#252 How to become the leader of your own life and the three major game changers to a fulfilling life, with Lucia Montanaro.

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

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Please note that while an effort is made to provide an accurate transcription, errors and omissions may be present. No part of this transcription can be referenced or reproduced without permission.

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Lucia Montanaro  0:00  
Change is possible. Really believe deep inside of you that change is possible and that change is a choice. So if you want to change your world, start by by changing your thoughts, and your attitude and you will see your life progressively unfolding to the life that you want. So believe change is possible.

Agi Keramidas  0:27  
You're listening to personal development mastery podcast, where you will find inspirational conversations, and actionable takeaways to master yourself and improve your life. I am your host, I Keramidas. A few years ago, I found myself unfulfilled and unmotivated. Like I had lost my sense of purpose and my life was merely passing by. Since then, I've been on a continuous journey of personal development that has transformed every aspect of my life. Now, my mission is to inspire you to grow, stand out and take action towards a purposeful and fulfilling life. In this podcast, I invite myself inside the minds of remarkable entrepreneurs, authors, thought leaders, spiritual teachers, people who share their journey milestones and learnings for you to be inspired to grow. In each episode, you will find actionable takeaways that you can implement right now. So make sure you follow the podcast to get them as soon as they are released. In today's show, I am delighted to speak with Lucia Montanaro. Lucia, you are a life transformation and leadership mastery coach, you have worked in nearly 60 countries as an adviser to the United Nations and the European Union and you speak five languages. As a coach, you have been trained by world renowned leaders in the personal development field like Tony Robbins and Bob Proctor. Your mission is to help busy people transform their frustration and gain clarity, confidence and leadership mastery of the life and destiny. Lucia Welcome to the show. It's such a pleasure to speak with you today.

Lucia Montanaro  2:20  
Thank you, I get several pleasure to be here. It's an honour, and I'm very excited about having this conversation with you and with your audience. And so

Agi Keramidas  2:31  
my and there are many very interesting things that we'll talk about, like fulfilment and transformation of one's life. And and before I go there, I would like to ask for a little bit of more background and that very short introduction I gave of your show, would you like to take us back a little bit and paint a picture of what of the life that that you hadn't that transition that I read in your story that from the struggles that you were, went the other side, metaphorically speaking,

Lucia Montanaro  3:15  
with pleasure, and hopefully this will be relatable for for several people in your audience. I mean, I in several years ago, I had a variety of different struggles and different people had have different struggles and challenges. And I was having a pattern of behaviour that was very much linked to past traumas. And I was having toxic relations, I was in debt, I had very serious health problems. And, and I was I was feeling not heard, I was feeling that my voice wasn't heard. And I was feeling that somehow a victim and that life was unfair, and I was very tired and exhausted and overwhelmed. And then I got sick and tired of it. And I was I'm a I'm Italian and I basically said Basta.

Agi Keramidas  4:16  
enough, that's enough

Lucia Montanaro  4:17  
and, and realise that that life is a choice and that change is a choice. And, and that if I, I was in a crossroads where I had two paths, and I could choose to continue going down this path, which was just going through an escalation of negativity and I was basically going towards a train crash, or I could choose a different path, a path that was unknown to me. But that would lead to different results. And I made a committed decision for that transformation, however. uncomf DuBois was because I was hungry for change, I was hungry for different results in my life,

Agi Keramidas  5:06  
that's fair, do you want to share some more information about that, that state that you were in that led you to that moment that you said, the basta as you said, so what, give us a bit more information, please.

Lucia Montanaro  5:24  
So the, the situation was that it was a compound effect, it was that all these different negative things were like mounting up, like creating a big mountain. And, and, and so interacting negatively and, and making making me feel very stuck and frustrated and, and having negative effects with the people that I most cared about. And and so, so that's little voice and that little hunger started to grow in me. And and I just got more and more hungry. And I reached out for help. And, and got a help helping hands to help me out of being stuck and so, so managed to transform from from basically frustration to an overwhelm and tiredness to, to joy and fulfilment and to actually having the life I wanted.

