#137 The differences between men's and women's personal development and the three levels of emotional awareness, with Chris Marhefka (part 2).

___

Episode Transcript

___

0:05  
Welcome to the personal development mastery podcast. I'm Agi Keramidas. And my mission is to inspire you to rise up, grow, stand out and take action towards the next level of your life. I interview leaders, influencers, entrepreneurs, authors, exceptional people who can and will inspire you to improve your life, Jr for two episodes each week, and make sure you subscribe to the podcast to get the episodes as soon as they are released.

0:36  
This is the second half of the conversation with Chris Marhefka. If you haven't listened to the first part, then go back to previous episode 136, where Chris talked about the permission to be our most authentic selves, guiding our life from our heart and coming back to the breath.

0:58  
Instead of asking a specific question, I will quote you with a phrase that I read in your website, and I believe I've read it by Tony Robbins as well. And he said that he'll the boy and the man will appear. So I will, in this case, I will make the question specific for for the May or does not listen to this, but I want you to share with me your wisdom

1:29  
imparted with

1:32  
the inner child work and all this.

1:37  
Yeah, absolutely is very passionate about this and specifically about male development because I understand it really well. I understand the male process and and it is honestly different than a female, we both have a boatload of challenges and a boatload of things that we must overcome in our growth development process. But But men and women go through different things. And so I think it's important to talk about them separately, because the the content of them is different. Even if the context is we're all just healing, we're all just growing.

2:17  
And

2:19  
what what we see in development of a human, you start out this little blob of cells, and then you grow in your mother's womb, and you are born into the world. And then you grow and develop is simply just a process of

2:36  
seeing, hearing and feeling this new world around you and making sense of it. And so this whole time you're developing, you're creating these stories about what's happening. You're like, Oh, I see mom acting this way. Okay, so that's the way I need to act in this situation. Okay, cool. I see the way the dad is talking to this cashier at the store and Okay, that's the way we respond here, I see the way that mom and dad interact, they see the way that they're modelling a relationship for me or love.

3:12  
And all of these happen. And they happen sequentially. So there's different learnings that happen when you're just born. There's different learnings that happen when you're two years old when you're four years old. And so as we're developing, you either get healthy learning from mom and dad, or you get unhealthy learning, or, or we're actually a lack as well. And so if something is missing, you just don't get that model. And so you you, something gets made up along the way. But it's not necessarily a healthy expression of it. And I'm not here to judge like, healthy expressions, but we all have some universal ways where

3:59  
we can show

4:02  
where we can communicate, we'll just use a really simple one. Like if I, if I just scream at you, and I'm yelling every time we talk, like that's not a healthy way to communicate. Otherwise, just to hear your perspective, share mine, and then we can move forward. And so there's healthy ways there's unhealthy ways, and then there's a gap in learning. And somewhere along the line, we're all growing and developing and hopefully, you you have really good models along the way. Mostly parents, but also grandparents and brothers and sisters, and then community in schools and churches and all those things. They all have an impact. But really, the mother and father are the most critical.

4:47  
And

4:50  
as you develop some things

4:55  
there's little events that happen and a little event may

5:00  
Be like I was five years old. And this actually happened to me. Dad was five minutes late to pick me up from soccer practice. And I remember in my healing experience, this came up as a moment where I was abandoned, where I couldn't actually trust other people. Because I was sitting there for five minutes, which feels like a lifetime to a five year old. And just thinking like, Oh, no, like, parents are gone. They're supposed to be there for me. There's, and and it's getting, it's getting ingrained in me. It's getting ingrained in my body and my system. And then dad shows up five minutes later into him, everything's fine. He's just watching my sister play on the other field. He just thought it ended Five minutes later. It's like, no big deal. And he hugs me and I suppress that feeling of, Oh, no, I just got abandoned, I suppress it. I'm like, Okay, well, I just got to keep living life. And then something else happens. And I point to, and I go, Oh, look, that's another example of being abandoned. And then it happens in a relationship later in life. And I point to it. And so over time, those beliefs get stronger, and stronger to the point to where we think that they're fat. We think that their truth, like it was at the point where I just believed that I couldn't trust other people in my life. And

6:21  
it was, I just believed it to be true. And we all have these sets of beliefs that we live our life by, that we hold to be true. And some of them are really serving us. And some of them are not serving, like that wasn't serving me.

