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Episode Transcript
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0:02
Welcome to the personal development mastery Podcast. I am Agi Keramidas and my mission is to inspire you to grow, stand out and take action towards the next level of your life. I interview leaders, authors, successful entrepreneurs, spiritual teachers, exceptional people who will inspire you to improve your life. Tune in for two episodes each week and make sure you subscribe to get them as soon as they are. In today's show, I am delighted to speak with Tafazal Mohammed. Taf, you are a certified coach and mentor and trainer, you have a personal story, which is a living example of change arising as you say, from the beat into your personal power and going from struggling to thriving. You are passionate about helping your clients improve their well being self confidence and communication skills to awaken the inner man and operate from a place of emotional stability and empowered decision making. And your mission is to inspire a million people globally with your message of belief that you can. Taf I'm overjoyed to have you on the show today.
1:24
I'm really honoured as well to be here. Thank you, thank you so much for inviting me as well.
1:29
That I'm going to start with your story actually, which says I believe it's very any story of transformation is inspiring, I believe. But I think yours is quite relatable to many, many people going from where you were struggling. And I will let you share the details rather than me. But let's start with this. And I'm going to ask you to paint a picture for us of the person that you were before this transformation started to happen so that we can understand where you were
2:11
Shaggy. I mean, that's a huge question, actually. But I'm really ready for that as well, to share that with the people. And I share that probably because there was a time when I didn't want to share that story. And that's because I actually used to speak down to myself and about myself as well. It was a difficult period. And I came across somebody once and he said something really they actually had an impact on me on the way I saw things and the way I saw my own story as well. And he said that, you know, your story could be someone else's survival kit. You know your story, if you share it with other men, you know, perhaps they will be able to see some kind of hope that you know, you've been through something so challenging in your life, that now they can see there is a way out because you've now become that quote unquote hero in their life. So I think for me, those years if I was to reflect, reflect back on those years, it was a time when I was not quote unquote, going through the motions of life. So a father, a husband, a son, you know, a brother. And what what happens oftentimes is that you become so engrossed in life itself and being busy with life that you forget about life. And what I mean by that is you forget about yourself. So for me, I had given up some very important things that were for my benefit at the expense of my health and well being. And I dedicated my life to everyone else, except for myself. So whether it was work, trying to make ends meet, whether it was trying to help, personally, right, mentally even as I was the kind of guy who was always the first person to help other people. Right. But little did people know that you know, I was like this glorious Swan on the lake who was, you know, very stable outwardly. But under the water, my feet were flapping, right so I had this agitation within me but yet there's this thing, this stigma, I'd say, you know, particularly a man from the Asian subcontinent you know, we're not meant to share emotion does mean Okay, so we're tough men. You know, we hold it together for everybody else. And therefore, you know, we can't show emotions in fact, you know, I don't remember a time when my immediate family showed me emotions.