Agi Keramidas  6:28  
Thank you. And you when you say you reached out for help. I think that's also something important to cover. Because you know what the story is, in my experience these stories of transformation or stories of one feeling, not content with the life and changing that are they have all sorts of different contexts for different people. But the main thing or the the essence of them is, I think it's very inspiring to hearing people. And the essence is that belief that yes, we can change our life, we can transform our life, regardless of anything that might have happened in the past. And you know, there are so many examples of people that have done it, then it's it's always I find it inspiring to listen, and I think that regardless of the individual personal circumstances, there is some elements probably they Enos challenges that every not everyone most people can relate to. So some will talk about things, then within this this particular you know, there are for sure people that don't think that change is possible. I don't think these people are listening to this conversation right now. So it doesn't matter so. So for for the listener that knows or believes that it seems might be possible. But you know, it will take out of the comfort zone a little bit different difficult or this or that. Can you share your advice? How would you how did you approach that and how now that you're a coach, you advise others to approach this?

Lucia Montanaro  8:20  
So with pleasure, I think, I think there are basically three key game changers to transform your life. And, and the first one is taking radical responsibility and a stress the radical. So not just the kind of tiptoeing light, touch, responsibility, but the radical responsibility of your own of your life and the sort of Extreme Ownership. Because at the end of the day, you cannot control how other people behave, how, what other external circumstances or other people what they do, and to you, by you focusing on that, you don't you don't change anything, you stay stuck, but the one that you do have control over is yourself and so, so the first step is kind of increasing that accountability and, and, and, and taking the reins of your life back in into your own hands. So taking control of your life and becoming the leader of your life starts with accountability and responsibility. So you are responsible for your thoughts for your emotions, for their actions for the attitude that you have. And and thinking also about, you know, how did you how did you fuel fear or conflict in the past and, and and what was your part in that interaction? It doesn't mean the The person hasn't done anything bad, but it's taking responsibility for your own life for so becoming the captain of your own of your own ship and and that both as far as the past and as far as your present, and that is absolutely crucial to start with. So that would be my first game changer, I would, I would advise.

Agi Keramidas  10:27  
And I wanted to ask a bit more about this with this concept of radical responsibility, or did you use the phrase Extreme Ownership, which I've also read about before? And I suppose you might agree with me that many people find it difficult to take that responsibility that take that radical responsibility, especially with some elements that, I don't know, maybe they're not ready to let go. In many ways, it's easier to not to have responsibility, however, easy keeps, keeps us where we are.

Lucia Montanaro  11:09  
Exactly. I totally, I totally agree. I mean, it's, it's very uncomfortable. And it means having also uncomfortable conversations, both as far as an inner dialogue, but also with other people. But when you when you when you stay, when you take away the focus on your own responsibility, you remain a victim, you remain a prisoner of your past and a prisoner of the chains that have been making you feel stuck. So taking radical responsibility is one of the three game changes to break the chains of your past and to, to create, to give solid and clean foundations to create the life that you want. But the other

Agi Keramidas  12:00  
sorry, no, I wondered to do or to ask about the still the same talk because it is I think it's very important. Is there any book or resource that comes out in your mind that would help someone to you know, get that or learn more about it? Or how to do it?

Lucia Montanaro  12:22  
I think there are different different books and different different people who talk about it. You so it's more kind of a combination, but it's also, but I think, beyond books and things and and yes, I also often talk about it in, in my guides, in my coaching in my conversations, but more than anything, it's it's having an honest, deep look towards yourself is going on that inward journey and having, you know, being authentic and really honest with yourself, how could you have done things differently? How could your behaviour and your thoughts and attitudes been different that would have contributed to a different results because at the end of the day, in there's an equation that I love, I'm really bad at maths, but I love this equation. And so the equation is e e plus e plus r equals O. So the events plus the R which is the choice between either your reaction or your response equals the outcome. So each events, you have a choice of reacting or responding conscientiously and that will bring you a different outcome.