6:37  
I wanted to trust my employees, I wanted to trust my partner in my relationships, I want to trust my friends, but it was just always like, I was holding everything really tight, and I couldn't actually allow others in.

6:50  
And so all of us have these different limiting beliefs that are not serving us. And they're showing up in our adult life. But that's actually not where they started. They're just playing out right now. Because it's what we believe. So the inner child work is we take that, okay, what's showing up in your life today, and then we go back, we go back, we go back, we go back to the to the first time this was imprinted. And the first time this showed up, because that's where the trauma happened. And trauma is just an experience that happens in the body when something happens, and so trauma happens in the body, and it gets held on to and then it gets repeated as a pattern. And so we go back to that moment, and we heal it there. As silly as that may sound is silly as it may sound that I my whole life was driven around not trusting people from this one interaction when I was five years old on the soccer field. It's silly as adults to say that. But it's accurate. When I healed that. I realised like, oh, wow, like, I can actually let people I can trust. And so I started practising that new script. And

8:02  
that's the process of inner child work. Because all of us in some area of life are just a version of our child self walking around in this world in an adult body. And until we heal that Wounded Child, that's, that's

8:18  
showing up in an unhealthy expressions of anger and frustration and rage and hate, and fear. Until we heal, heal those parts of our child, they're going to run the show, they're going to keep running our lives and running the lives of whatever things they run. And so you've got so many people, leading businesses and leading politics and leading communities that are simply just wounded children. And, and as soon as that shifts, as soon as those things are healed,

8:52  
they show up a lot differently. Because they're not protecting themselves from this wound anymore.

8:59  
And that's why I think that this was the different path that I that I found was this inner child healing work is work, but it's done at a very deep level, it's not just learning a new skill and then applying that new skill in your in your life in your mind. It's like, oh, we're gonna get to the root of it. We're gonna get to the root of why this keeps happening for me. And I found it to be the most transformational and the most lasting way to do personal development. As you're you're literally getting to rewrite your movie.

9:36  
Of course, you absolutely were aware you are aware of that moment in the football field when you're five. So did you used to remember it or did it just come up as part of the work? It just came up? You know, I when someone would ask me, I would say that and I would, I would be honest, I didn't really remember much of my childhood.

10:00  
Before seven or eight years old, I couldn't come up with memories. I couldn't come up. I couldn't remember, maybe a little bit of the house when I was like, but no, I know memories, and they were all just suppressed. But when I started doing this healing work, there's something that happens. There's a process we take people through called priming safety. And the safety in our body is what keeps us from accessing these memories. Because the memories are just stored in the body. And when we when we get safe enough,

10:32  
all of a sudden, our system is like, okay, okay, we can go into this now, we actually are ready to go into this. And if we're, if we're feeling unsafe in any way, it's almost like there's a higher wisdom and knows, like, hey, he can handle this right now. Like, he needs to stay with something that's a little bit lighter. And that's why most people stay with their adult problems, because it's something that they can hold and understand. They're like, and they try to figure out, but once you get, once you teach people how to create safety in their system, you keep getting safer and safer and safer. They can deal with literally any trauma that has ever happened to them in this life, or a pastor there, generational traumas, like it's possible. But it's, it's, it's a practice, it's a practice of getting to safety, and then staying there when you're dealing with some really uncomfortable sensations that arise. So when people think of the most horrific things that have happened to them in their life, it creates a chaos in the body that we don't want to feel, because it's uncomfortable.

11:40  
And so immediately we go to escape it, we escape it in a lot of different ways.

11:46  
Either either physically, or we do things to forget about it, or we go up to our mind, or we just leave it all together. There's a lot of protective mechanisms, we call them protectors. But when you learn to stay safe in it, you learn to stay in it, we can act, that's where the healing actually happens when we get to close the loop on that experience. And it doesn't stay open, where it keeps happening over and over again, we get to close the loop and change the change of the ending, we get to change the way you experience it now. And that's the part that people can set down, set down these these weights that they've been carrying, that happened to them when they were three years old, or whatever. And they get to finally live their life independent of that event that happened to them. And it was running the show for their whole life.

12:37  
Yeah, and that's the thing that there is something running the show, and many people are completely unaware that there is something like that, running the show.

