#334 How to become fearless, deconstruct the narratives in your head, and rediscover your humanity, with Colin Kingsmill.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION

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Colin Kingsmill  0:00  
You know, it was kind of a spiritual awakening actually - that might sound a little woowoo for some of your audience, but I just literally woke up one day, I had this, this moment of realisation that everything I had done for 15 years, was not serving me, not feeding me not nourishing me not nourishing my soul.

Agi Keramidas  0:25  
Welcome to the personal development mastery podcast, empowering you with the simple, consistent actions needed to master yourself and create a life of purpose and fulfilment. I'm your host Agi Keramidas. And my mission is simple to inspire you to take action towards a fulfilling life. In this podcast, I invite myself inside the minds of remarkable people and I distil their wisdom for you. So if you're ready to find practical insights that you can implement right now, make sure you follow the podcast and get the episodes as soon as they are released. 

Agi Keramidas  1:03  
Speaking of insights, would you like a free copy of my first book "88 actionable insights for life"? Just over a year ago, I started writing a book based on the conversations with these remarkable people ahead doing this podcast. I am thrilled that the book is now finished and you as my listener can get it exclusively before the official book loans and for free, go to AGIKERAMIDAS.COM/88. And coming to today's episode, if you would like to become fearless, deconstruct the narratives in your head and rediscover your humanity. Then the following conversation with my guest, Colin Kingsmill is for you. Let's dive right in!

Agi Keramidas  1:57  
Today I'm delighted to speak with Colin Kingsmill calling, you are an entrepreneur and coach, after the first part of your career in Swiss banking for a decade co founding an investment firm and having ticked all the boxes of success. In 2001, you gave everything you owned the way Buddha style, and moved back to Canada to start fresh. You are now an expert in helping people fearlessly pivot and make meaningful shifts in their lives when they find themselves at a daunting personal or professional intersection. Your mission is to help people rediscover their humanity be fearless and free calling welcome to Personal Development mastery. It's a joy to have you here with me today.

Colin Kingsmill  2:45  
Oh, thank you. It's great to be here, too. Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Agi Keramidas  2:48  
I'm looking forward to this conversation calling and we will explore today becoming fearless and rediscovering your humanity. Before we go there, can you share a bit more about that pivotal moment in 2001 when you decided to give everything away and start fresh? So what what inspired you to such a radical life change?

Colin Kingsmill  3:12  
Um, do you know it was kind of a spiritual awakening? Actually, that might sound a little woowoo for some of your audience, but I just literally woke up one day, it was April 6 2001 It was a Friday I had this Yeah, I don't know how else you would describe it. I just had this. This moment of realisation that everything I had done for 15 years was not serving me not feeding me not nourishing me not nourishing my soul. So everything that I wanted to do when I was a young adult or when I was in university, you know, nice cars nice house nice wife nice this nice that trip all the the quote unquote markers of success. I had achieved all of those. And I was just the most miserable, unhappy, probably unfriendly person you could imagine. And that Friday that weekend, I realised that the destination that I had been trying to get to and trying to achieve and trying to have was empty, there was nothing there. And the fact that I had all that stuff and had all those experiences that left me you know depressed and full of anxiety and unhappy and unfulfilled you know, the on everything right, just on on on. Um, I just said to myself, I've Got to I've got to shed this the these this cloak, I've got to remove the mask, I've got to, I've got to start again, basically. So it was, you know, many people in life get hit by something that will stop them in their tracks, right, whether it's medical or whether it's mental or whatever, right? Divorce. I mean, there's there's many variations of the theme that I had. But I certainly got stopped in my tracks. And something told me that I needed to start over. And that's what I did. So I gave everything away. I gave mountains of Italian clothing to my colleagues that were going to stay in banking I gave, you know, Cartier watches to my cleaning lady, I wish you I'd love to hear from her again. I can't remember. I can't remember. But I gave stuff I gave everything away. And it was really liberating. You know, it, it was like, it was like, wow, this is just such a relief. You know that I don't need all that stuff. And I decided to move back to somewhere at the time anyway, that I thought was healthy, and close to nature, and close to old friends. So I moved on moved back to Vancouver after 10 or 12 years in Europe. I'm good. For some I did it again.