Agi Keramidas  13:55  
Absolutely, and I'm glad you brought that up that reactive versus response as possible.

And I think the key there is realising when one is in reacting mode versus because it is I feel that many times it is our default behaviour is very easy to go into that mode reacting or reflecting what is happening rather than going into that reflective more centred, if I can use that word because I think it is you have to go somehow inwards towards your centre and detox from in a way from what is happening and see your reaction to it and change it.

Lucia Montanaro  14:54  
Yeah, definitely. And sometimes in the moment, it's difficult to to have that clarity Tea and that kind of observation, to be able to react conscientious of respond conscientiously, and therefore you need that stillness, if you imagine a bottle of water, with sand in it, and, and you shake it all about, well, then you have the sand all over the place. And that's the same thing. If you don't, you can't see clearly, like, if you swim in like, choppy seas, you you will not be able to see clearly with even if you have a mask under the water. And, and I agree, you come from Greece and therefore a magical country with beautiful sea, hence, the metaphor. But when you create that inner stillness, and you take a moment, to kind of connect with yourself and kind of connect with your higher intention of, of what is it that you want your relationship with that person or with your child, or with a colleague to be like, and you create that stillness, it's like, it's like in that bottle of water with sand, you wait for the sand to settle. And then you have the clear water. So if you need to take a moment in that heightened situation that triggers you then take that moment, and then respond in line aligned with your intention.

Agi Keramidas  16:39  
I want to take a short break from this episode, and very quickly let you know about something I'm really excited about. For me, having a podcast made a tremendous difference in my life's journey. And I know the kind of impact it can have on one's personal development. And that is why I'm so passionate about this service I offered helping coaches who are ready to amplify their message and reach a global audience by creating launching and growing a top quality podcast, even if they aren't tech savvy and are limited on time. Maybe you've thought about having your own podcast. But you don't want to go through the time consuming learning processes of how to create launch it or how to record edit host and so on. If you said yes to that, then I got a solution for you something that takes away all the complexity and allows you to only concentrate on creating quality content. Go to my website, AgiKeramidas.com to find out more and to get your free copy of my guide about creating and launching your podcast. Alright, let's jump back to the episode.

That's very useful, and very practical, Lucia. Thank you.

Shall we move on because you mentioned three game changes, or we talked about the first one, let's curious to hear the second one.

Lucia Montanaro  18:08  
So So I think many people in who listened to this podcast may are familiar with this. But it's I think there's there's no way to emphasise how important the practice of gratitude is. But I'm talking about also in a very, really integrating the practice of gratitude on a daily level. So it's on one hand, thinking about the different things that you're grateful for whether whether they're small or big, whether it's you know, the flower, the sunlight, the your comfortable pillow, or important things in your life. But it's also I encouraged the practising of actually expressing that gratitude, through writing letters to the people that are important to you. So I'll give you an example of a person who I was encouraging the practice of gratitude, and who, by writing, writing letters of gratitude, the enabled this this man to shift his perspective enabled him to find a different meaning to events of the past. And, and, and so by by writing, gratitude letters and focusing on what you're grateful for, even when situations are difficult, you manage to harness the lessons and you shift the meaning and so in this case, the person went from, from feeling stuck in pain and guilt to, to being appreciated for the lessons and opening up his his life for for more joy for more love for more abundance, and being able to really shift his perspective

Agi Keramidas  20:20  
as a practice this writing letters of gratitude, how would you advise someone to perform it?

Lucia Montanaro  20:29  
So one I would, I would advise them every, every single morning like even before they get out of bed to have the practice of, of focusing their attention on both things they are grateful for right now, as well as things in their past. And, and ideally, actually sharing that with someone, like having having someone that they can share with it, and exchange that that person can exchange their, their gratitude and, and you share with them, because then it encourages you to do it daily. And it's beautiful to share. So one, that that daily practice that you share with someone. And the second one is, is to actually, as I said, write these letters to two people who are really important for you, whether people who have marked you whether they're still alive or not alive, whether they're present in your life, or no longer present in your life. And, and, and really, really dig deep in, in your heart, on on what you can cherish what you can be appreciative from this person and express it to them.

