#494 Why prioritising health is the hidden key to career & life fulfilment after 40, with Esther Avant.

[00:00:00] What if the key to thriving in every area of your life starts with prioritising your health, before it's too late? Welcome to Personal Development Mastery, the podcast that helps intelligent, busy professionals develop self-mastery and discover their calling, so you can thrive in a fulfilling, purposeful life.

[00:00:27] I'm your host, Agi Keramidas, and this is episode 494. By listening today, you are going to learn the powerful mindset shift that helps you view health as an investment in your future self, rather than a short-term fix.

[00:00:52] You will also discover the subtle lifestyle changes that might be silently sabotaging your health, and how to course correct. Before we dive in, remember my fellow Mastery Seeker. If you want to go deeper into the episode, join us at our free community, The Mastery Seekers Tribe for more. Go to MasterySeekersTribe.com Now let's get started.

[00:01:26] Today it is my real pleasure to speak with Esther Avent. Esther, you are a health industry veteran with over 20 years of experience helping people transform their lives through fitness, nutrition and personal development.

[00:01:42] You are a coach, podcast host and author, and you are passionate about empowering individuals to prioritize their health as the foundation for success in every other aspect of their life. Esther, I'm delighted to have this conversation with you today. Welcome. Thank you so much. I'm really happy to be here.

[00:02:07] I was telling you just before we started recording, out of all the topics, health, I mean, what else could be more important? It's one of those foundations. So I'm really excited to have this conversation.

[00:02:22] And what I would like to explore with you today is exactly this angle of prioritizing our health as the catalyst for the other life improvements rather than seeing it independently or oppositely or in any other way. I would like to start before we go there.

[00:02:49] Tell us, was there a pivotal moment that made you realize that health is the key to success in the other areas of life? That's a great question. It happened over the course of my career helping people lose weight. And my clients would come to me with very sort of singular focus and have their blinders on. All I want to do is have you help me lose weight.

[00:03:19] And in the course of doing that, I would also see all these other areas of their lives improving. And this wasn't a case of a once I've lost the weight, then I'll be happy, etc. It was more so as they were seeing the success in their health, it was spilling over into the rest of their lives.

[00:03:44] And that's when I started realizing the same sort of framework that we use to make weight loss healthy and sustainable and long lasting. That can be shaped to apply to any other type of goal.

[00:04:01] And it really felt like this aha moment where I realized not only are you more likely to be happy, successful, confident in your job and in your personal life if you're healthy, but the pursuit of health will make you more likely to have all the other things that you want as well. This is a great point. Absolutely.

[00:04:31] And the pursuit of health also. And when you were saying that, what came to me was that health or our body, shall we say, for the explanation I'm about to give, is the, let's say, lens or the vehicle through which we experience life.

[00:04:55] Therefore, it is very essential to our experience of life. And if our body is unwell or if it's sick, can we really experience life in the way that we are meant to and would be able to? I mean, it's very hard for me to imagine, you know, living a fantastic life while being sick.

[00:05:22] There are exceptions, but I'm talking about, you know, so it's a very important point. I'm glad that we're making it. Yeah, there's a Confucius quote that I love that says, a healthy person wants 1,000 things, a sick person only wants one. And I feel like that just so well summarizes exactly how important health is.

[00:05:49] And of course, you know very well with your coaching work that for many people, especially, and I will also share from my own personal experience, you know, usually when we are younger, our health is generally better. When we get in our 40s or 50s, things start to, let's say, it doesn't flow as easily.

[00:06:16] So if you have a late night out, then you know it the next day. It's not without consequences. So many people pay attention at that time. But what I would really like to ask is if we can go back before we start noticing things.