4:58
And you know, those kind of had an impact on me on how I dealt with life as well. So it was a given that, you know, I, I'd have to go through these things. And, you know, if something came up as a challenge, then you know, it was okay. I just had to kind of just suppress those emotions and feelings and get on with life. So I was very emotionally, I'd say bankrupt. You know, I was looking for something which I realised after some work working with a coach, actually, last year, I realised it was it was some trauma I held from my childhood. And the thing was that my parents got divorced when I was eight. And myself and my two youngest sisters were sent to Pakistan. So that's, you know, my ethnic background. And a picture, if you will, I mean, we were on an aeroplane with a complete stranger. So my mother and father never went with us. We were on a complete with on an aeroplane with a complete stranger go into this alien land we'd never been before. And the distinct memory I have of Pakistan is when the door opened. So you know, like when you when you put something in the oven, and you kind of open the door, and this is gust of air hits your face. Yes. And it was like that Aggie, and it was just so it's had an impact on my memory. And then from there, we travelled on this minibus for two hours or so to the village. And, you know, I've shared this with social workers and foster carers. And I said, for me, that experience was like, being put into a foster home. without, without referral. Yeah, there was no referral process. Like I said, I did, I didn't know and it was my step grandmother, and my auntie as well, but we'd never met before. So imagine being transported to this alien land, living with strangers, and not knowing what was happening. So we weren't told what was happening. And I ended up staying there just over two years. And that had a huge impact on my emotional sense of well being again, and it was something that when I came back, so those couple of years where my, you could say, you know, I was vulnerable. You know, I was very vulnerable and very withdrawn. I, when I came back, I couldn't speak English. And I went to a language school, and I was vulnerable again. And I remember going through these years, not really knowing who I was, and what I needed, although my subconscious knew exactly what I needed. And therefore what happened in life. This, this pit wasn't a shot experience. For me, it was an experience for almost 40 years again, you know, and that's the most, I think, alarming thing that sometimes you can live through life. And there are certain things that hold us back, or we're not aware of those things. And when I did this deep inner work with this with this wonderful coach in Australia, she actually drew this out of me that, in my past relationships, I was looking for the two things I was missing from my childhood. And those two things were love and connection. And so I ended up looking for these things in in in other people, where obviously those people didn't know that I was looking for those things, neither could they give them to me in the way that I wanted them. And then had this epiphany going again,
8:40
I just wanted to Yeah, so I basically you I was trying to bring the conversation a bit to that moment or that period, because it's usually a period rather than a moment of when you've had all these let's say motional baggage, it's been stacking up keeping everything in and I said earlier that it is I believe very relatable as a story not not specifically you know, the childhood experiences each of us have their own you know, things that they carry, but being at the states in your in one's life where you just go with the motions, you don't express really what's going on and you're just time goes by. And of course there are other consequences with your health and emotionally and everything else before. Usually something happens in changes that I know because I've been in a similar emotional situation that I needed to change and that's why I'm focused. I want to focus on this because I'm sure that many people have been or there are in a In a state like you were or like I was years ago, and something propelled you and prepared me to change so can you can we move to that period of time now and see the what pushed you over the other side?
10:19
Well, actually, it's really good you say that, and it was an unsuspecting mentor. So somebody I didn't suspect would be my mentor. And I remember when when I had to leave my home, I slept on my Ellison sofa for four months, you know, I live living out of a sports bag. But this mentor, and that was a period of the pit, you know, depression. And I think it was a high of depression and this mentor would come to me and, and said, is very inspirational things. And give you one example. So he introduced me to Les Brown. And Les Brown said, you know, if you defeat the enemy within the enemy outside can do no harm. And I'm thinking of these things. I'm thinking, Wow, I've never heard those things before. And I realised actually that the solution to the problem is within me. The situation I have a right now, I cannot be a victim of my circumstances. I have to control my destiny moving forward. Right? I'm the captain of my ship and the master of my destiny. Right. And I heard this other statement from this unsuspecting mentor, I'm not sure who that person was in a minute. And you know, I had this thing about that, you know, be careful of your thoughts because your thoughts become your words. Be careful of your words, become your words, become your actions, be careful of your actions, because your actions become your habits. Be careful of your habits, because your habits become your character. Be careful of your character because your character becomes your destiny. And I realised Oh my God, your thoughts become your destiny, I need to change the way I think. And that was the Epiphany I had that I literally am in control of my future. And that's unsuspecting mentor was actually my son. So he was like the kid, the guy I used to inspire when he was younger and now he's in his 20s now and he's realised my dad's on this you know is he's on a downer right now you know just not feeling great about himself so he'd come up with these statements and he was into you know, fitness and use quote Alice watchmaker and Les Brown and all these things so you just send me these amazing motivational talks. So I realised actually that I need to do something and that was like Tony Robbins says he says that it can take a lifetime to decide to do something but once you decide it can be an overnight thing Yeah. And and that was it. I looked at myself in the mirror one day and I said to myself, I made promises it's from today onwards, you are going to change and that was a promise I made to myself again and I've kept that promise throughout until now Was there
13:08
anything particular about that day anything about was that a specific day then that you faced the mirroring you said that what what else was going on during that day?