Agi Keramidas  6:32  
That that Friday that you said you had that spiritual awakening? Yeah. What was? Was there something happening? Something in particular? Were you doing something in particular? I mean, did you happen during meditation during math or

Colin Kingsmill  6:48  
work? I actually did. And I don't I actually did something called rebirthing. Okay. And rebirthing look, I was so not into all of this stuff. I had no idea I didn't know about yoga. I didn't know about meditation. I didn't know about spirituality. I didn't know about mindfulness, nothing, okay. But friends of mine dragged me to these things like Reiki classes, and they're like, You're too stressed out, man, you're gonna have a heart attack, you're gonna die. And you're 32 years old, or 35, or whatever I was right. And they took me to this rebirthing session. And which is designed to regulate your breath, right? And obviously, today, breathwork has become much more mainstream, but at the time, it wasn't. And I'm like, oh, regulate your breath. What are you talking about? I'm like, I breathe just fine. And I had a I had something that they call it a past life regression. So it was designed as a breathwork exercise. And it turned into past life regression. I saw all of these lives. I was in them, I had no idea how to explain it. So I went to my psychiatrist, who also happened to be a historian of Buddhist, a military jet fighter, and a psychiatrist. So he had this really well rounded education, I guess, an experience. And he said, Well, look you that the thing that you're describing, that's between Morocco and Algeria, and the other thing you're describing that's in Turkey, and the other thing you're describing that's in southern Italy, it's not in England. So I came out of that. And I was like, oh, okay, so I don't have to prove anything to anybody in this lifetime. I know that sounds probably totally weird. But up until that age, I was trying to prove something to everybody. Right. And I think a lot of people get get into that trap of having to prove something to somebody. And I know where I know where my I know that where that origin story came from. I know how I got there. I want it to be the antithesis of what I was when I grew up. So I did the antithesis and proving something to everybody except myself maybe of who I was and what it was and what it could be and why you want it why you needed to love me and, you know, that whole healing that whole core wound of unworthiness, right. So that was really the trigger event. Which I don't I don't often go into but but it was this. You know, here's this Swiss banker dude who had never done anything metaphysical. And all of a sudden it's like, oh, wow, Hold on. Wait. I have I have more time. You know, actually came out of that going. I have more time. So stop brushing Basically, that makes sense.

Agi Keramidas  10:04  
It doesn't, you know, those three gear events like the ones that you described, I enjoy hearing them, because I think they happen to many. And they really have the power to shift their life in, they can be on different experiences, shoulder different settings. So that's why I'm I'm always intrigued to find out about the, you know, that transition mode, that tipping point that things turned around. And there were two things that I highlighted from what you said in the story. And the one was that you said that you don't you realise that you don't have to prove anything to anyone. And I think I can resonate with it. With that, and I think many listening now can, at least to some level, resonates, that maybe they have not admitted it to themselves that this is a driver or the main driver behind what they're doing. But I think so I'm letting this sink in for a moment. That's why I'm repeating it for someone listening to maybe concede this, whether trying to prove something is a motivator behind their actions.

Colin Kingsmill  11:26  
Oh, yeah, maybe? I mean, yes. Right. Like I so in the subsequent years, I've been doing a lot of coaching, right. And, and so many people make choices all day long, from morning until night, based on that core wound of unworthiness, and that need to prove something to somebody else. So, so I think it's, it's good that you stop and reflect on that one point, because it's kind of critical to everything that's going on in the world today. You know, people are living, as adults, as parents, as entrepreneurs, as employees, as employers, and everything they do, is seen through that lens of, of having to prove something right. So my, my sort of mission these days is, tell me what would happen if we took those lenses away, right? The the capacity through which you see life, what would happen or what could happen. If you were free. From those stories, from those narratives from those beliefs. It's pretty, it's, it's pretty amazing to think of the possibilities, the unlimited possibilities for all of your listeners, if they removed those lenses, of unworthiness, through which they see their lives, and through which they make decisions all day long. So that's my not my challenge. That's my mission really.