[00:06:40] Or let's say that there are some early signs that, you know, the health is not as it used to be. What is the... I'm not going to ask you about, you know, specific tactics to do, but I would like to ask you about is there a mindset shift there that differentiates, you know,

[00:07:03] the value we place on our health before we realize that it's going? I hope my question makes sense. Excellent question. Yeah, it does. And I think part of what makes all of this health stuff hard to prioritize is that it's so... The changes to our health, for the better or the worse, are so gradual

[00:07:31] that it feels like you can kind of get away with things for a good long time before you reach the threshold where they're really holding you back or whether you get, you know, a diagnosis or need to go on a medication or something like that. So it's this kind of slippery slope where, yeah, and initially we do have kind of youth on our side, which is helpful.

[00:07:54] We also don't tend to realize the subtle lifestyle shifts that come with becoming a full-fledged adult. And, you know, when you are younger, you are just generally more active. Your hobbies are more likely to be active, especially, you know, high school, college age. Then you get into the workforce full-time and suddenly, for most people, you're chained to a desk 40-plus hours a week. There goes a lot of your activity. Then you add kids into the mix and you're no longer really living for yourself.

[00:08:22] They're very demanding on your time. But also, when they're young, they force you to be active. You're chasing them around and things like that. As you get into middle age, now you are likely making more money. So you can afford, you know, kind of the finer things in life. You can go to nice restaurants. You can afford the good bottle of wine. Your kids no longer need as much of you. So you're not chasing them around in your downtime. You've probably progressed in your career.

[00:08:49] So the demands on, you know, your time and energy are greater. And you just sort of find yourself in a place where your lifestyle is much less healthy than it used to be. But it wasn't one specific thing that caused it. It was this sort of like gradual shift over time, which is part of what makes it so hard to pick up on before you have sort of that rock-bottom moment of like, what happened? How did I let this happen?

[00:09:17] So I think, you know, something that can help is just having these conversations, listening to conversations like this that bring health to the forefront and help you recognize, I'm not going to be the exception to that rule. This is likely what's going to happen in my future unless I am intentional about it. But I think one thing, a mindset that you can really work on fostering is spending more time thinking about the future that you want for yourself.

[00:09:45] As we, especially as we have kids and we start thinking about our own mortality, we start thinking about our kids being grown and becoming grandparents and retiring and all these things. It's really helpful to envision what do I want my life to look like when I'm 60, 70, 80? And am I living a lifestyle now that will allow that future for myself?

[00:10:14] There was a distinct shift in my own life when I became a mom and I started just looking at my workouts differently. And instead of it being kind of this ego-based, I want to push as hard as I can, I want to win or things like that. It really became, why am I doing this? Well, I want to be able to pick up my son for as long as he'll let me. I want to be able to play with him.

[00:10:40] I want to be independent when he's older and I have grandkids. I want to be able to play with them. I don't want to get moved into an assisted living facility or feel like I'm dependent on other people. I want to be able to travel when I retire. I had this whole list of things that were about so much more than that individual workout and really helped me learn how to better think long-term. So if something is hurting during a workout, instead of pushing through,

[00:11:08] I'm going to stop and I'm going to ask, you know, what does my body actually need right now? And I think making that shift from, it's not about what I'm accomplishing today or this week. It's not about how quickly I can lose weight. It's about where do I want to see myself in three years, in 10 years, in 30 years. This is a fantastic tool to use. So thank you. Because envisioning, you use the word envision and think about the future.

[00:11:39] It's actually the more one does that, the more they are drawn to it. And when I say drawn, I mean they will take the actions that will lead there, which is, it's something that, you know, for one that doesn't always have motivation, it serves as a great reminder of why they're doing it. The other thing I took note of what you were saying, and it's very important,

[00:12:07] was for people to notice the subtle lifestyle changes that have happened to them over a long period of time, years or perhaps decades, and notice those because it is something that often goes unnoticed. I would like... I just wanted to touch on... Yes, of course.

[00:12:35] One really quick thing that you should maybe think of is there's really fascinating research on how we think about our future selves and the fact that we tend to think about our future selves more like a stranger than we do a version of ourselves. And that disconnect makes it really hard to do things that will benefit that version because, eh, what do I care about doing something good for this random person? Right?