12:51  
And, and even worse than that, and even worse, but like most even further than unaware, we think we're in control. I did. I know I did. And a lot of people I work with you, I thought that I had every single piece of the puzzle together. And then I was moving the parts around. And it was such a lack of awareness on my part that there were all of these unconscious things that were underneath of the surface that I wasn't looking at. And so Meanwhile, I'm thinking that that was the most frustrating part was, I thought I was so good at controlling it all. But I kept having the same thing show up and I thought I fixed this. I thought I saw this.

13:35  
I was getting frustrated.

13:40  
You're you also mentioned that I wanted to ask you about this in a different context. You said about

13:48  
that uncomfortable experience that people build the protectively. And I will

13:55  
ask you about a different scenario, maybe not a very bad experience, but the negative emotion or a bad emotional state, that many people instead of feeling it.

14:09  
They tend to try to either suppress it or

14:15  
get distracted in order because in order for it to go away, rather than actually being present with emotion, so I wanted to comment about that as well, Chris. Yeah. Yeah, I'll first start by talking about the difference between

14:35  
explained three levels of awareness. The first level is the actual physical sensation that's happening in your body. describing it by does it have a shape does it have a colour does have a texture does have a style, like if you were to describe this uncomfortable feeling, you're having

15:00  
Well, how would you describe it in just simple adjectives?

15:06  
There's that level of awareness. And then there's the level of awareness of what we're calling that sensation. This is our emotions. So I'm calling this sensation, sadness, or shame, or I'm calling this anxiety, or I'm calling this any other anger. Any other emotion that we have a label for is just a set of sensations in the body that we've gotten used to identifying as, as this emotion. So there's, so there's the level of sensation, which is just as if this is just what's happening my system, there's the level of emotion, which is now I'm putting it into a box of this emotion. And then the next level is the mental awareness, where you're judging the emotion or trying to figure out why it's there. So there's a story involved now. So okay, why am I sad? Why am I anxious right now, oh, I'm always anxious when this happens. And this is where the story in the mind complicates things. And so there's this, as soon as you that, that mind level awareness is only the first layer. And so once you get stuck there, it's really hard to escape, because it's sneaky. It loops in it clearly tells you all these stories. And then, and sometimes it will tell you why. And you'll believe it for a short period of time, or you'll you'll you'll distract yourself to something else. And it gives you this a little moment of relief. But it's not lasting, because you didn't actually deal with with the sensation you just distracted. And so people get really used to these little short, short bursts of relief. And those are the actions that most people are taking that make up the majority of their life is they're just taking little actions to avoid feeling sensations in the body that we've judged is not good. Judges, wrong judges, the bad emotions, judges, things that don't want to feel. And when you get to a layer that's deeper than that into just, oh, I'm feeling I'm feeling tingling in my fingers. I've got this tight sensation in my chest, and it's red. And it's when you get to that level, that's what we call pure acceptance. You're not making a this thing in your chest wrong. You're just actually accepting it. You're saying, oh, thank you for being here. Oh, interesting. Wow, that wasn't there a moment ago to now get curious about it. And this is the process we do in our work is it's just getting to a level full acceptance of what's happening. And there's, there's a moment that everyone experiences in our work where they, it takes a minute, it takes two minutes, maybe three minutes. When we when we guide people through it, it's not a lifetime, like people think it is it's emotions go really fast. If you watch a child, and they're playing, they're playing with their, their toys, and then one of them breaks. And they they're immediately sad. Oh my gosh, sound toys. And they feel through, they feel through they feel through it. And what happens on the other side of a temper tantrum, they're ready to play again. Yeah, that's us as well. But we suppress the part that wants to throw the tantrum. So rather than just throwing the tantrum and be like, Hey, I'm sad right now. I'm angry right now. And feeling it for two minutes. we suppress it. And it's just this low level anger. It's this low level sadness that just keeps stacking up. And so we teach people how to feel it out, feel what's there, not judge it, just let it happen. Let it move through you in a really safe in a safe way. safe container. And when it gets to the other side of it, like, Oh, that's it. That's it. Like, I was avoiding just feeling this thing. And we just felt it in two or three minutes. And I feel great. Yeah, yeah. And so we teach people that process of doing that systematically in their life. So anytime a sensation coast comes up

19:11  
most people's responses to get the hell out of there. Our clients, they stay with it. Not Okay, cool. All right. Great. That's here. Awesome. I feel okay.