13:18
Actually, what it was ag I realised that when I used to be in my element, I was into physical fitness. And I remember this nine pound 99 sale coming on at the local gym, right? And I thought okay, that's great, you know, I'll join the gym but I thought can I afford 10 pounds and I realised oh my god I've been spending so much money on everybody else and I'm questioning whether this has any value for me and now it was the moment Aggie I realised that all these years I've been neglecting myself the year I've been serving other people you know and I heard this statement somewhere afterwards and and the statement was that you know, the tree that denies itself sunshine and water isn't able to bear fruit for others and I realised I was at three that you know, was denying myself sunshine and water all this time. So I realised I was denying myself and also I was taking myself away from those very things or that very thing physical fitness you know, going to the gym that really breathe some life into me. So I always say to people I work with is that you know, if you if you don't have your module right now, right think about something you said enjoy when he was younger, you know, the teenager maybe or maybe at university or in your early 20s What was the thing that really gave you life? Right, go back to that, right? Just be a free spirit again. And you know, people end up smiling and they come up with all sorts of things. Yeah, I used to love you know, sorry. realise with my friends or you know, I used to be into cars, I used to do this and that and, and all of a sudden their energy shifts within them. And that's why I always say it's an internal piece of work that we do. It's what I do, I kind of try to help people to tap into their resourcefulness. They have it within them. It is sometimes they need someone else to help them to stir it a little bit, you know, and to bring it back up to the surface again, and you know, lo behold, within a very short space of time, they realise there's a missing link.
15:30
That's awesome. And so apart from the gym that you started afterwards, how else what else did you change? And specifically, I want to ask you, how did your mindset change? Yeah, yeah, you're because there are doubts that are fears in when one embarks on a different trajectory, they will inevitably they will face that dodge their fears their inner demons if you want and, and other people who will not be supportive in this journey possible. So can you share what what was it that you did differently then, as a result?
16:10
Yeah, I threw up a throughway all my clothes I brought, and I bought a brand new wardrobe for myself, okay. So I had to put into action, something that I believed and I believed I had to start spending on myself again, whether that was through a physical means, or emotional means. And so I went to I remember, I'd be in the shops all the time. So I'd be I'd be buying this shirt, these trousers, a cardigan atop, because it wasn't only retail therapy for me. It was actually therapy for me on an emotional and psychological level, that I am going to cover a new me and the new identity of Taff is going to be someone like Les Brown said, he said, get it get dressed every day, even on your days off. So you'd see me on a Sunday, dressed up in a three piece. And I remember going out one day and someone asked me says, Are you going to a wedding? I said, No, I said, I'm just living life. I said, I have all these clothes in my wardrobe, why should I wear them? Why should I wait for a wedding once or twice a year to wear something wonderful. So actually, I embodied the person I wanted to be. And I because I realised actually that if I want to be and this is a lesson perhaps for the people, if I want to be a person that I envision, I need to start taking those steps to become that person. Right? So one of my highest values is integrity. If I say I'm gonna do something, I have to do it. And the greatest integrity, they say is with yourself. So we all got to ask that question that might be very, you know, honest to myself. When I say I'm going to do something, am I interested in doing this thing? Or am I committed? Because if you're interested, excusable, coming away, don't say it's okay, I'll put it off. And you will listen to people who are like the naysayers, right? Don't do that. Don't do this. But if you're committed, you'll turn over every single stone, you make every effort to make sure that whatever you feel is best for you, that you will do it. And I think that's probably the biggest takeaway for me and for other people, perhaps, is that, you know, when you decide to do something, make sure you take the steps yourself and have this integrity with yourself. First and foremost, it's not about other people. It's about how you are with yourself.
18:52
More certainly is tough. And you reminded me when you were saying about the three piece suit on Sunday, and going from not wanting to spend 10 pounds on your cell phone, changing your whole wardrobe? There was that phrase that came to mind? I think it was Oscar Wilde who said that you you can never be overly overdressed or over educated. So it's, it was a very interesting and I wanted also to ask whether in all this transformation and change what role because I think it is important in your story, what role had to do your previous marriage and the painful divorce that you went through? Does it coincide with the same period of time or was it that completely different times?