[00:13:01] So exactly what you just said, the more time we spend making those connections, the easier it gets to then take those actions. And that benefits you in the short term as well because it just helps you delay gratification and spend resources in the here and now that will benefit you down the road. A simple example of that is the night before when you're putting away stuff from dinner, you also portion out your lunch for the next day. So many people say, oh, I just don't have time. I end up grabbing stuff on the go.

[00:13:31] Just that small act can then set your future self up for a more successful day. And that's a really great kind of personal development hack is to start thinking about your future self as a person that you love and care about and want to help succeed. Very nice. Absolutely.

[00:13:58] Esther, let's slightly move the angle now. And let's say someone listening has unfortunately gone past that previous state of realizing that it's time for corrective action. And they find themselves in a situation that their health suddenly is not that great. It might not be, you know, something devastating, but as you said,

[00:14:26] a diagnosis or some kind of need for medication or a scare, let's say, of some health scare of some kind. What do you think are, and of course I will ask you right now very generally, because I know you talk about the six big wrong habits. So what I wanted to ask is what are the main elements or the main aspects

[00:14:56] one should consider in terms of the health? And, you know, there are some that are very obvious, like let's say nutrition would come to most people's mind, but there are others that are not so obvious. So I would like to hear your wisdom on this topic. Yeah, I love this question. And I'll start with one that I think most people really under recognize,

[00:15:22] and that is learning how to balance self-compassion and personal responsibility. So I want to say to anyone listening who is feeling like we're describing you now, like you have just sort of let your health go, and it's gotten to a point that you can't ignore it, and you need to do something, but it's just feeling really overwhelming. Odds are you're being really hard on yourself. Instead of treating yourself with the same compassion you would give another person, you're beating yourself up. You're saying, I can't believe I let this happen. I'm so stupid.

[00:15:50] I never should have gone so long. I know better. Be really mean to yourself. And it sometimes feels like you need that in order to be motivated to make a change. But most people don't. Most people need more kindness and understanding because you will not make lasting change from a place of hate. So number one, give yourself compassion. And if that's hard, it's hard for a lot of us.

[00:16:17] Imagine the situation is you offering advice to a loved one and how you would treat them and then reflect those words back to yourself. The second piece of that or kind of the flip side of that coin is not just focusing on the compassion, but also deciding I'm the one who has to do something about this. This is my health. This is my body. This is my future. I'm the only one who can really make this change. And it's okay that I am where I am now.

[00:16:45] And also, it's time to start doing things differently. Balancing those two, I think, is the most important thing to start because it gets you out of that sort of really black and white kind of all or nothing thinking and just gets you set forward on, don't want to stay here? I'm going to figure out what I can do. That's number one. Number two, I think people overlook really often, especially in societies where they're very individualistic

[00:17:14] and we pride ourselves on kind of being able to be independent, do things by ourselves. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. I consider it a sign of strength and confidence to say, I have a need. I want to learn something or I want to change something. And I'm not exactly sure the best way to do that. Instead of spending a lot of time and energy bumping my head against the wall and trying to figure out what's what myself, who can help me?

[00:17:41] Do I want to work with a professional to get guidance and accountability? Do I want to find a community of like-minded peers or people who are living the lifestyle that I want? How can community help me get to my goal? So seeking that out, whether it's in person or virtually, that can make a huge difference. And then to your point, yes, there are also things that are more impactful than others. And I think we talked about this before we hit record,

[00:18:10] that there's so much overwhelm out there. We're bombarded with information. And because our resources are limited, we don't want to waste them on the wrong thing. And because we're getting so much conflicting information, we don't know what the right thing is. So we end up just spinning our wheels. But the reality of it is, regardless of your goal or exactly what aspect of your health you're focusing on, there are a few key behaviors that are going to generate the majority of your results.

[00:18:39] And we don't need to get into specifics now, but you can think about your personal goal and kind of parsing out, what's going to be the most bang for my buck? I know from experience that if I try to do all the things, it's only going to last for a little bit before I drop all the balls and end up doing nothing again. So how do I do less, but have those things be more impactful so that I can get that consistency that I need without it feeling overwhelming and the results come from there?

