#182 F*ck being fine, rediscovering your purpose, and gratitude meditation, with Lori Saitz.

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Episode Transcript

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0:02  
Welcome to the personal development mastery podcast. I am Agi Keramidas and my mission is to inspire you to grow, stand out and take action towards the next level of your life. I interview leaders, authors, successful entrepreneurs, spiritual teachers, exceptional people who will inspire you to improve your life Kulin for two episodes each week, and make sure you subscribe to get them as soon as they are released. In today's show, I am delighted to speak with Lori Saitz. Lori, you are an award winning writer, speaker and broadcaster and an expert in using gratitude and meditation to manifest goals faster. You are the CEO of Zen rabbit and host of the podcast findings, the four letter word, the most difficult thing you've ever done is leave your 22 year marriage and experience which inspired you to help and guide other generation access to a place of passion, clarity and peace. Your mission is to lead those in their 40s and 50s to rediscover their purpose and get back to a place of liking themselves and their lives again, Laurie, welcome to Personal Development mastery. It's a real joy to speak with you today.

1:27  
Thank you, thank you so much for having me.

1:30  
And I'm very excited and looking forward to it and actually want to ask to start Laurie with some elements of your story. Actually, I want you to take us back to that time. That's a very difficult decision that changed your life, supposing two different parts of it. So take us back and paint a picture for for us. Yeah, it was well known.

1:58  
Well, you know it the seven years ago, I was in the process of closing my first business. And at the same time, my mom was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukaemia, and she passed away about seven weeks later, seven, eight weeks not it was very quick. And that experience kind of put me in a place where I was thinking about, okay, it'll reevaluating my life and where I was in it. And while I was going through that grieving process for both my business and my mother, I started thinking, Okay, do I want to live the next 20 years the same way I lived the last 20? I'm not saying that the the last 20 had been terrible. They hadn't they were fine. And did I want to continue on that path of fine, or was there something more for me, and my soul was telling me that there was something more and to reach that more was going to require me to do something to do some things that I had never done before. And to take scary steps. I mean, that's how you move off of fine is you have to find the courage to do the thing that you know you need to do. But you don't really want to, because you know, it's gonna be uncomfortable, you know, it's gonna hurt, you know, it's not going to be fun. But that's the only way you get to the joy on the other side. And so after. So it wasn't immediate, it was several few years after that. I went to my husband inside this relationship is not working for either one of us. And he knew it too. So, you know, it's better if we go our separate ways. And so that was a really hard conversation. And, yeah, I mean, that's, that's what I had to do. I had to take that leap.

4:02  
You said it was a few years between? Was there a tipping point in those seven years that made you decide that now I'm going to do it?

4:11  
So it was about so that was three years ago? So is four years after? No, you know, it was kind of there was a lot going on and cleaning up the stuff from my mom and he was supportive. Like we were he's a great person. We're both great people. We're just not good together anymore. So there was to that support. i We both still kind of needed it. He was close to my mother too. To kind of move, you know, get past that. And then actually in that time, his mother passed away as well. So we Yeah, so it wasn't immediate. We needed each other support in that process.

4:54  
Okay, sure. Let's then move on, on the after the decision and after so was an initial period that was very uncharted territory. Tell, tell me about it. What do you how, what did you do different? What did you do next?

5:09  
Yeah, so I decided that I wasn't going to just move out of the house, I was going to move across the country. So I, I moved from Virginia to California, all the way across the United States, about as far away as you can get. And that was, that was, in part because I had friends out there, I had lived out there before. And so I was moving to someplace that I had some friends so that I wasn't completely alone, I wasn't picking somewhere random that I didn't know anyone. And also, it allowed me space, obviously, the mental and psychological space, but also the physical space, to see everything from a different perspective. And that's why I chose to do that I only stayed out there for a year. And then I came back to Virginia, because this is where I consider home. But yeah, that moving out. So I had been with in that relationship with my husband for more of my adult life. Well, more of my entire life than I had been without him. So yeah, so that was hard. It's, you know, living on your own. And that, you know, learning to be an individual, as opposed to a part of a couple.