19:47
Again, it was it was the divorce, I should that may be going to a state of depression and you know, you know, be with somebody for such a long time. I'm not going to, you know, push the blame to anyone. I think it happened. It happened. And the thing was, it was a very difficult thing for me to experience because I'm, you know, like I said before I was looking for love and connection. So I kind of I overcompensate to make sure I have those things in my life. And when those things are threatened in any way, you know, I'm going to struggle, cuz I'm not going to want to lose those things, I already lost them, you know, when I was younger. So the thing was that, that was a really pivotal experience for me. And an experience that at the time, was very challenging for me. Because like I said, I I'm a giver, so I give to everyone else. But I, I found that at the time, very difficult to receive. Therefore, when I was sleeping, my my son's software, there wasn't anyone there for me to speak to. But there was actually one guy who lent me an ear for 1015 minutes. And it was the most therapeutic 15 minutes I ever had in my life. Because I'd been holding these things inside of me, and all of a sudden, there was an outlet to be me to be a month with another man who wasn't going to judge me for my quote, unquote, you know, insecurities, or mistakes or vulnerabilities. And I think that was an amazing experience for me. And I believe that that's what's inspired me to do the work that I do right now.
21:30
And that's why I'm asking about that specifically, because I was reading your story about the steeg, while the shame that you had us being a divorce See, mostly man, which is only margin what you had to be through because it has influenced exactly what you're doing now and the focus of your work. So that's why I wanted to bring that element into our conversation, as well. Yeah,
22:05
yeah, no, I definitely felt i'd failed. I definitely i'd failed myself, I'd feel the marriage, I'd feel my children, I'd fail the community. I mean, what a heavyweight to kind of bear that you fail everybody else, right. And therefore, it became very stressful as a period of time for me that I'd failed everybody. But really, I'd failed myself, first and foremost, failed myself, because I didn't do the things I should have done. I didn't, it didn't take care of myself the way I should have taken care of myself, you know, and I mean, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, I should have taken care of myself. So, you know, if I'm good than everybody else around me, will be good. But if I'm weak, then you know, I'm the weakest link then. And I think that was the most that was the thing that really was a discovery for me that all this time I believe that I had been focusing on the wrong things, not that those things didn't need focus, but the emphasis on those things were misplaced. proportionally, it should have been more towards myself. You know, I always give this description of you know, the analogy that you know, when you're on an aeroplane, and they take you through the what happens in emergency. They say that if you have a child, make sure you put the mask on yourself first, and then your child why because if you're good, you can save a child but if you put on your child and you pass out then that's it. So it was case that for me, I realised that I had I had to I needed to in the future, put the mask on myself first.
23:48
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25:43
Well, for me, I think I was in that period for many years.
25:46
The downward period human, the downward period,
25:49
yes. But I was in denial. Again, I was in denial, I was very, very emotional. Besides, I'm a very sensitive person. I'm an introvert. Therefore, I don't share much with other people. And, you know, it was downward for many years. And the, I'd say that the peak of it was when I had to leave home. And I left home. begrudgingly, and I didn't want to leave home. And and I had to, and it was a very, it was very emotionally taxing for me.
26:28
The upward trajectory. So that's what I was, I was asking you how long did that take? I know that the other one you said it was? Yeah. 14 years I think he was using. And I know that I can also relate to that. Because I have been in it took me less than 14 years but took me much more than I wanted to anyway, show. So I was asking about the the upwards trajectory.
26:55
I should as a foreigner, it took me four months. Wow. Yeah, took me four months. So I think I did well, four years, I think I did well, I think I was able to hear the right things from the right people. And do the actions that I needed to do to make sure I was self validating. See, now came a time when I was validating myself, I didn't need anyone else to validate me. And I think that's the difference for me, personally, is when you go from being in need, okay, to fulfilling your own needs. Because you have that strength now. And I think I personally think that was a short period of time, relatively speaking.
