#304 A five-minute morning routine to improve your mental health and how to find hope & healing, with Linda Bjork.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

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Please note that while an effort is made to provide an accurate transcription, errors and omissions may be present. No part of this transcription can be referenced or reproduced without permission.

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Linda Bjork  0:00  
I have a five minute morning routine it is. It's mm WW music movement words and water. And I'll explain quickly what to do. And then I'll explain why it works.

Agi Keramidas  0:16  
You're listening to personal development mastery podcast helping you take the simple actions to master personal development and create the life you gain for. I am your host, Agi Keramidas. And my mission is simple to inspire you to take action towards a purposeful and fulfilling life. In this podcast, I invite myself inside the minds of remarkable entrepreneurs, authors, thought leaders, spiritual teachers. So if you're ready to find practical insights that you can implement right now, make sure you follow the podcast and get the episodes as soon as they are released. Today's episode is about finding hope and healing, avoiding rock bottom and a five minute morning routine to improve your mental health. The episode is packed with actions you can take to improve your mental well being. Let's dive right in. Today, I'm delighted to speak with Linda Bjork. Linda, you are a personal development expert advocate for hope and healing, a best selling author speaker podcast host and founder of hope for healing nonprofit charity, your passion personal mission is to empower people to become their best selves. Linda, welcome to the show. I'm delighted to speak with you today.

Linda Bjork  1:44  
Oh, thank you. I am so happy to be here.

Agi Keramidas  1:47  
I'm so looking forward to this. And today Linda will talk about being happier and healthier. And also about hope. Before we go into that, give us a key defining moment in your life's journey that is particularly relevant to this conversation.

Linda Bjork  2:10  
Excellent. And is it okay if I include more than one because for me, and doing what I do, and helping people to become happier, and helping people to also discover their own self worth, which is part of what makes us happy. It my journey included really two parts, and I call it being broken and being crushed. So I was raised by a wonderful parents and a wonderful family. But when I was about six years old, my mother experienced an emotional trauma in her life that affected her deeply. Now if I were an adult, I should look at her with compassion and say, Wow, you are going through something hard. But I was a child. And I didn't understand anything. All I saw was that my mother no longer loved me. She did not notice me. She turned me off. There was a brick wall between us. And I thought it was entirely my fault. It had to be a something was wrong with me. I had done something bad something so awful. I broke my mom. And so feeling that there were such feelings of guilt, and worthlessness. And I am unlovable, and there's nothing that I can do that makes me so that I have any value. And that kind of underlying brokenness carried me throughout my entire life. Just that feeling of I am not good enough, there is something wrong with me. And I couldn't really, I wouldn't have really recognised the depths of how much that affected me. But really, everything that I felt about myself went back to that time. However, you can function when you're broken. I mean, people do it all the time. You just keep going, you keep moving, you grow up, you deal with life and things happen. And then as an adult, I had a series of just awful circumstances that just crushed me. They were beyond my ability to bear. And at that time, I wasn't just broken. I was crushed. And it was very much like I had fallen into a deep dark pit of despair. And and there were no windows and there were no doors in this

Agi Keramidas  4:30  
Donald will lie with time, Linda,

Linda Bjork  4:33  
I was in my 40s and at this time, I slipped into depression. And it did not. There was no happiness. There was no hope there was no anything. But I was really good at masking. And to tell you the truth. I had had a lifelong experience of masking because there is what some people call the imposter syndrome. That from the time I was very, very young. I thought if anybody knew the truth about me you But now that I'm unlovable that I'm broken, that there's something wrong with me, I did something horrible, I broke my mom. So all of these things, so I was, I was pretty good at masking. So when the Depression hit, I was pretty good at masking that too. And almost no one knew. And I was in this dark place for about five years. And then my sister, she happened to she was at that time training to become a life coach. And she was creating this women's retreat. And she said, Hey, do you want to come, I'm preparing this wonderful retreat, where we're going to, for three days talk about how to be happy and how to live fulfilled? And I thought, no, absolutely not. I was struggling with social anxiety, I didn't think I could handle being around other people day and night. And besides, I was stuck in a dark hole with no windows and no doors. And there was no way out. And I knew that there was nothing she could say that would make any difference. So why bother. And so even though I felt that way, the idea would not leave my head. And so I gathered my courage together. And I went, and that decision changed my life. Because it is as if my sister lowered a ladder down into my deep, dark hole. And she showed me a way to climb out when I didn't think that there was one. And the beautiful, amazing thing about this experience, is not only was I able to heal my being crushed with depression, but also to be able to heal that life, long brokenness, and those misunderstandings that I had carried through my entire life. And I have learned so many things about healing, that it's it's not instant. I mean, it it was, it's not like flipping on a light switch. It's like a sunrise, or it's gradual. And being in that dark place, it wasn't like she put an elevator shaft in there for me, and I could press a button. And instantly I was all better. It was a ladder, it took effort, and it took some time. And it was hard. But there was a way to climb out. And because of the experiences that I have been through, it is now my passion to offer a ladder to anyone who feels trapped in a dark place. And to offer that hope that healing is possible. Because when you're in that space of darkness and hopelessness, you don't do anything, because like I felt nothing makes any difference. So why try? You have to have that hope in order to be able to take the first step.