6:29  
Yeah. Did you know, did you have much idea of what it is that you wanted to do? Off? Now it's because you said that, you know, you didn't want the next the 20 years of your life to be like the previous ones. So that's what I'm asking whether Can you show? How would you like those 20 years to be like, because there isn't a masking that is I think many people can relate to that this fine, as you said, Love that on the outside, it feels like it's fine. It's a very, it's a very this description, we can talk about this a bit later. But on the inside, there is some I would say my very mild level said discomfort. Yeah, is more than that. It is something burning something not feeling right, which we tend to ignore, we tend to resist because maybe it's what you said it's comfortable on the other side and risky. But people can relate to that. However, the uncertainty of what, how would they would like things to be many times tension in the way of them actually pursuing that. And that's why I'm asking from your story. How did that connect? Or how if it helped you with, you know what you wanted to do? Or move into that direction? Yeah,

7:59  
I didn't know exactly what I was looking for. There wasn't anything specific. It wasn't like, Okay, I know, I'm going this is where I'm going. All I knew was that I felt like I had been compromising who I was. And certainly in any relationship there is compromise between two people or whatever, but it's not a matter of it's compromising who you are on the inside. That's the part that isn't okay. And so I didn't know what exactly it was I was leaving for. But it was to find something that just my soul felt like it needed something more than what it was getting, or what I was finding in that situation. And I needed to just get to get get to a different place to even be able to explore it. Because yeah, you don't know, necessarily you just have that feeling like you're saying that feeling of yearning. And leaving is is uncomfortable because being stuck in fine is you know, I liken it to being under a warm blanket on a cold day. You don't want to get out it's comfortable here. But you know that that's not what you're, you're were put on this earth for. There's more and so until you step off, or step out or uncover the blanket that's when your that's when you start the exploration process. That's just the first step.

9:39  
I like that very much that you said they use the word exploration because I think it is exactly right. Sometimes some and I will hold my hand up because I used to be like that I was expecting to find my my purpose in intellectual So think about if I think about it very, very hard, I will find it like somewhere in my mind. And it was only when I discovered that exploring different things is the only way to discover what it is that your purpose is by trying things that you that attract you. Curiosity is a word that comes to mind that yeah, that child is curiosity that the childlike curiosity, you know, when what is the scent, excites you? And then through that, I believe, we go towards finding our purpose. If I don't know if the word find this right at all, when it is.

10:45  
Exactly. I hear this from people a lot. They want to find their purpose as if they're going to open their front door, and it's going to show up on the doorstep like a package delivery from Amazon. And that's not how it works. It's exactly what you were just saying it's a matter of exploration of of inspired action. I like to talk about where you pay attention to what's drawing your attention, and take a step in that direction and explore see, is that interesting to me? Do I want to take another step further? Do I want to take another step? And if it's not taking a turn in the other direction and looking at what's there, Martin Luther King had a quote about, you don't have to see the whole staircase. You just have to take the next step.

11:39  
Yeah, I think he said that take the first step in faith. So yes, faith. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, I agree completely with you. Loaded. One other thing I want to discuss with you about purpose is I saw where were you in your description, what you do with your clients is to help them use the word rediscover their purpose. And I find this a very interesting words, Rediscover because it implies that it's, it used to be there in some way. So tell me about this. Yeah.

12:17  
Well, children don't look around wondering what their purpose is. They just live Yes. And, and most of the time, they're living with joy. So I look at people a lot of us have, you know, 2535 years ago, when we were first graduating from university or starting our way out in the world, as young adults we had, we felt like we had a purpose, or we felt like we had some direction, we were excited. Even if we didn't know where we were going, we were excited to go on the journey. And now we're at this point where we look back and we go, how did the past 30 years, like, it seems like a couple years ago, what happened? And how did I get here. And it's because we got so caught up in, in some people raising children, I didn't do that. But raising children or pursuing a career, or basically just living by distraction. And so now, it's a matter of pain of not allowing those distractions, coming back to what is my own truth that I know inside of me getting quiet enough to hear it, and coming back into it. So that's where I call it the rediscovering because at some point, you were listening to your inner truth. Even if it was all the way back when you were a five year old child somewhere. You were listening to that inner truth. And now it's a matter of coming back and hearing it again and rediscovering and I will say at the same time, purpose can change throughout your life. So it's not necessarily rediscovering the same purpose that you had 30 years ago, but it's rediscovering what is my purpose now?