Agi Keramidas  13:30  
If you're enjoying this episode, you will find great value and implementable tools in my book 88 actionable insights for life. As my listener, you can get the book for free and exclusively before each official public launch. Go to agikeramidas.com/88 for your free copy. And now let's get back to the episode. 

Agi Keramidas  13:52  
Colin, thank you for this answer. And actually, let's move into that because this you mentioned the narratives, or beliefs of unworthiness. You use the friend the term unworthiness in my mind, the term that came to my mind was not good enough, which is basically the same thing. And in a way I think it's obvious to most people listening right now, how that could be beneficial. But the My question is the next following step. How can one go about starting to deconstruct this narratives? This because you say imagine if those lenses were taking off, but I'm sure that you you know very well, that it that is easily said than done these lenses most of the times are completely invisible to the people who are wear them. So how does one start to this process of deconstructing them

Colin Kingsmill  15:03  
That's a good question. And I don't think they're I don't think there's a one size fits. All right? I have, you know, in the in the book that I'm writing, I have, like, seven or eight steps, right about a boat because becoming fearless, right? And becoming fearless is really shedding those stories and shedding those narratives. But it's got to be a proactive process. Okay. Now, whether it's my eight steps, or whether it's somebody else's, I don't think it matters. But it's got to be a proactive process of almost self protection. Right. So the first thing that I say is turn off the news, right, turn off, turn, and turn off all toxicity that's coming into your life. Right? That could be food, that could be family, that could be that could be relationships, that could be a job, that could be any number of things that are adding toxicity to your thought process, right. And the the one, the reason I say turn off the news as the kind of the top line is, that's a product, right? And it's a product to keep you engaged, and to sell advertising, right. But that's not informing you. And that's not helping you. So my first step is turn off the news, right? The second step to me is start to listen to yourself. And I think you kind of hinted on this before, that our body is always sending us messages. Right? Now, the mind may be saying something else, like, oh, push through this, and oh, yeah, you mentioned it before, but entrepreneurs are no assigned to somebody else earlier, but you know, entrepreneurs or founders pushing themselves and pushing themselves and pushing themselves without self care, right? So you've got to listen to yourself, you've got to listen to your body, you've got to listen to the messages that it's sending you. My next step, if you want is is is? How do I say this? Design a picture of the life that you want? The life that you really want? Right? I think so often. I think so often, we're conned to believe that we are not the designers. We're not the architects of our life, right? We're not responsible for our thoughts. We're not responsible for the stories or the ideas that come into our heads. Well, we are, right. So own it. But but but design what you want, right? And then then once you've designed the, and I've got my my vision boards over here, I've got like, like, you just you design it, right? So design what you want, and then you break it down into a series of goals that you can actually achieve, right? Because it's so easy to have the motivational poster on the wall, right? Right. And then you just look at it or I don't know, you want a Ferrari or you want to put on whatever you want to write, you got that on the wall? That's not enough. You have to you have to break it down into a strategy of how do I get to that destination? Right? I use I use sailing a lot as as a metaphor, right? Like, if you don't put the coordinates in to where do you want your sailboat to go? Then you're just bouncing along on the open sea and on the waves, right? So design the life you want. Put the coordinates in your GPS, right? Take the steps along the way to get there. Okay, babies, you know, and Mel Robbins did a really good episode on her podcast recently about about goal setting and that the latest research are on goal setting. So so once you've got the destination, once you've plotted your course and you've plotted all the steps along the way did decide what are the daily rituals to keep you on track to keep you accountable. Okay, because so often, it's so easy to wake up in the morning and turn on the news, turn on Twitter, turn on porn, whatever you're doing, right as a quote unquote coping mechanism or as a starter to your day to change them, right. What are the daily rituals that are going to help you stay on track? Whether it's meditation or yoga or mindfulness or whatever, doesn't matter. But, but but but Have those have those and do them and and, and stop self self self self sabotaging basically. Now, then the, the the last step or the second last step is forget, forget about what others think. And that's why I say live in integrity, right? Um, you know, so often we are we are bound bound up by what we think other people are going to think and do, but that's just restrictive. That's not, that's not getting your creative energies going. That's not expressing who you really are. And if you don't express who you really are, that internalises into dis ease. And that might be mental disease or other other other forms. And there's lots of research around this. I'm not being sort of crazy and woohoo. And then the last point for me to answer your questions, forget about forget, forget about everything you've learned. And what I mean by that is, don't forget about everything. That will be a tough start to the day. But forget about what forget about the conditioning. That is no longer serving you. Right. And that goes back to your storytelling, right. So the forget about forget about everything you've learned is forget about forget, I think is forget about the conditioning that is no longer serving you today. And what what are the beliefs that you are perpetuating or telling yourself or repeating to yourself? Again, old stories, right? It happens we all we all we all tell ourselves stories all day long, right? How many? How many thoughts? Do we have a day? Auggie? 70,000 1000? Something