Agi Keramidas  7:54  
Thank you for this fascinating answer. And story, though, the way you described it. And there is one question I would like to understand want to ask you, you said at that time when you were in that depression, and your sister offered you the opportunity to go to the rat retreat that you didn't want to go. So you had a big internal battle? What was the decisive factor that made you decide that? Okay, I'm moving, I'm going to go up what was? Was there something that made you overcome all the the thoughts that didn't want you to go there?

Linda Bjork  8:41  
I can't say it made me overcome all of the thoughts, but you're kind of a mind reader, you recognise that there was a missing piece in that story. I had a phone call with my sister. And I explained to her I said, I, I think I'd like to go. But I'm scared. Because I'm not in a good place. And I'm afraid I'm going to fall apart. And, and then I explained a little bit about what was going on. Because remember, I was good at masking. My sister had absolutely no idea. And even after I told her, she really didn't understand the depths of where I was. And in that conversation, she did two very simple things. She said, Really, I had no idea. You you hide it so well and almost looks like you're so put together. I didn't know. But I understand. Because I felt that way to where people thought I had it all together when really, I was struggling inside. And then she said, You don't have to come and you don't have to come from me. This is about people who want to come and to be happy. It's not about me. And in that simple conversation. She did two very empowering things for me. One Is that she did not condemn me. And she did not make me feel like I was bad or broken. Instead, she said, Oh, I felt that way too. And in that simple thing, I thought, really, does that mean that maybe you won't judge me, but you can understand where I'm coming from. And that helped me feel safe. And the other thing she did is she gave me permission to say, No, she did not try to force me or fix me or anything like that. It was an invitation. And that was exactly what I needed. Even though I didn't know it until she said it, I needed to know that I was going have my own free will and choice. And it has to be our choice. Healing cannot come from the outside, we have to choose it. And if you don't mind, I have another little acronym about hope. Because all every journey to healing begins with hope. And I like to say it's H O P E, the H stands for hunger, and hunger is a desire. Now you think well, of course, everyone who has miserable desires to be happy. And that's sort of true. We also have a strong desire to stay the same. And it's not until we reach a tipping point of where we want to change more than we want to stay the same, that we're willing to do something. And so when that desire reaches that strong point of hunger, then we're ready to move forward. The O stands for being open. When I was struggling with depression and anxiety, oh, my gosh, I was just tight, tight, tight, like a little Armadillo rolled up in a ball. And the reason they do that is to protect themselves. And that's exactly what I was doing. I was in a place of survival. But you can't heal there. It's not until we relax, and open up a little bit and allow that healing to take place, we also have to be open to change. And we have to be open to allowing someone to help us and allowing ourselves to learn and to change, no one can heal without their consent. And that's very important to understand whether you're the person who's struggling, or whether you are a loved one of a person who is struggling, you cannot heal without your consent. The P stands for positive expectancy. And positive expectancy means we are expecting a positive outcome. And until we feel like something good can come out of it, we're not going to put any effort into it. And that again, matters very much like when I was stuck in the dark holes, I Why bother because nothing works, we have to be able to allow that positive expectancy, that something good can happen. And then something good will happen. And the E stands for empowerment. When we're struggling with depression, or anxiety, or low self esteem or victim mentality or any of these things, we feel powerless, like we are just at the whim and the mercy of anything that just takes place all the circumstances in our lives, we have to get our power back that we have the power to be happy that we have the power to have the kind of life that we want to live. And the power comes from a combination of learning and doing. And that's where everything comes together. Where we have our power is learning and doing. And it's very important that it has both aspects because we're not going to do anything if we don't know what to do. And if we just know it, but don't do it. It's not self help it shelf help. And if it's useless.