27:44
I was expecting to hear about begin number two tell you the truth, when you said four months I was impressed with is, it's actually great to have an indication of how quickly one can turn their life around. If you said, that phrase that it might take years and years before you make the decision. But when you make the decision is a moment, then it it's it changes when it is a true decision, a concrete decision. I wanted to ask you, and bring the conversation to the present now about the work that you do. Now, as a coach, obviously, you have been influenced very much by your own personal story. But tell me about the people that you help. And all that focus on the Muslim community mainly, or I don't know if it is exclusively but please share. What is it that you do now or say, resort or a consequence, I would say for this
28:47
path? Well, well, my passion ag is to help men believe in themselves again. And I say again, because I believe that we all believed in ourselves when we were younger, or before things happened to us. So whilst my unique focus at the moment is Muslim men, you know, I can work with any man. In fact, very soon I will be working with all men. And the reason I focus on men is because I don't want to focus on work that I don't have experience of. So my work is going to be helping men to rekindle their relationship. Because I believe that there are some things that you can do as a man that can rekindle that relationship that you're struggling with. And, and I've worked with quite a few men right now and you know, sometimes it only takes one hour. right for them to realise, oh my god, I have so many great things in my relationship right now. And it was the way I framed my relationship was a problem. So it was my own. I was self sabotaging. I basically said everything that I felt was wrong. With a relationship, but it was the way I saw the relationship, it wasn't the actual fact of the relationship being, you know, you know, in a desperate situation. So what I do is I help men to look back into themselves as to, you know, what do they need to awaken the inner man. And that's where that comes from, because I believe that my inner man, you know, wasn't, it was suppressed, right? He had so many things that he needed to do and to express and to feel like himself, but he didn't know who he really was. So through my own work, now, I realise that I can be who I want to be, right without feeling a sense of weakness. So I've always been brought up to think that a quiet person, or placid person, or a simple person is a weak person. But I've never been anything besides that. Okay. But I realised afterwards that actually everything I have there my superpower, yes, these are my strengths. You know, I don't have to be harsh, I don't have to be angry, I don't have to be, you know, loud. You know, I can be myself I can become, and you know, you and I kind of resonate on this, you know, like, like I, you know, said to you that what I recognise in you, and you said is what I have in me, you know, so I recognise wisdom. You know, I recognise, being careful with one's words. You know, being congruent, you know, saying what you do, or doing what you say, as well. And I think that's a source of strength. So we're all unique, is a matter of you know, Cooley said that, you know, I am not who you think I am, I am not who I think I am. I am who you think I think I am. And, and, you know, that was profound. I first heard that, that, you know, I've, over these years, I've tried to create a persona, which are perceived other people wanted me to be Yeah, and I thought What a pathetic state that was, you know, all this time, I kind of I am a shy, placid introvert person. And I tried to be someone who was a little bit more bold, a bit loud. So even when I do, I, in my past life, I deliver training courses, and you know, I speak like this. But without, without a microphone, you can hardly hear me. So, in the training, while they say raise your voice, raise your voice, and every time I raise my voice, I feel that I'm not being authentic to myself. Yes. And I focus more, you resonate with that, right? And I focus more on the the pitch and the volume rather than the content. You know, so So yeah, I kind of help men to be themselves again, and not pretend to be like anyone else, like an influence or like a famous person or their next door, neighbour, it's not about that. Right? You are your own superhero. This, let's look at those inner traits that you have as your own hero, and let's look at you know, maturing them or crystallising them a little bit more. So you when you come out, you're just this amazing, you know, individual, unique person.