Agi Keramidas  21:55  
like that? Yes. Yeah,

Colin Kingsmill  21:57  
yeah. Right. So if 69 are those 69,000? Are those are negative stories that aren't serving you? Stop telling them or stop listening? Tell new ones. So did I actually I don't know to answer your question.

Agi Keramidas  22:17  
Yes, you did, you actually gave in these few minutes a quite a comprehensive step by step method. And I will reiterate a little bit in my own words, how I understood, said, so you said the first to start course started listening to to yourself to your body messages. And that is, I completely agree it's so important because the body or and I will digress here and say that the body is very much connected to our essence or our spirit, it is what our Spirit uses in a way to communicate all this tension. So start listening to them. And then you said about setting the goals. And when you're saying about sailing and setting the GPS, you reminded me of that phrase that says if you don't know where you're going, you will end up exactly there. So it's really important to really write it down in detail. I mean, I have some kind of I use the phrase north star or like a guiding light and that's broken down in different categories in life, you know, emotional or material or personal development or all these things. And then you said about deciding the daily rituals that you need to implement or the ones that you need to delete or, or change or improve, I think the word improve also is important.

Colin Kingsmill  23:55  
What you know why? Because, and I say I say, decide on your daily rituals to keep your personal protection barrier around you. Right. So once you've turned off the news, and you've eliminated toxicity, you've got to have those daily rituals, because we are living in a toxic society. We are bombarded left right and centre, you just have to walk out the front door of your house and we you are bombarded with messaging. All day long, that is going to that is going to try and deviate you from your North Star. Right? Yeah. So so the the daily practice the daily rituals, whatever, again, whatever they are for you are kind of important. They're not the kind of important they're fundamental to protect yourself from what is going on in a very hyper novel society that our human biology is not accustomed to yet. So that's why I think those are so important, right? Absolutely. Absolutely, it's not just like, oh, go do yoga? It's no, you're doing this for a purpose.

Agi Keramidas  25:05  
Right? Yeah. And for its for its person, that would be different. It's not like one on one recipe I say sometimes that if there was one particular recipe or action or solution to everyone's problems, then we wouldn't know it by now. But it's, it's of us has an individual path, individual challenges and individual steps that they need to take. So yes, your answer was, I will have very comprehensive in this short amount of time. Thank you for that. There is one other thing you say calling and that is, you mentioned it earlier on the beginning of the conversation, and that was rediscovering your humanity. So I want to ask you, first of all, how do you mean that? And second, how does that connect with what we're talking about? What we have been talking about? Just now? Sure.