19:23  
Okay, good. Now they're ready to move on with their day. So it's it's very quick like feeling checking in process, welcoming in the sensations. And

19:32  
it's the mind that wants to understand it's the mind that wants to control it. And so anytime, and this is the constant practice for everyone, but anytime we jump back to our mind, we use the breath and the safety to just come back to the body. Nope, safe to go into that. Now. It's safe to safe to experience this sensation and we just keep Nope, that's it. That's it. And it's it's it's so simple. That like

19:58  
my

20:00  
My masculine mind who who read, like 100 personal development books in one year wants to be like that is stupid.

20:09  
But it works, it works so well. And it's universal to every human. And it gives you control back of your life because you're no longer controlled by these sensations in your body that we call emotions that we form stories, stories about in our mind. And most people this is this is the common ailment of most people is that the entirety of their lives are being directed

20:42  
all of their actions, all of their thoughts, all of their being is being directed by avoiding certain sensations in their own body,

20:51  
the fear, the judgement,

20:55  
all of that is just controlling the way they live their life. And, and when they no longer have

21:04  
those things driving their life, they get to now create their life. They get to that they now have a blank canvas and be like, No, I want to do this and I'm going to do this because this is what I want. I want to become an artist I want to do this thing. And I don't care what other people think like I'm going to be me no matter what. And when they get to that level of freedom of being free of their own judgments. They get to create the life that they truly desire.

21:34  
And that's that's a gift that more people are learning about and more people are figuring out

21:41  
thank you for these

21:44  
I think if one manages to master which just explain that now

21:51  
I don't know if there are many other things that one will need to master after that already father things exist for one to master. It is been I liked so much how you describe it about the most people do in thinks or taking actions to avoid a physical sensation which there is a story in the mind that this is this and that and that and we shouldn't have it.

22:19  
It's so simple. Yet it is for me it is extremely profound. And when you were talking about the the motions, I remember a phrase I read in a book, which I'm sure you've read it in the past by Dan Millman. He was talking about the emotions, let it flow and let it go, which is so simple and profound, yet how many of us, we don't let the emotion flow we block it somehow and the way we distract ourselves completely by doing something else. And then something inside the body gets stuck and stuck. And yes, unfortunately leads to

23:04  
not well, to go mental and physical dis ease. And the word emotion is derived from emo tear. In Latin, emo tear simply means energy in emotion. But the way that we hold our emotions, like you said, if we hold on to them, and we crib tight, and as soon as we let go, and we let that energy move through us.

23:36  
It's Yeah, it's it's the way we're it's designed to work. It's the way it's naturally designed to work. It's just a flow through us. And when we do all of that resist all that like frustration that resistance both physically, mentally and emotionally. It takes a lot of work to fight against yourself. It takes a lot of work to hold on to things that want to be let go. It takes a lot of work. It's like you're pushing a weighted sled uphill. When you do this work and you learn to let things flow through you life feels easy. It feels like you're rolling a ball down a hill rather than pushing a weighted sled up a hill. And it's only because you're now letting the natural flow of what you're accepting the natural flow of what's happening rather than trying to resist everything that your mind wants to control. And that takes a lot, a lot of effort and a lot of energy to try to control that and you never actually really do

24:39  
you just get burnt out. Yeah.

24:43  
It's completely pointless if we just put it down.

24:47  
Yep.

24:49  
Yeah.

24:51  
Crystal, this is a I want to ask you a one more thing because you work with you in yours.

25:00  
Training comm for the show you work with both with men and women. So if I were to ask you, in your experience, what is the number one difference between men and women in terms of their own personal development or in the way that they

25:17  
develop? Do you? Do you think there is one?

25:22  
factor that stands out to you more than anything else? Yeah, definitely.

25:29  
I would say that

25:32  
the

25:34  
number one, like generational trauma of women, is being hurt in some way physically, emotionally, mentally

25:46  
by men, and the wound of men is as the suppressor. And so both come with challenges. Both come with things to overcome. And on average, I'll, I'll share this.