[00:19:12] I like what you just said, that change is easier to happen when we build it gradually. So rather than changing 10 things in our routine for us, that's not sustainable. It's a recipe for disaster and setting yourself up for failure. But when you do them one by one and you pick up the momentum in doing it,

[00:19:42] then you build on it. You mentioned key behaviors, and I like very much the phrase that you used. Can you again broadly or like as an overview, tell us about them? Yeah. So broadly, I look at sort of three kind of buckets, exercise, nutrition, lifestyle. I think lifestyle is the most often overlooked, but can be really, really impactful.

[00:20:10] And that the top priorities there I look at are sleep, stress management. I guess this could fall either into lifestyle or nutrition, but alcohol consumption. And I guess you could throw smoking in there too. Those are things that can really make a difference. And I think that people often don't really think much about. We tend to wear stress and lack of sleep almost as badges of honor,

[00:20:37] when the reality is they are really dangerous in, you know, in a chronic term and they also make all of the other health stuff harder. So just using sleep as an example, it has such a cascade effect where if you're not sleeping enough or not sleeping well, it's very hard to get up when you, when your alarm goes off. And that alone has such a negative impact on your day that now from the jump,

[00:21:06] from the second your feet hit the ground, you're scrambling and you're late and you're frantic. You're probably not eating a nutritious breakfast. You're probably not getting any movement in. You're, because you're under rested, you're more likely to rely on caffeine during the day and then to want to unwind with alcohol at night, which then impacts your sleep the next night. You are more likely to experience cravings for hyper palatable, not super nutritious foods. You're less likely to feel satiated when you do eat.

[00:21:36] You're more likely to be irritable and, you know, have that affect your relationships. It just has this whole cascade effect. So if there's, you know, one thing that would benefit the majority of listeners, it's sleep. And it's one of those things that like everybody knows and doesn't want to hear. And that I think we've talked about how people interested in personal development will, you know, read a lot of books and attend seminars. And I think that's amazing. I do as well. But you do also need to ask yourself, how much of this am I actually implementing and doing something with?

[00:22:05] So if this is your number one takeaway from this episode, and you say tonight, I am going to bed 30 minutes earlier, or I am not going to scroll on my phone until the second I shut my eyes, that alone could have a huge impact on your health. So we've got lifestyle. Nutritionally, again, you know, there's lots of different schools of thought. There is no one best diet. So I'm not here to tell you that. Generally speaking, most people would benefit from snacking less,

[00:22:33] eating fewer of those hyperpalatable foods that are so easy to overconsume, but don't provide our body with a lot of nutrients. If we ate more fiber, we'd be better off, you know, vegetables, fruits, whole grains. If we ate more protein, we'd be better off. If we drank more water, just kind of those basic things that again, we almost, we almost tell ourselves it needs to be hard and complicated or it's not going to work. And then we do nothing because, oh, it's too hard and complicated. So we got to kind of, that's where the responsibility comes in. We got to call ourselves out when we're doing these things and,

[00:23:03] and then do something differently. And then exercise wise, again, much simpler than it might seem. How often are you getting up and walking? Do you have any idea, you know, how many steps you get a day? Are you sitting or lying the majority of the day? And how can you find opportunities or create opportunities to stand up and walk more? Are you getting in a few strength training sessions each week where you are, you know, progressively overloading your muscles to help yourself get stronger and more muscular,

[00:23:31] which is one of the top priorities as we age. If you want to be able to open your own jars and carry your own groceries into the house and put them away in the high cupboards, you got to be strong. If you want to be getting up off the toilet by yourself, which I would say we all do. Then, you know, you got to be, you got to be doing these things now. And then one that a lot of people overlook that ties right back into the, the lifestyle and the sleep piece is rest and recovery.

[00:23:59] A lot of times when we go on like a health kick, we think, okay, I'm team no days off. I'm doing it. I'm going to run every single day, or I'm going to do this challenge at the gym, or I'm going to do a 75 hard. And we just run our bodies into the ground. So it's learning to, challenge yourself in efficient ways and allow your body the time to recover and actually benefit from the work that you're doing.