Colin Kingsmill  26:05  
So I think we are, we are I think in today's modern culture, at least in the West, we are surrounded with distractions, right? We're surrounded with distractions that are dividing us that are hurting us that are making us sick. All you have to look at is things like food, okay? And it and how damaging something like we're not, we don't have to get into it. But just think about food or politics or identity politics or the culture war or whatever. It's all dividing us. Right? Or even you think about diversity, equity and inclusion, which is quite popular these days. What if we thought about the fact that we are all one species? On a little rock, flying at 1670 kilometres an hour on its access? through something called the universe? Okay. How would we, how would you? How would I, How would others approach life if we came from that perspective? Right? Of we're all one. We're a bunch of little things on a rock. Can we all remember that? And I think if we started to do that, that will trickle down into how corporations feed us. How big pharma mitigates us how people start or finish wars, how cultural division occurs, how genders, you know, have gone, all gone all over the place. I'm just saying, can we get back to the centre of us being one population on a rock? So for me, it's really about and another way you could say that is get some perspective, right? Get some perspective on what's going on. And rise above the day to day war on whatever the latest war is on culture, gender or human I want you know, there's so many of them, right? Like, we're just one we're just one population, one humanity on a little rock. And, you know, I think, what was that was the satellite. I forget what satellite is it's taking photos from three gajillion miles away, I should know the answer. But, you know, honestly, like, get some perspective. And once I think once you get some perspective, you can be kinder to yourself, kinder to your neighbour, kinder to the person down the street, kinder the, to the person of a different colour, or a different enough ethnicity, or a different background or different anything. If we if we treat a baseline of humanity as our starting point. As, as opposed to a reason to, you know, to find division. That's what I mean by that's what I mean by rediscover your humanity. And if you take that if you take the rediscovery of humanity and you blend it with living in integrity, so being who you really are, right, and also also, kind of exercising your purpose and your power, right on this planet, and you're and it's So, so if you blend it with that, and then you become fearless, well, that to me says you can become unlimited, and you become limitless and you can, you can serve this world. Right? As opposed to be a victim of it. Right. And if you're serving this world, then in my modest opinion, you become free from psychological suffering. So it's there, they're all interconnected. You see, for me anyway

Agi Keramidas  30:35  
this perspective that you mentioned of who we are, I have personally I have experienced it, that that shifting the perspective when I'm in a very tall building, like the the shard in London, or the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, when you are in your 100th floor, when you look down. Well, that's what makes you realise, oh, personal, and I love heights, but let's not go into that. But it's spective of realising how small everything is when you look from that point of view. And, equally, that is also useful, rather than having our ego been all the time inflated, or saying, I need all this all the time. That perspective, I will just that came to my mind when you were talking about, you know, the realising that we are all beings on a rock flying in space.

Colin Kingsmill  31:43  
I like that analogy, though, I might use that of, you know, go up to the top floor of the sharks. And, and see how big you feel.

Agi Keramidas  31:53  
Yeah, it's very difficult to fit to when you look down and you see people, humans are like, our hands are even smaller than that. That's exactly who we are also, from when someone looks from above. But we tend to forget that, don't we? And we just think that things are always the universe revolves around us and everything that we do. Which brings us back to some of the other things you were talking about.

Colin Kingsmill  32:18  
Yeah, I? I, I Yeah, you said it perfectly. I don't need to add anything else? Sorry. Perfect. Yep.

Agi Keramidas  32:30  
Colin, this mission, that you are on discovering the humanity, why are you on that mission? What's your motivation?

Colin Kingsmill  32:44  
That's a good question. I am on it. Because for some reason, I just see so much suffering. I see so much psychological suffering, and in what I do, you know, with, with my coaching work, or with my management consulting work, or just, I don't know, maybe, maybe that's what I focused on. But I don't think people deserve to be living like this. With so much disease, which, with so much suffering with so much mental illness, and, you know, all of the numbers are skyrocketing, you know, the data from the last 20 or less years on, on everything that's going on. I don't think we deserve to live like this. So I suppose that's, I suppose I've discovered my purpose. however big or small that is, but it's definitely to help people be free from the psychological suffering, or metabolically metabolic suffering that that they might be living in. We don't deserve it.

Agi Keramidas  34:12  
100% agree. We don't deserve it. And yeah, that's a huge topic on its own calling. So no, yeah, probably. I'll probably probably leave that.

Colin Kingsmill  34:25  
We can do another. We can do another call anytime you want on, on. On the state of humanity. Yes. It's

Agi Keramidas  34:39  
gotten I'm always big on giving to the listeners something actionable, as a result or as RSA a conclusion of the conversation in some ways. What's one piece of advice or one simple practice that you can that our listener can incorporate implement? and into their life today or tomorrow morning so that they can begin that journey towards fearless living that you said there?