Agi Keramidas  13:57  
Yes to know not to do is really not to know. There is you said earlier about that missing puzzle piece of the puzzle in your story that I asked about and what I got initially out of your answer was that important thing was that you actually share with someone else what was going on inside you. And I think it's a really important step for someone that might be in a dark place and is hiding or masking it as you say to you know, share it just it really I think it leaves a big big burden. One thing and of course it opens the possibilities for someone to be able to help otherwise just keeping it inside your shed five years and wow I don't think that's that uncommon. This kind of quiet desperation or maybe not so quiet sometimes. I liked very much what you're actually Any move of hope. And I did have a few questions with two or three of those. Oh, absolutely. So the first one is the hanger you said about someone really need, it has to have the desire to go over a tipping point that you your desire to change is more than your desire to stay the same. So how does someone who wants to change however, they haven't reached that tipping point, yet they know they want to change. But you know that the constable bit or the familiar with is still more prominent? Is there a way for them to tip that scale with some kind of active method rather than waiting for, you know, desperation to change?

Linda Bjork  15:52  
Isn't that wonderful? Isn't it wonderful that we don't have to hit rock bottom? For many of us, we do have to hit rock bottom before we actually make that change. But it's not required for anyone. And I loved how you said in your example that someone wants it. They're comfortable where they are, but they want it. If you're if you want it enough to learn and do it is enough. We don't have to hit rock bottom. And and when we talk about what we can do, and try to make it as simple and as easy as possible, then you think, Oh, well, I could do that. And that is my goal is to make action steps that are so simple, and so easy. That you think, Oh, well, I could do that. So if we want to help people get to that tipping point where they're willing to do rather than be continue and misery. I am all in? Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, please. Let's do it before we hit that rock bottom.

Agi Keramidas  17:00  
Any practical thing that one can do to avoid hitting rock bottom? Because you said that some people or many people don't have to hit rock bottom. But that leaves me with your questions. Which person is the we know which category we are. So if we really want to avoid it some kind of practical thing to you know, to have more desire to change before we hit?

Linda Bjork  17:26  
Yes, yes, yes, please. So by trying to make the small and simple action steps as easy and pleasant as possible, I would love to give an example. I have a five minute morning routine it is. It's m m w d w music movement, words and water. And I'll explain quickly what to do. And then I'll explain why it works. And when you find out how easy this is and how effective it is, with all my heart and soul, I hope to help people tip that scale into Oh, I can do that. So for this five minutes mm WW music movement or it's and water while you do pick a song, something that you love that you love. Something that makes you want to sing something that makes you want to dance something that makes you feel good. This is your timer. So most songs are between three and four minutes long. While you're listening to the song, we're going to do the next n which is movement, random move our body. We can either do standard traditional exercises, your jump up jumping jacks, sit ups, that kind of thing. Or you can do yoga stretches you can do shadowboxing, you can do Tai Chi you can do whatever you love. My favourite is just to dance. And if you don't necessarily want to move your body, you can also just move your mouth by singing along. But whichever way we move, moving our body moving our mouth, we are going to be interacting with that music. When the song is done, the M's are done time to do the w's the first W words, grab a pen, a piece of paper, write five things that you're grateful for. The last w is to grab a bottle of water and drink it whole thing you're done in five minutes. So now let's talk about why this makes a difference. Let's go back to the first m which is music. Research shows that music is one of the most powerful tools that we have to affect the way that we feel. And not only does it do that, but also research shows that our brainwaves tend to synchronise somewhat to the beat of the music. And we can use this in a couple of different ways. If I'm feeling super, super stressed and I am upset, if I choose to listen to calming, relaxing music, it can literally help my brainwaves to calm down so that I can think clearly and help me to be able to relax. Now if I'm struggling with motivation, let's say I have depression, I don't want to get up. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to do anything. And then if we listen to positive, upbeat music, it can literally help jumpstart our brains into action and help us to be able to get up off that couch and to be able to move and to be able to do and to be able to handle the day. Now, listening to music by itself is incredibly powerful. But when you interact, when you move with it, it takes it to a whole new level. By moving our bodies, it helps to change the chemistry in our bodies, it helps to reduce the level of cortisol, that stress hormone. And it helps to increase the level of endorphins, those feel good chemicals, so that we just feel better and have a better day. It also helps us to relax muscle tension, it helps us to be able to elevate our energy so that we can take care of whatever needs to be done. It is amazing. And what's really incredible is in addition to exercise, which does all these amazing things, just singing does incredible things. There has been so much research done on the effects of singing and our emotions the way that we feel. And it actually has some of the same benefits that exercise does. For example, it helps to relax muscle tension, it helps to lower cortisol levels, it helps to increase the endorphins. And those feel good chemicals so that we feel better. And research shows connection between singing and the levels of improvement in depression and anxiety. And my favourite study that took a group of people struggling with depression, anxiety, they've separated them into two groups, we have our control group, don't change a thing, just keep doing what you're doing. And then for the other group, they said, Alright, the only change we want you to make is to sing every day. 30 days later, they came back to check. And the control group, they were exactly the same as they were before. But the study group who had added singing to their daily routine had significantly lower levels of depression and anxiety. And the only thing that they changed was singing, which is so amazing, because it's not that hard. So we've gone through the MMS, we have music, we have movement, whether we move our bodies, whether we move our mouth, or whether you do both. Now you get into the words of gratitude. Now, I had heard of gratitude journals before and I had even done them before I struggled with depression. But I thought you know, when you have real problems, it's time for some real solutions. Don't Don't give me some fluffy, ethereal nonsense. I'm really struggling here. But what's cool is the research shows that gratitude does incredible things for the way that we feel. They've done fMRI scanners and tested and found that being in a state of gratitude helps to stimulate the prefrontal cortex area, which is where our conscious thought and decision making take place. So it helps us to be able to act rather than to react when situations come into our lives, which is so important. It also helps to improve the neuroplasticity of the brain, which is so incredible that is absolutely necessary for any kind of healing. Any kind of a change in any kind of adapting, it helps us to be able to adapt to change.

