What Your Triggers Are Really Trying to Tell You (Personal Development Wisdom Snippets) | #607

[Agi Keramidas]
Welcome to Personal Development Mastery Podcast and this is another snippet of wisdom where I select my favourite, most insightful moments from previous episodes. Let's dive right in.

[Tammy Cox]
So if you're at home and you want to try this on your own, you really, the goal is to get to the bottom of the beliefs. So say you get triggered, right? And you're right, trigger is something like in hindsight, you're like, Oh, what just happened there?

You got upset by something and you maybe were kind of confused as to why you're upset about it, right? Like, why am I triggered when my kids don't listen to me or don't obey me? And so I sit down with a piece of paper and I'm like, Hmm, what am I upset about?

And I write something down, right? Maybe it's like, they don't listen to me. I feel unheard.

And you just start going down the list of everything you feel you felt in that moment where you got triggered. And then you get to like the baseline. And when I got to the baseline of why I was triggered with my kids is because I believed I was a bad mom.

So it hit whenever you're triggered, think about it. It's triggering you because it's tapping a place where you're sore because nothing has any meaning except for the you give it. So your goal is to find out what belief you're holding that would trigger you to feel pain when that specific thing happens.

So my husband, I would get triggered. I'm going into marriage, I would get triggered when he'd ignore me. When he would not want to emotionally connect, he would kind of steer clear of me.

The truth be told, I was unsafe for him for a lot of years. I was not healthy. So I wasn't safe for him.

And I totally understand why he did it. But I attracted a man that had his trauma wounds were opposite. His trauma response was opposite of mine.

So I picked a man that triggered me with his emotional response, which was to pull away. And so when he would pull away, then I would turn into, then I'd get triggered. And I'd turn into a monster and be like, you know, like, just imagine like a kid with a tantrum.

That's how I respond when I'm triggered, where he would just like hide and disappear or freeze. And so we would just go in this circle where we would constantly trigger each other and respond in the way that, you know, it was just this cycle. And when I learned when my goat was not so gettable, when I started to heal the wounds, the triggers weren't alarming every two seconds, because I had healed these parts of myself.

So there wasn't that soft spot to poke. I didn't have all these wounds, right. And we really get to look at why.

And so now I tell my husband now that I'm in this place, I'm like, when the little tantrum, when my four year old comes out and the tantrum starts, here's how you can respond. Right. And, and now I can go, I can go scoop her up in my arms, the moment I see her getting upset, because we do, I do have a very close relationship with her.

And for some people, they might be like, why is she referring to herself as a different person. And it's because every age you've ever been still actually exists within you. You have all these different parts to yourself.

And so I'm very connected to those parts now. So I can work with those different parts of myself. But to be that connected to you, and to be so conscious when you go into those moments of deep pain, because that's what's happening.

It's a you're in pain. And how do you get to treat yourself that part of you when you're in pain? Well, for me, I know exactly what to do.

So for the person who's just beginning on this journey, start to investigate your belief system, start to get a pen and paper. When you get triggered, don't judge yourself. That's key.

Do not judge yourself because you created and developed this way of being in order to keep you safe. So I want you to have so much grace and openness towards yourself when you're investigating these deep rooted beliefs. But no, it's it's it goes back to the first five years.

So and sometimes it might take it might take multiple years, I'm still finding beliefs within myself, right after all these years of healing. So So just know that the journey is probably endless as long as you're in this body. And, and be open to the process of just investigating with no judgement.

[Agi Keramidas]
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