14:14  
It certainly does and can saints and it's not something very fixed. And that's what I've been also trying to reiterate from my side, from what you say. One, when did you start wanting to hear you say that you got inspired to start helping others with that were going through a similar situation. So what was what triggered that? What made you want to help others with that?

14:42  
Well, I've always been somebody who's a teacher and a coach in that capacity. You know, as a child, I wanted to be a teacher but a teacher at back then it was like I was saw myself standing in front of a classroom of children because that was the only role model I had but but I think that is actually my true purpose is as a teacher and a healer and somebody to hear to help enlighten and inspire others. But it wasn't right away, you know, again, I had to kind of find the path. And the pandemic is really what triggered my finding this path. Because like a lot of us, I was stuck inside, I didn't have a lot of, you know, we didn't have the distractions we used to have. And my intuition. And insight got ramped up really high, because I was spending more time in quiet space. And it was the one how to put it the one of the main factors was iced, I was having a text conversation with my cousin. And she was asking about, or struggling with the question of what is my purpose now because her oldest child was graduating from college, and he didn't need her anymore in the same way that he did as a child. So she was questioning this, and I'm having similar conversations with a lot of my friends who are at this age where their children are leaving home, to go out on their own. And people are asking themselves, so what is my purpose now? And that's really what triggered it, that conversation and other conversations with other friends colleagues. And I started thinking, Alright, well, I've been on this path. Let me share what I've learned, and help others you know, you get to a certain point on the ladder, and you want to turn around and help somebody else up.

16:48  
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18:19  
One of the I'm trying to find the right word to use one of the let's say pillars of what you teach and help others with is gratitude. And that's something I certainly want to discuss every day. It's such a huge topic. But let's talk a little bit about gratitude and how it can transform your life. So give me a brief overview, first of all, and then we can we'll see where to go from them.

18:52  
Yeah, gratitude is one of my favourite topics to talk about. So I didn't mention but I mentioned that my as my first business I was making and selling a product called the gratitude cookie. So I had been talking about gratitude, specifically gratitude for business back then. But I have been talking about the importance of gratitude for a long time. And I just find it such it's such an integral part of joy and satisfaction in life. And so many people and myself included when I first started that business that was the irony is I wasn't a very grateful person. I was very focused on what I didn't have, what wasn't working, what I could complain about that day. And it was actually one of my mentors, a friend and mentor who said, hey, you need to read the chapter chapter seven in the Science of Getting Rich, the book The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D wattles. It's on gratitude, and he challenged me to read it every day for 30 days. Once in the morning and once at night, and I did that. And nothing spectacular happened at the end of the 30 days. But it was a few months later, when I noticed that I was in a situation that normally I would have gone into a rant, been angry. But instead, I went immediately to gratitude. So, the point being that even when you're not, if you're not born naturally grateful that you can become more grateful, and that finding gratitude in every situation is what brings you more, more, more of everything, all the good stuff, you know, more joy, more satisfaction, more happiness, if you think about it, would you rather be an angry, critical, negative person, which a lot of people are stuck in that place, I don't know that they want to be there, but they don't know how to not be there. And how to not be there is to go to gratitude and to look for, like, you have to actively look for the gratitude in every situation, because it does exist. Even if at first glance, it doesn't seem like it. There's always some place you can pull out gratitude.

21:20  
Is there any tool and I will use the term loosely, but you know what I mean, that one can use to increase this ability to actively look for gratitude. Because I'm asking that, I'm sure that you have seen it yourself that on an angry person, like you've described someone who is like that, it might be difficult to, to actually sweets at that point, and become grateful or see the something the elements that he could be he or she could be grateful about show any practical, practical, anyone can do to increase their gratitude. Well, and