Agi Keramidas  23:15  
I want to take a short break from this episode and quickly let you know about something I'm sure you will find useful. We are drowning in information but starving in wisdom. This podcast for example, has almost 300 episodes and as you can imagine there is ample wisdom in them. But who has the time to listen to 300 podcasts. My mission as a knowledge broker is to convert this vastness of knowledge and distil it into wisdom into implementable insights. So I have created a free special resource for you. I have chosen the top 10 podcast episodes that offer the greatest value in three main categories of life. First, the top 10 episodes about money. Second, the top 10 episodes about health. And third, the top 10 episodes on mastering your personal development. This free ebook is a curated catalogue of those top 10 podcast episodes in its category that will offer you the greatest value and in the shortest time to get it go to personal development mastery. podcast.com/top 10 and you will also find the link in the show notes. Alright, let's get back to the episode. Before you move on, I want to something to clarify. So between words writing words of gratitude and being in a state of gratitude, you know, they're not necessarily very easily connected. So many people just write a gratitude journal, but they don't necessarily are in a state of gratitude. So it becomes more of like a mechanical thing. So what is your approach to Someone who is having trouble with that?

Linda Bjork  25:03  
Oh, man, you ask good questions. And I would say we have to start somewhere. Right. So if we start looking for things, the purpose of a gratitude journal is to help us look for things to help us to focus on something that is positive. If you're not feeling it, but you're writing it, let's start there, we have to start somewhere. Now, I can't force your brain. But here's the thing. Once we start opening our mind to looking for the good, then all of a sudden, you see more good and more good happens, because where the focus goes, the energy flows. And here's something else cool about gratitude. There have been many studies done on gratitude and depression. And my favourite study, they took a group of people struggling with severe depression, and had them write, there was three good things that had happened to them that day. And then 15 days later, they came back to check to see if it made any difference. And 94% of participants had a noticeable improvement in the way that they felt. So sometimes, even if we're not feeling it, if we begin with the action, the feelings will come. And I think that's a good place to start, we have to start somewhere. Now the last w is water. And water is one of those cheap, easy overlooked, underutilised solutions, our brains are about 73% water. And research shows that if we are as little as 1%, dehydrated, it begins to negatively impact brain function and mood. And so as we stay hydrated, it helps our brain to be able to function. Every system in our body requires water. And so if we don't drink enough water, things don't work properly, and we don't feel good. And there's such a strong connection between our mental, emotional and physical well being that you can't impact one without impacting the other. And the wonderful thing about this is that when we understand how one influences the other, it gives us more power. So our emotions are chemical, they're chemical, it has a very physiological reason why we feel the way that we do. So this body chemistry affects our emotions, it affects the way that we feel, and those emotions and the way that we feel that very much affects what we do, say and think. Now, here's the cool part. What we do, say and think affects our body chemistry. And that is the magic that is our point of power. And out of those three do say and think the easiest one to control is what we do. Now, when if you're talking to someone in depression and say, okay, look, if you just start thinking happy thoughts is going to change your body chemistry and everything is going to fix itself. That is a true statement, but almost a useless statement. Because it's almost impossible to just change and just say, Oh, well, I choose to be happy. And that added up. However, even when we're struggling with the feelings, I can still do something. And when I do something that begins to change the body chemistry, and then the body chemistry begins to affect my emotions, and then the emotions now the next cycle, it's a little bit easier to do something. And fact, I might be able to get some of those thoughts and some of those words to go along with those positive actions. And pretty soon, this cycle is going to get easier and easier. So it is not hard to feel good. It is normal and natural. And everyday.