26:09  
I heard once I don't know how true it is. But in my independent research and conversations, it feels true that the average man fears for his physical life, his physical safety, where it's life threatening about five times in his life, like, truly, I may die, like I'm accepting death. And that feels true for me, too. It's probably a handful, the average woman about five times an hour.

26:35  
It's constant. Yeah. And

26:40  
so that to even wrap, like, I still I do this work, and I work with women all the time. And I still don't fully understand what that means. But I noticed it all the time, where I'll say something, and then a woman will provide a perspective and like, Wow, I didn't see it that way. Because I don't have any awareness of that level of physical safety, of like, doing it. And so and often times, it's at the hand of a more physically powerful man.

27:15  
And, and so that's the common wound of women, the generational wound. And we we've, we've suppressed women in our cultures. And so there's a lot of, there's a lot of anger there, there's a lot of desire to lash back. And I actually, it's only women could do it so gracefully, they there has been a lot of like, force against force in this, this men versus women thing. And that's not really a thing, but society makes it a thing. There is like some really anger, there's a lot of anger that's expressed, which is valid, it's there. But also the way that women are doing it so gracefully, that I witness is amazing, because they've been suppressed, they've been hurt, they've been abused. And yet, they're still showing up in in like, a lot of love for the men in their lives. And I'm talking about the circles that I'm in and my friends and people that are doing this deep healing work, I'm witnessing it and I'm like, wow, like, like, I admire that because if I was hurt the way that that you were in the way that your mom was in all of the maternal paternal matches the mother lineage, yeah, maternal age,

28:31  
I would be I would be a lot more bitter and resentful. So that's on the women's side. And on the men's side, oftentimes, we me as a man, I'm, I'm constantly dealing with all of the unconscious ways that I show up, that are damaging to other people, they're damaging to the environment. They're damaging to children to women, and they're all unconscious. And so it's like this.

28:59  
It's it's like the two sides of the same coin.

29:03  
And me carrying around the guilt and the shame of all the mistakes I made in my past and all the mistakes of the men before me and all the

29:12  
all the atrocities that were done usually on by the hand of a man. And so that is just like the general like bubble of the culture that we're living in. And unfortunately, people that are really wounded, they just, they they stick knives in those wounds and they try to open them up deeper because it's the only thing they know how to do. And that's the way that most people respond to like this, this men and women healing together. But in my experience in the work that I do, and the people that I surround myself with, it's a lot of support. It's the women are showing up for the men and allowing them to be emotionally safe, because the way that women feel, don't feel physically safe. Men have

30:00  
The same experience of emotional safety, they're used to being manipulated by women, they don't even realise it, that's a women had to develop their emotional manipulation muscle, because they were physically weaker than men. And so they had to learn how to have an upper hand. And so men are used to keeping it really tight in and not being emotionally vulnerable, because that's the only way they could feel safe. And so, most experiences of men are if they show any weakness, it gets, it gets attacked, it gets attacked in the playground, it gets attacked by dad, it gets attacked by the other boys. And so

30:43  
the process of men getting to emotional safety, and, and, and feeling whatever's going on for them.

30:52  
I find that women are showing us that and men are showing up for for physical safety and holding women in their process. And, and we're both teaching each other that it doesn't have to be the way that maybe our parents had or their parents had. And we can write a new script where we're both showing up for each other. And

31:12  
I mean, that's the world that I live in. And it's happening every day. And it's, it's it's beautiful to watch, because it's so different than most people's script. And I get on so many calls I, I was just on a call a friend of mine was running a group of 100 women or so. And she she invited me on, and I was representing just a healthy version of the masculine. And they were asking questions. And I can't tell you how many of those 100 women, they were responding back in the chat. They're like, this is so different than anything I've ever experienced. Like, I've never met a man that a man that's like actually owned that responsibility or this or that. And I love hearing that. Because anytime we challenge a script, it's the first step in awareness of changing it. And so

32:07  
the work that I'm doing is just constantly challenging people script. It's like, Yeah, you've, you've lived that in your life before. And I see like, I can feel that I can see there's trauma there. I can see there's wounding there. But are you ready to put it down and move forward. And so when people say they're ready, that's where this work comes in.

32:30  
Thank you for this, Chris, this is such a fascinating conversation, we could go on for another hour easily.

32:41  
We're

32:43  
good, great dances.

