The Hidden Corner Of Your Psyche That Is Quietly Ruining Your Relationships (Personal Development Wisdom Snippets) | #641

[Agi Keramidas]
Welcome to Personal Development Mastery Podcast. This is another snippet of wisdom, a moment from the podcast archive that I felt deserved to be heard again.

[Mario Lanzarotti]
Think about this. Most, every human being has self-doubt.

The people that say they don't, they're usually afraid to admit it and those are other deeper issues going on there. But every human being experiences self-doubt and that's just a very normal thing that takes place. But the problem happens is when we pretend that we don't and when we then make self-doubt to be this sign of weakness, this confirmation of weakness, and this happens in my experience more in men than in women.

And when we don't share that, when we don't, when we're not real about that, we isolate and we retreat. And you can be you can be in a room with loving family, friends, spouse, children, and you can feel deeply alone. And that's not because you are alone, but that's because you isolate with a part of yourself.

It's like there's this, like imagine there's a corner in your psyche that you do not allow anyone to know that it's there. And so essentially you're only showing, you know, you're only showing a limited reduced version of yourself. And you're saying about the rest of that version, that's not worthy of being seen, of being acknowledged, of really existing actually.

And so loneliness is always the result of that. And if you don't know that, then you're going to look for external measures. Then you're going to go, oh, you know, my wife doesn't love me enough.

My colleague doesn't praise me enough. My father doesn't appreciate me enough. You're going to start projecting it to your relationships because you don't know that you're carrying that on the inside.

So you're looking for it on the outside. And that then causes all the problems in relationships, because now you distance yourself from people, because you're looking to get something from another person that they cannot give you. And the sad part of it, this is completely unconscious.

So you have no, no understanding that this is taking place and you can't even do something about this. And this is what I see a happening in our society is that we fear being singled out, being rejected for our inherent human vulnerability, that in this case, I call self-doubt. You know, it's interesting because if you ask what people want, more or less people all give you the same answers.

They want a good career. They want a healthy body. They want good relationships.

Maybe they want to travel a nice house, a nice car. You know, these are the things that every human being wants. But then you ask, why do you want that?

And then you get deeper. And then you people want these things because they provide them with a sense of safety, with a sense of peace, with a sense of happiness. And essentially, in essence, we all want internal experiences.

And we just think that these external experiences are only possible through material or relational success in inherent ways that we control. But then when you look at it, all of the things that we desire, they are heart qualities. They all live inside the heart.

And what I've seen is that even though we often attach ourselves to wanting the positive things in life, like I only want to feel happy, I only want to feel peace, I only want to feel joy, I only want to feel great about myself. That's not a human experience. It's not life.

And when we try to make that this way, we end up suffering more than actually intended. And what I've seen is the more you live in your heart, the less that actually matters. What I mean by that is when you live in your heart, you essentially live a more unfiltered experience of life.

When you live in your heart, you can be fully present to sadness. And then what you're experiencing is actually aliveness. Because aliveness is being present with what's taking place without labeling it good or bad.

And when we live in our minds, we think, we rationalize, we put a strategy on everything. And that always leads to suffering. But then in the heart space, there's this place of like, I don't know what's going to happen.

And it doesn't matter. I know what's here and I know what's now and I know it's alive. And courage is the gateway to that.

When you doubt your capability to start your own business, I got it. All right. That's normal.

Cool. And now what? Nothing changes.

You can doubt that experience and you can say, look, you know what? It doesn't matter. I live in my heart and I will take a courageous step.

And the courageous step might be you hiring a business coach, or you going to a seminar, or you put handing in your three months notice at your job, right? It could be so many things that are all dependent on you living in your heart space. In your heart space, you act on faith.

You say, I don't know what's going to happen. And that's okay. I will do what I need to do based on what's true for me in this moment right now.

And when you're living inside of that, you're no longer held back by the conversation that takes place up here. That's so often over complicates your way of living life.

[Agi Keramidas]
If you enjoyed this podcast, can you think of one person that would find it useful and share it with them? Until next time, stand out. Don't fit in.