22:06  
that's what my mentor Paul was doing with me when having me read that chapter, every day for 30 days. So that was 60 times I read that. And so I would recommend doing that, you know, that book is available. It's, you can get it for free online finding, yeah, find a PDF of the science of getting rich. The other things, the other two things that I recommend is meditation. I mean, I'm talking about meditation all the time, about getting into meditation, because it allows you to quiet all the thoughts in your head, not, I don't want to go. So a lot of times people have trouble with meditation because they can't quiet the thoughts in their head. That's why it's called a practice. And that's a whole other discussion we can get into but but it does allow you to go in and, and kind of take take a moment to quiet down a little bit. And journaling is another way to just journaling down your thoughts of even the angry thoughts, the negative thoughts, this is what happened today, kind of keeping track of so that you can see how you're thinking and then maybe you can go in and pull out and say okay, all of that happened. Interesting. One of the very practical exercises that I do with my clients is we all criticise and complain like even when you're a super grateful person, you still catch yourself doing it right? So here's the thing when you catch yourself complaining add on to the end of that complaint but I'm grateful for and there's a specific reason for using the word but because but negates everything that came before it. So normally you'd say you don't want to use that word but in this case you actually do so but I'm grateful for and if you can catch yourself and even if you can't catch yourself while you're doing it, if you're journaling later you can see it and do it then and so, you keep catching yourself keep catching yourself and then it becomes almost like second nature.

24:27  
Thank you these are very useful in practical actionable and certainly they they they require anything that you do that changes you requires effort and consistency in practice. There is no magic button that you can present you are grateful the next day but so

24:50  
I wish there was there is not.

24:53  
So this techniques certainly help all these tools. If you want Again, I'm not sure if these words are appropriate, but his lack of other words, they work. Tell me about gratitude and meditation, then in combination is there some specific kinds of meditations that promotes gratitude or any kind of meditation.

25:19  
You know, I think any kind of meditation helps your brainwaves. Because what you want to do is get your brain into when we're awake and talking like now our brain is in beta brainwaves, and alpha is a little bit slower. And theta is even slower. It's like when you're sleeping. And so what you want to do is get your brainwaves into a I don't know what to call it, a more coherent state. Just it just calms, everything calms your nervous system, calms your heart, and getting yourself into that place of gratitude. So any kind of meditation that can do that, I'm all for it. I don't prescribe any one kind of meditation or another because everybody's different. So I always say what works for you. Some people want to do a walking meditation, great do that you want to sit down, do that you want to lie down, go ahead, whatever works for you. Gratitude is the highest vibration you can get into. So when we're talking about energy, everything is energy. We are all made of energy. And so anger and frustration are those lower vibrations, they don't feel good, your body doesn't feel good, you don't feel good. When you're in those places. A lot of people stay there because again, it's, it's, I wanna say comfortable. It's familiar, familiar, gratitude is way up there at the top. So if you can get yourself into a state of gratitude, that's when you are in more ease and flow. Which is, you know, I was thinking about this somebody I was talking to last week, we're talking about the definition of success. And it came to me actually, this morning, when I was in a meditation, that my definition of success has to do with ease and flow. What I mean, that just sounds nice, who doesn't want to be in ease and flow? And gratitude is the the vibration that gets you there. So

27:45  
I was thinking what you said about success and the definition and that's so different to its individualism. It's the moment one actually thinks about it, because so many times the word is just put out there without. Anyway, I will, I will leave that it's just it's just an interesting observation. There was one other thing I wanted to ask you about meditation, I noticed that you, you offer the custom created meditation. So I want you to tell me about, you know what advantage and meditation it's his custom limit for you can have over you know, listening to an app or something different.

28:28  
Yeah, I love the apps. I'm a big fan of Insight Timer. Personally, I use it all the time. The customised I touched on this a little bit earlier was a lot of times people struggle with what I call puppy mind. So if you imagine a puppy, the energy of a puppy is jumping and running all over the place. And that's what people's thoughts do. And so they, they have, they struggle with quieting their mind because their thoughts are constantly running through their head. So one of the things that creating the customised meditations does is helps with puppy mind, because what I'm doing with the customised meditations, is I'm taking your memories and experiences of things that have happened in the past and in the in your current life that you are grateful for. And I'm putting them into the meditation so that I can get you into a state of gratitude, of feeling gratitude, as you're visualising these things that have already happened. And then, taking you from that state into now feeling gratitude and visualising those things that you are manifesting or your goals. Some people don't like the word manifest as to woo, but achieving your goals is the same thing, whatever you prefer. So taking you into visualising those things as if they have already happened and feeling gratitude for them as if they have already happened. Now you are magnetising them to you, you are increasing the energy, the positive energy going out to them. And it's like setting a GPS for your brain. So that's how the goals tend to happen faster, because you'll start seeing coincidences, puzzle pieces falling into place synchronicities, like things are happening out of nowhere, but it's not nowhere, because you have been visualising this. And when you can get yourself again into that place of feeling gratitude for it as if it has already happened. Like in what we were talking about earlier about the enacting in faith. That's what these meditations are doing. So yes, meditating to an app. Like I said, I do it all the time. It's great. It's so many positive benefits to the customised meditations. Take it one step further, because you're actually working with your own memories, experiences and, and goals, manifestations.