Agi Keramidas  22:00  
And I think correct me if I'm wrong, but the point of the letter is not to send it to the person but write it yourself, you don't send it to the passion do you

Lucia Montanaro  22:10  
use, there's no there's no right or wrong. You have to feel you have to listen to yourself and feel what is right for you. So in some cases, you you don't need to send it and it's just about letting go. And, and helping you to shift and, and giving grace to that person for how that person gifted you and other times it can be beautiful and and actually increase the connection that you have with that person. Yeah, in life that isn't always the black and white and yes, on those.

Agi Keramidas  22:53  
I think unless you want to add something else about gratitude, we could go to the other one it's

Lucia Montanaro  23:03  
with with pleasure. So the third one, the third game changer in transforming your life and creating that choice, that change is about mastering your inner universe because at the end of the day, the only way out of anxiety and frustration and overwhelm is an inward journey and is is becoming that that leader of your own life. And, and for that is is is the we touched upon it earlier on. But, but it's about the fact of of, of deciding what what you're going to what your thoughts are, we have 1000s of thoughts every day. And a lot of them can be you can be like on automatic pilot. So you can have the I don't know, automatic pilots regarding feeling tired regarding feeling something towards a certain person or a certain situation. And that diet those thoughts and and dialogue that you have to do some with yourself, ends up ends up being an emotion and and you feel it in your in your body, in your emotions, in your in your physicality in your physiology. And, and all this is is is going back to the issue of that it's a choice. You can choose what thoughts you can have you can choose the meaning you give to situations you can choose your emotions, and you can choose your attitude to things And the more you know, we are what what is going on in our inner universe reflects itself outside. So when you have when you when you create when you purposefully create an internal sunshine, that will manifest outside and you will have that sunshine in your external life, it's a mirror.

Agi Keramidas  25:25  
I like that very much that metaphor of the internal sunshine that will manifest outside. And the reason, I'm sure you see that all the time with the people that you work with, that the many people's efforts are on the outside rather than the inside. So it is about doing doing doing tasks and actions, which, you know, they do produce some

result. However, if what you said if that internal sunshine is not there, if there is, I don't know, if there is an internal thunderstorm or no water that I could use, despite the actions that one can take to progress with whatever it is that they want to in their life. It the reflection comes from within. So I'm only saying that to highlight again, the importance of really working inside as a prerequisite or probably the more important element of change orals, generally speaking, forgive me if I'm versed, and it sounds a bit vague now, because I don't want to put my my thoughts in, you know, in a specific frame. But yeah, again, generally speaking, that inner part is what must focus our efforts.

Lucia Montanaro  26:56  
So, definitely, and because at the end of the day, you, I mean, Laurence Olivier used to talk about that you are the creator of your universe, to the to your thoughts and words and that the quality of your life is linked to the quality of your thoughts. And, and, you know, we can all go through different challenges and storms and and you know, life isn't always this, this calm a flowing river. But it's about learning to, to go through the storm and dance with it and swim with it and create that that sunshine, you know, the, the Cherokees, the North American Indians, they they always talk about you have a choice, you could have which wolf you feed, you can either feed the wolf of fear, or you can feed the wolf of love and light. And, and the wolf that you feed more expands. So it's the same thing with your thoughts and your inner universe, the more you focus on, on what you want, and and those plans and where you want your life to go. And those positive elements, the more you will, the more it will expand, the more you're stuck in, in your worry. And in the negative thoughts, the more that will expand. So again, you are in control, and it's a choice of which wolf you feed. So if you want to, if you want to change your life, you need to you need to become that leadership, that leader of your own life by looking inwards.