Agi Keramidas  28:59  
Thank you for this answered. And I will just reiterate actually two or three points that I've made from all these that you said about the this morning routine. The one is what you said about gratitude that if you all you do is right and you don't feel it, but start there, that's a great step to take and the more you do it, the more it advances it. I like it as as a point of you know, progression pro it's about moving on not about doing it perfectly as an exercise but doing it there was you know, the the elements of the morning routine you described are for me anyway, quite familiar, except one of them which was the music. So, you know movement, water gratitude journaling, all these things are More or less established, I think in morning routine, but the way you describe the music and Asik complementary element to dancing or moving your body or something like that, I really, I took that I will take that on board, actually, and I am just reiterating it as a point that made an impression on me because it was something, let's say, a new ones that I hadn't thought about in such a way. And the third, and I think that's really, and I also, personally believe that it's a cornerstone on improving your life, in any sense, short form, in this case, we're talking about getting out of the dark place of depression and becoming happier. What I think it applies to every personal development, you know, goal or intention, and that is small and simple action steps, that's where it all starts, do them with consistency, and then momentum kicks in, then it happens, but it doesn't happen just by thinking of it, just visualising it, or you have to do it. So I'm just reiterating Linda, and thank you very much for this multifaceted answer that you gave that, I think gave to the listener some elements to think about and implement, really, because that's the important thing. And we were talking about that before we started recording. And I think there have been a lot in this conversation I just reiterated right now three that made an impression from that. Linda, I will start wrapping this fascinating conversation up. And the first thing I want to ask is, where do you where do you direct the listener that wants to find out more about you,

Linda Bjork  32:09  
I would love them to come visit the hope for healing website. That is my nonprofit, and the website is hope for healing foundation.org. And we have so many free resources. We have audio courses, we have ebooks, we have video courses, we have downloadables, because it is this learning and doing learning and doing with these small simple action steps come learn how you can be happy, I want people to have hope. And I want them to have healing. And I want people to recognise that it's easier than you think. And that you have more power than you realise. And we can do something about our happiness. Oh, you can also listen to my

Agi Keramidas  32:52  
podcast. I was about to do a podcast and

Linda Bjork  32:56  
Linda's corner. Who is it for?

Agi Keramidas  32:59  
Who is the listener that really work needs to after they finished with this episode to go and listen to that. And who is that person?

Linda Bjork  33:11  
That person is anyone who wants to be happier, healthier, and more successful.

Agi Keramidas  33:16  
Thank you, Linda, a couple of quickfire questions as well, which I always ask to wrap things up. And the first one is What does personal development mean to you?

Linda Bjork  33:29  
To me, it means becoming our best selves. And that includes a few steps. One is we have to kind of discover who we are, what are our strengths? What are my weaknesses? What do I like? What do I want? For me personally, for a long time, I didn't think that what I wanted mattered. So I'd really didn't even pay attention to what I wanted. And so it's been a process to discover, oh, what do I want. And as we learn a little bit more about ourselves and this self discovery, this is our starting point. And it's necessary to have a starting point. But it doesn't mean it's your endpoint. From there, then we get to discover, oh, what do I want to be? Because we have the power to become what we want to be. And that matters. So to me, it is that beautiful, beautiful journey, and it is quite individually tailored. It is me my best self. And what I am going to be this is going to be a little different than what you're going to be and what someone else and isn't that wonderful because I think the variety creates such a beautiful harmony of humanity.

Agi Keramidas  34:46  
Thank you. And hypothetical one if you could go back in time and meet the 18 year old Linda, what's one piece of advice you would give her?

Linda Bjork  34:58  
Oh, first of all, I wouldn't really Like her to understand that she matters, that she has value, and that she is lovable. And then next thing I would really like her to understand is that she has the power to create her life and that she is not just a victim of circumstance.

Agi Keramidas  35:14  
That's beautiful advice. Thank you for sharing that not only with the 18 year old him, but with with all of us. Later, I want to thank you very much for a truly fascinating and I believe, full of value and actionable points conversation, I want to wish you all the very best with your mission. And I will leave it to you for your last parting words.

Linda Bjork  35:42  
I invite everyone to join with me and making the world a better place by working on the only person that you truly have the power to change. And that is yourself.

Agi Keramidas  35:54  
Thank you for listening and I hope you got valuable insights from today's episode. For your free ebook with the top 10 podcast episodes that offer the greatest value in three main categories of life. Go to personaldevelopmentmasterypodcast.com/top 10

Until next time, stand out don't fit in!