31:12  
I can imagine that way, when you started describing it, I can imagine how powerful it would be if I listen to the voice, the guiding voice tells me about something that I'm already grateful for not a general thing, something personal. So it exactly sounds like a very powerful technique.

31:33  
They are powerful.

31:38  
I will change the gears if it Laurie and it because it will that we touched upon it a bit earlier, when we started saying about fine. And I want to bring back this conversation to that element of the fine and how fine is not really fine it. And I know that this, this term has inspired you actually to create your programme and what you then your podcast. So tell me a bit about the fine OS as a word. And again, I'm saying I've changed gears, but it's something that I wanted to discuss a bit more in our conversation.

32:17  
Yeah, you know, I think we reach a place where we are going along and everything's fine, it's fine. We don't even necessarily realise that we're not happy. Or we do reach a point where we're not happy. A lot of my, a lot of my listeners, a lot of my clients are at this place where they, they look around themselves, and they look at their life, and everything's fine. Everything from the outside actually looks pretty good. And they're not happy. And then they start questioning what's wrong with me? Why can't I be happy with all of this, look at what I have, how am I not happy. And again, it comes back to the soul is not being fulfilled. It's, it's, it's longing for something more. And that's where they reached the point where they say, I can't, I can't do find anymore. So I named my coaching programme is called the fuck being buying experience because you very powerfully reach a place where like, I am just done. I'm done with this. And it's until you reach that place, you're not ready to move. You have to reach a place where you're just at the you're at the end of the line. And that doesn't necessarily mean you're you know, ready to jump in front of a train. Let's not say that. But you just finally reach a place in your in your life where you're like, I'm not, I'm not satisfied. And I'm not going to put up with this one more day.

34:02  
And I don't know. I'm sure you were going to tell me why did you choose to use the word fuck, fuck been fine. But for me, it doesn't make sense because it implies that I've had it. I can't take this anymore. I'm deciding that fine is not good enough for me. And it creates an emotional intensity in the seriousness in the phrase that this is for Al so I don't know if these were relevant to the reasons why you chose it. I think it's it's a powerful word when it's used in a context of emphasising that this decision is for real, that's how I say it anyway.

34:45  
Yes, that is exactly it, because that is not a word that I throw around all the time. There are people who use you know, and I have no problem. You speak however you want to speak, but it's not a word I typically would use and I used it exactly for that, for that reason, because it is very emphatic. And you use the word decision. Yes, you have reached a place where you have decided now, because everything hinges on a decision, you can change your life in like that with one decision.

35:22  
Absolutely. One other question about your programme? Who is it for Laurie who Who do you work with?

35:32  
Yeah, I originally started the programme and started my podcast for Gen X women and Gen X is. So women in their 40s and 50s. Because Gen X never knows they're like, am I Gen X? I know, I know, typical of the generation really, we don't know who we are,

35:51  
I can really.

35:55  
So but what I found was that my podcast listeners are actually from both genders, all genders, whatever you want to say. And different generations. So I know I have people who are in their 30s who are listening and, and getting value out of it. So the programme was initially just for women in their 40s and 50s. And now it's expanded because I've had men come to me and say, hey, my life is fine, too. And I'm not okay with that. So it's, it's, it's expanded a little bit. But it is, I would say still primarily for people in their 40s and 50s, who are at this place where they are, they do have some life experience, they have reached a place where parents are passing away, kids are growing up and moving out of the house on the end to live on their own, and they are now at a place of reevaluating. What is it I want going forward? For my life now in this new season of life?