33:28
Indeed, I think that you mentioned it that our uniqueness of authenticity, what makes us who we are, is our superpower and trying to fit in, which is what we have been nor many people, if not most people have been conditioned to fit in and you mentioned the word persona of who you think that the others might like, which I believe most people can really relate to that. Some have managed to get out of that. And that I believe is one of the biggest freedoms one can acquire when they cease to pay attention or I would say cease to care about what others think of them because that's who I am. So if I'm if I have my integrity and operate on my own morals and principles, and I believe them to be right, then some people will like it, some people will not like it. And if they don't like it, that's none of my Yeah, and I
34:33
agree with that as well that you you will find your tribe. Those people that resonate with you will be you know, your tribe and that's brilliant because you want people around you that share energy with you. Because you know, the sharing of energy, that synergy. Yeah, that synergy comes when you have those common commonalities, right with it with others and that becomes an amazing space. You know, when you share that space with other people
35:00
And that will link back to something you said earlier, which I think it's important to mention what you were saying about the trades that we share in common. And I will share with the listeners how that I have met you during will Paul stones event, unlock your potential. So I think I feel that it's relevant in some way to how we got to know each other through when and you mentioned the word, tribe, which it kind of blends everything together. So I just wanted to give that a special mention. And there is a question that I wanted to ask you from the moment you said it earlier on. So you mentioned with your coaching work that you help men believe in themselves again, and to rekindle the relationship. My question is, what is the relationship of the one and the other? How would how they are related? A man's believe in themselves and their their relationship with their spouse or their partner?
36:11
Hmm, very good question. I actually believe that, not unless I become not unless I believe in myself, how am I going to believe in this relationship with with someone else, because what might happen is that I might put myself down, I might come up with this negative self talk about who I am, or who I am not. Right, and my inability to do something, or my lack of capacity to do something. So for me, it's about the man awakening his unique traits, understanding his values, what he needs as a man. Okay, and then when he becomes a walkin, right? When he goes to that relationship, he goes to relationship with a view of giving the best version of himself to that person. And my wife and I, you know, Victoria blesser, she's in the US at the moment. And the way we met was amazing, sort of, came to our personal power. And I and I found my soulmate, actually. And it was only because she saw me dressed, looking confident, right, saying amazing things online. And therefore we say that, you know, when you start to raise your energy, and you vibrate a certain level, only those people can see you. Yes, otherwise, when you're down here, the person will see because it won't resonate. So this, this thing that when I start to resonate higher, is going to be something that I bring into, and give the relationship. And so we have this understanding between ourselves that we say that it's like the infinity symbol, that when I give, it will come back. When I give the best of myself, I will get the best of you back to me. And, and we enter this and we believe this in our relationship that, you know, the rising tide lifts all boats, though, when I build myself up, it's gonna build us up. Okay? And conversely, you know, if I don't look after myself, obviously, it's gonna have an effect on the relationship. So I believe that when the man you know, awakens, the man within and starts to look after his mind body is so you know, his emotions, and build himself back up again. Right? The woman's gonna love him. You think, Wow, we're an amazing guy. He's the best guy on this earth. Right? He's got, he's got EQ, right, he's intelligent, I can have a conversation with him. You know, my wife, and I have TED Talks, regular TED Talk. So we'll sit and we'll discuss a subject and the other 1520 minutes, 30 minutes, I'm well aware, because we stimulate each other in that way. But I've only got to that point, it's because I've worked on myself. Otherwise, I would have been a boring person.
39:12
That's that's one thing that I completely agree. And I realised at some point in my journey, about personal development, that it does involve you as a person, but it's not for you because it benefits everyone else around you. And in the grander scheme of things, I think it benefits the very universe or the everything that is related your contribution to everything. And in that sense, a duty to become to fulfil your potential, whatever that means for for every person.