Colin Kingsmill  35:07  
Sure. Sure. You know what I would say is, first of all, it doesn't have to be like this. So recognise that, okay? And recognise that you meet, everybody has a flint stone moment, right? So when the rock hits the rock and the spark ignites on how you are going to decide on the next minute or the next day of your life, you are responsible for that decision. So you can go up or you can go down. You decide. So I guess my my, the thing to leave people with is, where are you going to take that Flintstone moment? Are you going to go up? Are you gonna go down? And based on that decision, you come up with the narratives and the stories and the plan for the day. So decide, what do you want it to be?

Agi Keramidas  36:07  
It starts with a decision for sure. Thank you for that.

Colin Kingsmill  36:11  
And it's a natural, it's a millisecond. Okay Yagi, and a lot of us a lot of people don't realise that it's a millisecond. But you've just moved made a decision. So that's all you know. That's, that's important.

Agi Keramidas  36:30  
Gordon, I have a couple of last quick questions to ask you to wrap it up. Before I do that. Where will you direct the listener? Who wants to find out more about you and your work and mission?

Colin Kingsmill  36:48  
Yeah, you know, you can come come to my website, Colin kingsmill.com. It's pretty easy. I'm also on Instagram. That's kind of really all I do LinkedIn. I'm on. I'm on there, too. But yeah, Colin kingsman.com. And then from there, you can go into team coaching, you can go into Instagram, you can go into my blog, wherever you want. Just got a call on kingsville.com.

Agi Keramidas  37:07  
Awesome, thank you. And my my two quickfire questions with that, which I always ask my guests. The first one is What does personal development mean to you?

Colin Kingsmill  37:20  
It means freedom.

Agi Keramidas  37:30  
And a hypothesis.

Colin Kingsmill  37:37  
But to me, to me personal development means getting to a place where you are free from stories and narratives and, and psychological suffering, or depression or anxiety, or whatever it is, whatever is holding you. back and down. Yeah. So that to me is personal development.

Agi Keramidas  37:56  
Yeah. That's fantastic. And

Colin Kingsmill  37:59  
but but you have to embody it. You can't just know about it, right? So don't just read the books, and you know, have Eckhart Tolle on your desk and read it 10 times over. Power of Now is great, but you need to embody it. Okay?

Agi Keramidas  38:15  
Of course, it's a whole different thing to know about something and embodying the knowledge and maybe practising the knowledge, putting it into action. And that's also one of my missions as a podcast host to provoke the listener to actually take action on the knowledge. Otherwise, knowledge is useless if you don't do anything with it. Yeah.

Colin Kingsmill  38:39  
I mean, trust me, I've done it. I did it for 20 years. I read all the books, right. It's like, and they're all back there, up there. And over there, but But you got to feel it.

Agi Keramidas  38:51  
Yeah. That is that is the next question. The next question is hypothetical. And it is if you could go back in time and meet your 18 year old self, what's one piece of advice you would give him?

Colin Kingsmill  39:05  
Hmm. You are worthy. And you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Maybe that's the second part, the latter. You do not have to prove anything to anyone. You are Complete already. That's what I would say.

Agi Keramidas  39:28  
She was different. Thank you. Colin, I want to thank you very much. This has been a truly fascinating conversation, which I kind of had. I think I had the feeling that it would have been but it really exceeded my expectations. Thank you very much for sharing your wisdom with cigars today. I want to wish you all the very best with your mission of helping people rediscover their humanity and last parting acutes from you

Colin Kingsmill  40:03  
know, I mean I think I already said it, life does not have to be this way or life if you are feeling stuck, it does not have to be this way there is a way out. So let us let us help you

Agi Keramidas  40:19  
and before I leave you for today a quick reminder, for the time being the podcast has one episode a week it's Monday and not too. There are some exciting changes coming up in the podcast soon. So stay tuned. For the time being make sure you grab this exclusive opportunity to get my first book for free before its official launch. And my wish is for you that in this book to find that one new idea that you will implement into your life. Go to agikeramidas.com/88 for your free copy the link is in the show notes. Until next time, stand out don't fit in!