37:01  
I like how you say three months. That is that phrase? Oh, and remember, the 40s? Are the the old age of youth. And the 50s are the youth of old age. So I find it very boy. I like that. A lot I am I will start. It's really enjoyable. talking to y'all start wrapping things up and ask you some quick fire questions. Sure. And the one I always ask first is what does personal development mean to you?

37:39  
Personal Development is an ongoing journey of discovering who you are at your core, who, who you are and who you could be who you are meant to be who you know, what is it your soul is here to do? And just constantly talking about and reading and discovering. It's yeah, it's that process of discovery. Discovery of the soul, let's call it

38:06  
I like how you went 11 layers deeper. And then another one. That's brilliant. And let me ask you, if you could go back in time and meet your 18 year old self? What's one piece of advice you would give her? Hmm,

38:26  
good one, I was very quiet, shy, younger person. And I think that had to do with not feeling confident. So it would be a matter of step into who you are without paying so much attention to what other people are thinking or saying because they're not paying attention to you. So feel feel more comfortable in your own skin sooner.

38:55  
That's so true. So true. We think about the others, just looking at what we do, but they have their own things going on. One more a hypothetical question then Laurie, if you could wave a magic wand and change something in the world as it is today? What would you change?

39:15  
Something we talked about in our before we started recording, which was that more people that the entire world that every single person in the world would understand how to operate from a higher vibrational place to understand to come from a place of gratitude and love because we just changed so many things about how our world functions if more people were operating at this higher higher level and that that's not a it's not a put down of anybody. It's a it's an energetic coming from a higher energetic place.

39:57  
Yeah, yeah, there is a It's not about hierarchy that this is higher, and this is lower, but what you were saying earlier, and correct me if I'm wrong, that gratitude is certainly on a higher level than anger. And I think I would I don't know if someone would really disagree with and they say no, it's not. So I think in such a sense, that's how I get it.

40:23  
Yeah, interacting with each other on a more on a higher energetic level.

40:30  
And, Laurie, I'm always very big on given to the listener, something actionable. And I know we mentioned earlier you said about journaling, and meditation and so on. But if you were to recap, or give one actionable item that the listener came to Tonight, or tomorrow morning to, you know, improve, what would you say?

40:56  
Yeah, I would go back to that, but but I'm grateful for statement tribe, you know, work with that for the next three to five to eight days. And even if you're not meditating, give yourself some space, five minutes, three minutes, even. Just sit and breathe, and connect to your heart. So can you sit for three minutes and take some deep breaths. And imagine that you're breathing through your heart and through your heart space, because that's going to give your your heart and your brain coherence connects them together. And it just calms your entire nervous system? And gives you that peace, sense of peace and calm that so many people are searching for? You can get it in three minutes by doing that.

41:54  
Absolutely brilliant. How can people connect with you, Laura, and find out more about you?

42:00  
Yeah, my company is called Zen rabbit. So my website is Zen rabbit.com. And I'm also on social media, on LinkedIn, especially, and on Instagram, are my two places I'm spending quite a bit of time these days. So

42:20  
that's awesome. Lord, I want to thank you very much, we went to quite a few directions. And there were some things that I it's always and I'm going to do a small digression here. It's the last that it's always a challenge, when there are many interesting topics to try and compress them into a specific amount of time. And because I don't want to go too shallow on many topics. And on the other hand, I don't want to go really, really deep on only one topic when there are other fascinating ones as well. So it's, it's a fine balance and the I suppose, as a podcaster yourself, you can relate to that completely. And it's been a real pleasure to speak with you. Thank you very much for sharing your wisdom with with us today. I want to wish you all the very best. Any last parting words?

43:22  
Thank you so much for having me. You asked some really interesting questions. So I appreciate that you drew out some of this information that I know your listeners will find value from.

43:38  
I hope you enjoyed listening. If you have please share this episode with someone who you think will benefit from it. If you want to know more about what I do, visit my website AGIKERAMIDAS.COM

43:54  
 And until next time, stand out don't fit in!

Transcribed by https://otter.ai