32:46  
And I would like to relax, suddenly start roughing

32:51  
things out. But I actually want to ask you some quickfire questions that I always ask my guests. And the first one I always ask is What does personal development mean to you?

33:06  
growth being better tomorrow than you were today.

33:11  
Yeah.

33:14  
In whatever, whatever area is meaningful for you. So it's looking inside, seeing the things that you want to grow in, and then just being 1% better the next moment, and the next moment. And the next moment, personal development is a choice, that every moment we get to make. And so in this moment, I get to choose do I want to be the better version of myself the version I want to be or just the version that I have been being? And so it's that little free refrain that I'm like, Nope, I'm the Choose, I'm gonna choose me. I'm gonna choose my higher self and choose this as personal development to be

33:49  
awesome. And if you could go back in time and meet your 18 year old self with one piece of advice, would you give him

33:59  
any piece of advice I would give him he probably wouldn't listen to but I would give it to him.

34:04  
Anyway, it would be be easy on yourself. Yeah, I I learned to judge myself harder than anyone ever could judge me. And it caused myself a lot of pain and suffering. And so just be easy on myself and everything's gonna be okay. You're doing a great job. You're doing your best.

34:28  
Yeah, I hear a variation of what you just say. Many people had said something similar, differently worded than the thing. It's so common, being hard on ourselves and

34:42  
a crease I'm always very big on giving to the listeners something actionable, something that they can make from this whole conversation

34:53  
and implement in order to start making a change in their life show out of everything we discussed with

35:00  
section of lightning would you give to the listener to take on both?

35:06  
Yeah, the, I would say the most practical, practical implementable would be

35:17  
any time one of the listeners, if something happens in your life and you feel a response, you're aware that there's something happening, you're about to react, you're about to,

35:30  
there's an emotion, or there's a trigger somewhere, you read something on social media, or someone says something at work. So anytime that that happens,

35:40  
the the tool would be to just take a breath

35:45  
really deeply, fully into your diaphragm, like the biggest breath you ever have. Because most people are just really short, shallow breathing, and then you just let it go.

35:56  
And you just keep doing that while while you're allowing your body to relax on your exhale.

36:03  
And do that 10 times just 10 breaths. This feels like the simplest advice. But what that does, is it gives you space to decide what you do next.

36:16  
And most people, I believe, are inherently good, and they want to do the best for themselves and for that for others.

36:24  
When we're triggered,

36:27  
that that desire isn't there, of like wanting to do our best, and we just respond. And sometimes we we come back to and be like, Wow, I didn't really like how I responded there. That wasn't me. I don't know what I don't know what that was. So

36:42  
the more we slow down, and the more we breathe, and we settle our system down, the more we have space to choose. And in that choosing, most people make better decisions for themselves and for others. And so my my practical advice is to slow down, how fast you're moving. Slow down, like literally how fast you walk, slow down, how fast you talk, slow down, how fast you breathe, and all of that you'll start to notice, you'll start to notice a lot more things in your life that you didn't see before when you were just rushing through everything. So slow down how you play with your kids, slow down how you eat dinner, slow down, how you do that next task at work. And you'll you'll notice that

37:33  
you have a lot more say in your life than you think. And you'll get this you'll start making more loving decisions, you'll start to make more compassionate decisions.

37:46  
And ultimately, like that gives you the first level of control back in your life when you're not controlled by that that immediate trigger response. So just advice to slow down, take a breath, take take a few more.

38:02  
And allow yourself to come back to that presence that peaceful place before you take an action forward.

38:11  
That's beautiful advice. Thank you. That's amazing.

38:15  
And, Chris, how can people connect with you and find out more about this fascinating transformations and work that you provide?

38:28  
Thank you.

38:30  
The best way is to follow me on Instagram. It's at Chris Marhefka, my full name. And that's where we're connected. And I share a lot on there vulnerably. And honestly, I share posts and stories about my experience. And I think some people find it useful. So follow along with me there. And then also Chris Marhefka, calm my name. And then training camp for the soul calm training camp for the soul calm is my programme. And we're constantly running different classes and workshops and free resources. And we've got plenty of ways where we can get people from where they are today to just the next step, and the next step after that. So I invite anyone who's interested or has loved this conversation and wants more to come find me. I'm here for you.