[00:24:30] That's great. You reminded me now, thank you for your answer. You reminded me of a book I was reading that was talking about how to have health in your later decades. So in your seventies and your eighties to remain like, like in your fifties. And he was talking, and I will just mention it, that aerobic exercise, like running, for example,

[00:24:58] will help you live longer. Strength exercise will make that longer life worth living. And it has stayed with me. Because if you are, you know, extremely frail, and you can't do anything, you can't walk, and you live into your nineties, that's many, many years of a life that, I don't know, it's again, probably takes us back to what you were saying earlier about,

[00:25:26] think about what kind of life you would like to have health wise and envision it. And so I don't know if you wanted to add something to this. Nutrition, the way you said it's common sense. I like very much the approach of common sense in this. And the other thing I liked very much that you gave a special mention to sleep,

[00:25:55] because indeed for many people that might not be immediately relevant, with health, you might think of other stuff, but not sleep. You gave one nice, simple advice, go to bed half an hour earlier, which I think it is a very good beginning. If one doesn't know where to start in improving their sleep, it's a very good first step. For me,

[00:26:24] it has made a big difference to appreciate my sleep. When I started wearing the whoop device, and I've been tracking my sleep for years, and I know very well what it does, and what lack of it does, or what disturbance of it does. So, it has been very helpful for me. I don't know if there's anything else relevant to all this, Esther. It is,

[00:26:53] this topic of health is so broad, and we can go through so many different directions. So, I will give it back to you, and see whether you think there is something else relevant to what you were saying, that needs to be said now. Yeah, I think just kind of building on what you said about starting small, and adding things one at a time, is I know, A, I know you've heard that before,

[00:27:23] and B, I know you kind of roll your eyes at it, and think like, but I want the results now. I just want to do whatever it takes to stop feeling the way I do now. And it's so tempting to pile a bunch of things on. And what I want to remind you is, you've probably done that before, and you know how it ends. You mentioned, you know, kind of setting yourself up for failure by trying to do all these, you know, these 10 things at once.

[00:27:51] Remind yourself that repeating the same thing over and over again is unlikely to get you a different result. So, if you're not happy with the state of things now, and the results that you've been getting, what do you have to lose by, by trying to do it differently and taking this slower, more gradual approach? Worst case, it gets you the same lack of results that you're getting now, but that's not what's going to happen.

[00:28:19] One of the most important things is that you get some confidence under your belt. Generally speaking, the more starts and stops we have, the more attempts we make at something that we then don't follow through on, it chips away at our self-trust and our belief that it's possible for us to be successful. So, the most important thing in the beginning is that you start repairing that trust, and you start developing that belief in yourself.

[00:28:46] And that comes from taking small actions and not letting yourself minimize them and say, oh, it was just going to bed 30 minutes earlier. It was just drinking more water. It was just a walk. Celebrate those small things because truly the big outcome that you're after is the byproduct of those small day-to-day actions. Absolutely. I couldn't agree with you more.

[00:29:10] I think it is the sum or the culmination of all these little things are one at another. They add up a little bit, so you might go to 78%, 79%, 80%, a little, but all of them will create the final result, which is, in this case, your health, the way that you enjoy and appreciate life.

[00:29:43] It's such a, I'm looking at the time now, Esther, and it's one of those conversations that I would carry on for a few hours. There are so many things to explore, but I, I find it, I found it very insightful and very useful. useful. And there were, you know,

[00:30:06] some things that I'm very happy that we mentioned them because they might not be immediately obvious to someone when they think about their health. Two, two, I remember is one was sleep and the other was the, the subtle lifestyle changes that have happened over the years. Before we start concluding,

[00:30:30] where would you like to direct our listeners that wants to find out more about you and your work? Thank you so much for asking. I have a podcast called To Your Health. I also wrote a book called To Your Health, A Lifestyle of Health, Happiness and Confidence. That is perfect for anyone listening who does have a health or a weight loss goal and wants to get into the specifics of, you know, we touched on all of the pillars, but who wants to get into the specifics of how do I do these things? What does it look like? How do I make sure that I'm successful?