Agi Keramidas  28:47  
I liked this way of describing it as being the leader of your life because in many in some other ways without the context, being the leader of your life sounds ambiguous. But now that you have explained it like this, it is very clear and obvious that the how important it is and also you know that that story with the two wolves it's it's a beautiful story. I think it was the the grand side the tusks, that's how I know it anyway that asks his grandpa about and the grandpa says there are two wolves in everyone's head and one is the wolf of fear. And you know those things and the other is the wolf of hope and love and creation are the beautiful things. And then the boy asked, which wolf wins grandparents, the one that you feed and I'm repeating that because it is you brought now also to my attention the way that you were saying it that continues or us often us A default ocean, our attention, our thoughts, our emotions are in a state into what we want and not on the, the constant chatter that goes on in there with repetitive patterns over and over again, I think it's like 70 80,000 thoughts will have a day and most of them are exactly the same like, like a tape playing,

Lucia Montanaro  30:26  
like a broken record for those broken those open days. Yeah, I think I think it's also about deciding to not be simply an observer of your life and not tiptoeing in in your life, but But deciding to be the protagonist of your life, but to be in the spotlight of your life. And, and stand up tall for, for what you believe in for what your values are, and making making, making the life that the fulfilled life that you deserve, but based on on your values, and that you have the right to do that, but but, you know, to, to spread your wings out and to, to dare to be that person, but to be the better version of yourself, you need to stand guard at the door of your mind, you need to stand guard at to ensure that when you get those negative thoughts or emotions is to shift them to turn them round. And, and in the beginning, it's might feel strange, it might etc. But it's, it's like becoming fit, you don't become fit by going to the gym once you don't become confident by just saying it or doing one thing. It's it's the repetition and and I have had the opportunity of helping different clients who have come with that kind of lack of confidence and frustration and a lack of clarity of the direction that they want in their life. And, and, and getting a clearer picture, clear vision, and helping to overcome those obstacles and getting to the mastery of their own life. Because that I'm becoming I mean, I see leadership in the holistic sense. So whether whether it's you know, your business, your health, your relation relations, the you're learning what you can give. So it's how can you be a better person, and show up in this life and have a more meaningful and joyful life?

Agi Keramidas  32:58  
Thank you, I like that very much the holistic sense of self leadership. And,

again, I'm going to read that, in my own words, how important I believe it is to use the word mastery, which, of course, I liked, very much as you can imagine, it is my own journey as well. But this self leadership or mastery of all the different areas of our life, so I think it's important to stress that that it's there's, there are so many different elements to our lives and focusing just on one specific one at the expense of the others will lead to I don't know and an unbalanced and so I'm, I'm not sure if the point I'm trying to make this as clear there, but I just wanted to reiterate this holistic sense,

Lucia Montanaro  34:00  
maybe maybe I can jump off on to two different elements, both the mastery and the different elements. So the mastery for me is is kind of closing the knowing and doing gap and, and rather than just kind of knowing something in an abstract form, but really integrating it and perfecting it into your own lives so that you you upgrade your life you upgrade your your, your standards and your habits which lead to different results. And and because you know often people want want change, but they don't want to they don't want to change like the abstract want the change, and they and they know the knowledge they have the knowledge but they don't want to be the change. And and so you need to match master those elements, that's why the name of your podcast is so perfect, and I absolutely love it. But so you know, you when you master it, and then you can have that external sunny world. Now on the second point, I've always loved metaphors. So allow me to share metaphor. If you if you think of a car, a car has, I mean, a car has four wheels. Okay? If you get the superduper. Three, I don't know, for Daddy superduper wheels. And you're focused on mastering and developing and, and, and having those three areas of your life absolutely fantastic. But you have one wheel, which is punctured and old and crippled, your car won't advance, however fantastic your other wheels are. And because the different areas of your life, whether it's your health, whether it's your finances, whether it's your relations, your your business, you're you're learning and growing or your contribution. I mean, there are many different areas of your life more than the four wheels of a car. But they, they interact with each other. And so it's important to know, to know at which stage you are with each of these different areas, and make a decision to upgrade it to the next level. And, and make and take actions to upgrade it to the next level. So, you know, decide today or what you can do to you know, get a little bit more deeper connection with the people you care about a little bit better in your finances a little bit better in your health, you know, small steps. So that progressive small steps to reach that continuous change and reach the results you want.