39:26  
And

39:28  
so we have talked for quite the end I will share honestly it was quite longer than we were planning initially and without server anything. So is there anything that you were really hoping we would talk about today, Chris, and we completely

39:46  
skipped it.

39:54  
No, I you asked phenomenal questions. There was nothing that I wanted to talk about that we

40:00  
Didn't.

40:03  
And I think we hit on the perspective of personal development, because I know this podcast is all about personal development. And the one thing I'll share is that

40:16  
I'm starting to contemplate this idea of the two sides of personal development. And it's almost like the masculine and the feminine. And we've gotten really good at the masculine side, which is like the learning the information and the learning this the skills and the tools and the strategies. And that's really common in our society. It's like, Oh, you want to learn something like, okay, go read the book on it. That's really useful. listen to the podcast on there's great information here.

40:51  
That part I think, if people are listening to this, they're probably doing pretty well are on there. They're on the path. It's the other side of the, even when you're implementing these things, what's in the way? What what are the things underneath of the surface, and this is what we talked about this whole show about the emotions and about the the triggers and in about the limiting beliefs.

41:14  
And so I think it's, they're both equally important, but the the what's underneath the surface has been ignored for a long time in personal development. And the way I think I said, this example, when I looked at

41:31  
all of the relationships in my life, and I looked at all the problems I was having, and the ones that kept repeating and coming back, the common denominator was always me, it was always me. And when I finally owned that fact, I got to, I got to not even fix, but I get to look at and address and feel through the things that were underneath the surface for me, that that made those tools less effective, because I was just sabotaging. And I was I wanted them to go a certain way. And so once I started addressing the other side, the stuff below the surface, every tool that I used, every strategy that I learned, became infinitely more effective, because now I was out of the way. And so both are important, but I think it's we're waiting way too heavily on one. And that's why I tell people like

42:28  
when I anytime I, I, I've done a lot of this deeper healing work. Anytime I go, and I go to a seminar, or I read a book, it hits me differently, I hear things differently. I they they process through differently. And I'm able to integrate them into my life and use them. And I think that's that's the part about personal development I really want to hit home is that if you find yourself in the process of the of the learning in the in the tactics and the tools and the strategies, and you're still not getting the change that you want, it may be time to look at the other side of that coin and say, okay, what's what's beneath all this. And then sometimes people do enough of that deep work and they need real strategies to implement in their life. And then that's where they come back to the other side and they're say, Okay, now I want to put structure back in and I want to build up and use these

43:27  
tools.

43:30  
So usually, I think most of the times it's the other way around.

43:37  
For me infobase throw out

43:40  
the the other side of the coin, as you say, Yeah, I will I will share crispy. I have committed recently that after every conversation I have for my podcast, I will also share my own biggest insight from this conversation.

43:58  
And from what you share today, the biggest one that made an impact on me was when you were saying about the emotions appearing. And we tend to use a mental to interpret them mentally by our brain by our mind by giving them a story. And once the stories there, then whatever the emotion was initially all about is gone because the story is something that our mind creates based on completely different factors the past two conditioning

44:36  
and for me that's very big gas and inside that whenever I get stuck in a story about my feeling that I have

44:48  
to go deeper, describe it and even deeper and feel it physically and describe the physical sensation because that's in the end that is what it is. It is something in the

45:00  
Bodi and not the story. So thank you very much for for that, in giving me that, that insight. I want to thank you again for a truly absorbing conversation, I believe it was completely invaluable for the listener.

45:20  
I want to wish you all the best with your transformational work and everything you do to help make this world a better place.

45:29  
Any last parting words from you?

45:35  
You're welcome. And thank you. Thank you for the platform to share this with your listeners. And this is honestly my life's work and mission is to to heal the world and it and generational trauma to normalise healing. And being on here I know gets me one step closer to that. So I just want to thank you for the opportunity.

46:08  
I hope you enjoyed listening. And I have a question for you.

46:12  
How would you like a blueprint to your personal development.

46:17  
If you sometimes think that there are so many different things out there you could do for your personal growth, but you're not sure on where to start, or what's the next best step. If you'd like a blueprint to help you take control of your personal development, your focus habits, confidence and ultimately your time and energy. Then you will love my online course essential personal development blueprint. The link is in the show notes or type bits.ny slash IDs course Agi s course. And until next time, stand out don't fit in

Transcribed by https://otter.ai