39:52
Well, I see I see two domains, okay. And I see one domain as the experience that I have in life. The experience I have in life, and what I will leave from life. One is in wood. And the second one, the last one is outwards. So the experience I have in life is, is, you know, the people I come across, you know, the places I travel to the experiences, I have the things I have as possessions, so the experiences in life, but what I leave from life is my legacy is is linked to my purpose now. And, you know, I was I had a conversation with my 14 year old daughter yesterday, and we were talking about values. And, you know, I kind of did this quick elicitation, you know, just over a cup of coffee. And she was really amazed. And we, she said that, you know, one of her values is contribution, and I can explore that a bit further. She says she likes to help people, you know, volunteer, and this and that. And I said, Look, my mother used to be contribution. But I realised it wasn't just given it was about legacy. It was more neph me it was about leaving an imprint, or leaving, like the old cliche, you know, leave the world in a better place, and he found it. So what I leave from my life, I'd like to think that it's going to be, so I have this thing I'm working on right now is that, and my days are now occupied like this. If today was one day, my life, it was a one day only time capsule that my great great great great grandchildren could have access to what would they see my day? And would they be inspired by my day? Oh, they think this is like some ordinary guy. But when I have that thought, in my mind that my great, great, great grandchildren have this one day only, I've got to make this day count. And I always say it's like, you know, using the metaphor of a freshly baked loaf of bread. Right? So you know, it comes out of the oven, and it's fresh in there, we're almost there. And it breaks up nicely. And you can eat it and it just tastes heavenly, right? Yes, this piece will be a bit stale. So in comparison, you won't have it. Tomorrow's piece hasn't been made yet. So the love, the freshly baked loaf is like the day to day, I have to take all of its, you know, benefits, you know, have to eat, right? And I have to make sure that I'm mindful of the experience I'm having. And I made sure that you know, I use it well. And that for me is like the time capsule. So today's bread, or Today's memory that I'm going to hold for my future generations has to be something really memorable. You know, has to be really amazing. So what I do now is I think about my day, and I'm very intentional about why am I doing this? Do I need to be doing this? What will what will this be in terms of my legacy tomorrow? Yeah. And what will people think of you and I'm thinking about other people, but I think it's important to kind of frame things of what I do, the experiences I have in life, you know, and what I leave from life, and having that balance between the two
43:15
were totally interconnected. And these, you know, some people choose not to see that. But that doesn't mean that it's not. Right. And actually there was, it's a bit off topic, but I wanted to comment on that because you you mentioned the word soulmate earlier. So my question is, how do you know?
43:41
I think the first thing is that you need to be very awoken yourself. I think that's the most important thing and a walk in, in the sense that you do not need any external validation. Yeah. Will Smith says something like, you know, I need to be whole and loving and complete. And so do you. So when we come together, we don't come together to take from you know, I'm hold your whole. And I think when it comes to soulmates, that when you're when you've done the inner work yourself, and you have confidence, and you don't need external validation, and you are mind, body and spirit, you know, working on yourself, we're all working progress, he never finishes. But we were cognizant of the fact that we need to continuously improve ourselves, we have to evolve every single day, right and become better and better and better. I think when you're at that stage, in your life, you know, self actualization, like Maslow talks about. I think when you're at that stage, you will automatically see someone else who is also doing the same work and then this is Amazing energy that you will feel. And you know, when it's there. You just know when it's there. And my wife and I speak about this in terms of it's a fine dance. Right? So when you're having conversations, when you're looking into each other's eyes, when you're just sitting and having a meal, it feels peaceful. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. I don't have to wear a mask. I don't have to say certain words to make you feel good, because you're already confident, right? I'm just being in the moment. And I'm enjoying your company, and you're enjoying my company. There's, there isn't a need as such. But there's a fine balance between the two because we, we know we're in this safe place with each other. So I think that's my loose definition of what a soulmate is, and, and I think we all know those people in our lives that we don't have, we can be ourselves. I think that's meant that we can be ourselves with some.
46:08
Thank you that that was a beautiful answer. Thank you for sharing it like that. There are, there are many things that we'll have discussed and I'm sure they could easily go for another hour with with more things. Let me start bringing this conversation to a close look at my little so let me ask you some quickfire questions as I always do with my quest. So first one is what does personal development mean to you?
46:47
They mean life. For me, it means that you begin to live life, but live life on your own terms.
47:00
And if you could go back in time, and let's say you are able to meet the 18 year old, Taf and you can offer him one piece of advice, what would that be?