[00:31:00] That's the place to do it. My website is estheravent.com. You can find all of the links there. And I just wanted to highlight something you just said about the incremental progress of, you know, 79%, 80%. There is a threshold where you start to see the payoff of what you're doing. And what's really frustrating is that most people aren't operating too far below it. Most people listening aren't, you know, total, total newbies at the health stuff.

[00:31:27] You're probably making a solid effort to drink water and eat well and exercise. And what's so frustrating is that we're just below the point where that starts to pay off. It's just a little bit more consistency with those things that makes a difference. I like to think of it as, you know, a plant that's growing underneath the dirt and hasn't yet burst through the surface. It's like day in and day out, you're watering that plant and you're making sure it gets the right amount of sunlight and it's the right temperature.

[00:31:56] And you're really caring for it, even though you have no idea when and if it's going to bloom. Boom. And then one day it does. So it's nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. Now something is burst through the surface. And it's similar with our health progress that there is a stage where you just need to keep doing the things, even though you don't have any evidence that they're working yet. And then those subtle improvements start to be noticeable. First, you can sort of feel them and eventually you can see them and other people can see them.

[00:32:25] But just keep in mind that if you haven't gotten there yet, it's not because it's not going to happen. It's just that you need to dial in that consistency and you need to be in it for, in it for longer. I like the analogy of, of the plant. And yeah, let's also remember that deterioration in health did not happen immediately. It took a long time to get there. So fixing it might also take it. It might be reasonable to expect that it might not happen overnight.

[00:32:55] So it might, but let's not count on it. Exactly. Esther, Esther, I have two quick questions also to ask you. And my first one is what does personal development mean to you? That's a great question. I think it means a commitment to growing as a person, as I live my life,

[00:33:24] not getting complacent or thinking that the way things are now is how they will always be or have to be. And actively choosing to challenge myself, very often get uncomfortable, comfortable and be intentional with my thoughts, my time, my energy, and creating the version of myself and the future for myself that I want. That's great.

[00:33:54] And let's say, hypothetically speaking, you could go back in time and meet your 18-year-old self. What's one piece of advice you would give her? Oh, my goodness. That's a great question. It's funny. There's something similar that's just gone viral on social media right now. I met my 18-year-old self for coffee and here's what I said. That's really interesting. Okay. My 18-year-old self,

[00:34:24] I would say when I was 18, I was newly exercising, really paying attention to my nutrition and would experience close to a decade of kind of imbalance, fluctuating from like one extreme to the other, binging and restricting, over-exercising, under-exercising, that sort of thing. So I think what I would try to instill in my 18-year-old self,

[00:34:51] 18-year-old self is the importance of moderation and finding a middle ground that it's not about being perfect at any one thing. It's about prioritizing the things that were important to me, which goes well beyond what I look like, what I do for workouts, what I eat. And I think having that little bit of wisdom as a teenager probably would have expedited my,

[00:35:20] my process of finding that in my late 20s. That's great. Esther, I want to thank you very much for this wonderful conversation and very useful, I believe. I want to wish you the very best with your life, both personally and professionally, with, you know, helping people with what you do, which is, as we said,

[00:35:50] so foundational. What's more important than health? I will leave it to you for your parting words or any parting wisdom, if you want, for the listeners. I think my, my parting wisdom would be to find something in this episode to take action on. Let this, this conversation serve as a catalyst for you. And don't let it be just something that goes in one ear, out the other,

[00:36:19] and kind of hypes you up for a minute, but actually do something with it. I hope you have found this episode enlightening. If you've been resonating with these conversations and feel like you are at the crossroads in your life, I offer private one-to-one coaching to help you gain clarity and step into your next chapter with confidence. If that sounds interesting,

[00:36:49] reach out to me and let's chat. And until next time, stand out, don't fit in.