Agi Keramidas  37:17  
This is great. And again, this is a very direct and practical piece of advice that one can do to decide today to get a little bit better in all these areas of the life. So thank you for that. Lucia it's really a fascinating conversation. And I do also have to start wrapping things up a few quickfire questions to ask him the end before before we do that. There are two things. The first is where would you direct

the listeners who want to find out more about you after today

and also share with us, I understand you have a gift for the listeners on the key the key ways to live a fulfilled life.

So share this with us.

Lucia Montanaro  38:06  
Yes, with pleasure. So so you can contact me either through Facebook through Instagram to through my website. So Lucia Montanaro. So l UCI AMONTARO And, and Aggie, I understand you will share the link I would like to give a free guide to to any of you that will be interested of key ways to have a more fulfilling life and be that leader and more fully that leader of your life. And, and so don't hesitate to get in contact if you have any, any further questions.

Agi Keramidas  39:00  
That's brilliant. Thank you very much. And all the links are in the show notes. And so let me ask some final quick questions then. Let's see and I know you've listened to the podcast so the first one is always the same is What does personal development mean to you?

Lucia Montanaro  39:20  
I think I think in personal development, it's it's more than anything about striving to be the better version of yourself and it's and it's an ongoing process. So I personally hope I'm very hungry for for that learning and growing and contribution. I mean for me personal development also comes very much from giving to others. And I hope that till my till I'm 8590 whatever age to my last dying breath. I will continue to learn and grow and be able to inspire and give to other people.

Agi Keramidas  40:05  
Awesome, beautiful. And hypothetical question. If you could go back in time and meet your teenage self, let's say a 17 year old self, what's one piece? One piece of advice you would give her?

Lucia Montanaro  40:19  
Hmm, interesting question. I, I would say, don't have a dim your light, your, your sacred fire inside, and, and nourish it, nurture it. And and and Kindle it and keep it alive and believe in it so that it can continue to grow and blossom and shine and dare to to be your yourself and enjoy the process. Enjoy enjoy the life journey with the different curves, that will just bring learning and allow you to grow even more and spread your wings more and more. So to take care of over your fire, you remember in the Olympics, how they're very careful with the fire of passing it on. Do the same with with your own inner inner fire, which includes your your power, your wisdom, your joy, your values, everything. So, so take care of it with love.

Agi Keramidas  41:29  
Thank you. And based on the conversation we had

today, what's one book that you would recommend to the listeners?

Lucia Montanaro  41:38  
Can I be greedy and choose to. Of course. So two books that I would recommend is, is one is the the four toltec agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz which are about guiding principles to guide your life. It's a very short book. And, and it's a it's very inspiring, and sometimes, you know, sometimes when doesn't need to find complicated solutions, but when you actually live by them, when you master them, then it shifts your your life and the other book is is the Go Giver. And, and is is about is about always, always wanting to, to ensure that in every conversation in every connection in every interaction, you're focused on, on giving and and increasing the value in something that you can give to other people and and so be generous with yourself and and be focused on on what you can give rather than what you can get out of situations.

Agi Keramidas  43:01  
Lucia Thank you very much for this intriguing conversation that requires some many notes some many points that were quite actionable and that's I always like that to give after conversation for someone to be able to you know, implement something later today or tomorrow whenever but big quick the action. So thank you again very much for sharing your wisdom with us today. I want to wish you all the very best with your life and your mission. Any last parting words?

Lucia Montanaro  43:38  
Thank you very much Aggie for for this opportunity to have this wonderful conversation with you. My last parting words would be to stress that that change is possible that really believe deep inside of you that change is possible and that change is a choice. And and so if you want to change your world, start by by changing your thoughts and your attitude and you will see your life progressively unfolding to the life that you want. So believe change is possible

Agi Keramidas  44:21  
thank you so much for listening and I hope you got great value from

today's episode.

And if you'd be so kind, will you please share this episode with a friend who you think will benefit from listening. And until next time, stand out don't fit in