47:13
I'd say to him find Aggie wherever he is, I guess. Yeah, because he'll be a good sounding board for you. And I think it's really important for for, for people to have someone who was a mirror to them. Because I think that synergy that's created you know, Steven COVID talks about you know, synergy when when you know, it's the synergy really helps you to self identify, but also feel safe for somebody as well.
47:49
Thank you. And one more hypothetical question then Taf - if you could wave a magic wand and change something in the world as it is today what would you change?
47:59
Oh my god, you know, I had I would I would love for for people to love themselves. And when I say love, I mean to care for themselves. Because what what saddens me Aggie and, and I think probably this one, this is one of my drivers is that I went when I go into the supermarket now and I see the woman who's been working there for 20 years. And she's trying to earn a living. But yeah, I can see she's sad. I just wish those types of people could have happiness in their lives. You know, so my, my real. The best thing for me would be that everybody would be happy that there'd be no sadness.
48:57
Yeah, I think it would be a completely different humanity, if everyone was because if everyone was happy that for me means that everyone is really following their core link. And that brings the internal joy and fulfilment and happiness so that that would be a completely different quality and I can hope and wish that somehow, amidst what's going on, we will end up in in a better version of the world rather than a much worse dystopic version. And that way, I know we talked about lots of different things today. Is there anything that you were hoping we will discuss today and we're completely missed
49:50
Agi you're an amazing host and you literally have drawn out the best of me and what I believed to be the philosophy of of life for me as well, actually. So I have come to that point or the juncture in life where I believe I've got to be in the world to experience something from it. But I've also got to take something and pay it forward as well. So I know you brought out pretty well actually.
50:21
Thank you. So emerging from this conversation, I want to ask you them to speak to the listener, let's assume just for this part of our conversation that the listener is is a man who very much relate to what you said. So what's one actionable item that you can give him and I'm making it very specific in this situation, what's one actionable item you can give to a man that wants to step away from the money may be the situation that they're in, but I will, I will leave that I don't want to be too prescriptive. So please know
51:03
what I'd say to to, in fact, anyone listening, I would say that, do something that you know, breathe life into you. Whatever that is, do something for yourself. Do something for yourself that breathe life into whatever it is, and you will see a physiological shift, even at a molecular level as well. And I think that's the greatest gift that we all can have is to have this real shift within ourselves when we do things when we're in our element. And I think we don't do enough so my my kind of closing words will be the just do more of that. You know, and try to fit those things in everyday
51:59
then I think this for me, this message has been coming across or between the words or underneath the surface of what you have been saying for the last hour that this look after yourself and don't feel guilty or ashamed you have to be I mean, regardless of what anyone thinks we are the most important person in our life. No one else's is not our wife is not our mom is not our son. So you and I think that message came across very clearly. So thank you, thank you for that. And tell me how can people connect with you and find out more about what you do?
52:41
Sure. I mean, the best thing would be if they go onto my website, which is tougher sell coaching. So it's Tango, alpha Foxtrot, alpha Zulu alpha Lima coaching one word.com. And currently, there's a free downloadable workbook as well on just, you know, identifying specific actions and having SMART goals. So the plenty of worksheets there is free of charge. So they can go there and start planning, whatever they want to do. So if it's fitness that could end up starting to, you know, identify a very simple step, go in that direction.
53:19
That's awesome. I will put that in the show notes. Taf I want to thank you very much for I was looking forward to this conversation. And it is that it exceeded my expectations. I really enjoyed it. There were so many things that I hope that the listener found valuable. So I want to wish you all the very best with your mission of empowering 1 million people and I hope it's even more than that.
53:48
Thank you so much, again, been a brilliant host actually.
53:51
Thank you very much any last parting words up but apart from that, thank you.
53:55
No, thank you very much for having me on here. It's been a pleasure and I just hope that you know, it has been awesome value to people.
54:07
I hope you enjoyed listening. If you have please share this episode with someone who you think will benefit from it. If you want to know more about what I do, visit my website Agikeramidas.com. And until next time, stand out. don't fit in
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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