#418 How to cultivate self-awareness and balance your masculine and feminine energies for success, with Aneta Ardelian Kuzma.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

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Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 0:00

I do believe the answers lie within whether you call that your soul, your spirit, your highest self, your connection to the divine, whatever it is that that looks like for you, being able to relax yourself to a point where you're able to actually connect, and to see these images in these visions and really connect even to your subconscious mind. The answers are there.

Agi Keramidas 0:27

You're listening to personal development mastery, the podcast that empowers you with a simple and consistent actions to take that will help you create a life of purpose and fulfillment. I'm your host Agi Keramidas and this is episode 418. By

Agi Keramidas 1:54

Today, it is my pleasure to speak with Aneta Ardelian Kuzma. Aneta you are a holistic life coach, author, podcast host and also a yoga meditation and breathwork teacher. You are passionate about helping others get unstuck, awaken to their potential and purpose, dream big and take aligned action so they can start living the weeds of their lives. Another Welcome to the show. It's such a pleasure to speak with you today. Okay, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here with you. So my and I'm looking forward to exploring with you, among other things, creating more alignment in our life for balancing the masculine and feminine energy and, and more.

Agi Keramidas 2:45

Before we go there, tell me about a pivotal moment in your own journey, maybe where you decided to transition from the corporate world where you were to what you started doing afterwards. And the the phrase that you use that I liked it very much. You said you rediscovered your zest for life. And I think that is so so precise. Anyone who knows that has experienced that knows very well. So take us there and give us an overview of how how it was and what happened. Yeah,

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 3:21

it's, it's so interesting, because there there are moments, and sometimes we pay attention. And we notice them. And sometimes we don't pay attention. And I think for me for a while there were probably moments where I knew that where I was in my corporate career was not where I wanted to retire from. I had a sense that it wasn't what I needed to do. And I would think the first time I noticed this was when I was in graduate school, I was getting my MBA, and really enjoyed the experience because I love learning. I loved my classmates, I really enjoyed the experience. And we had an assignment, we were asked to write a 20 page life vision paper, about our why, why are we here? What are our passions? What are we meant to be doing in this lifetime? What are our purposes? And I will tell you, that was the hardest assignment over those two years. That was the hardest thing I had to do. Because we were asked to stop to think to go within. It wasn't some career trajectory. It wasn't a succession plan at work that was lined out for you. And so that was the first time I actually started asking myself some of these questions about what do I really want to do. Now? I didn't I finish the paper. I had a lot of big dreams on there, but I didn't actually start to take action on it. It wasn't until probably about seven years later, where I got to the point my career and my kids were older. So I felt like I could focus on myself again where I said, I know that I need to start taking some action but I don't know Oh, what to do, I don't know how to build the bridge from where I am, to where I want to go. And that's when I hired a coach to help me, it became very evident that I should work with someone, a professional who has already done the work themselves, in order to help me get there. And I think what happened is, I just, I looked around, and I was kind of gray, my world was gray, I had a beautiful marriage and wonderful children, and I had all these blessings in my life. And I was very grateful. And yet at the same time, I knew that there had to be more. And so that was when I said, Okay, I'm gonna get some help. And I rolled in a program. And then from the time I worked with my coach to the time I left was another two years, and now it's been five and a half years that I've been in my own business

Agi Keramidas 5:51

was there during that time, when you started working with a coach, and you started seeing all these things that all these other, let's say, the outside perspective of how we are, that's how I see it, you know, you you see yourself through the eyes of someone else, and it can be very objective and raw sometimes during that, that time, did you have any major insight or realization that really shifted things for you rapidly from from them on?

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 6:27

A lot of them? Actually, it's a great question, I recognized that there were limiting doubts and beliefs, things, fears that I had, that needed to be addressed if I was going to actually be able to make some changes. So it was the first time that I really focused in on mindset, and it wasn't just brute force, I'm gonna work harder and just get through this was actually okay, in order to make a big shift in the change, I actually have to change. So that was a big awakening, we did a lot of reflective work. And I recognize the importance of having a really strong vision, not focusing in the corporate world, we focus a lot on quarterly results, which is very short sighted, even when we do annual planning. And this time, I was saying, you know, we did work on what does your life look like 10 years from now? That's a hard question if you've never gone through it. And so really recognizing that, gosh, I didn't do any of this work, I didn't have any of this figured out. And that's the work that's gonna take a little bit longer. And so just the importance of vision before you take action to make sure that the actions you take today are going to get you to where you want to go. Because 10 years, God willing, will come and go for everybody. But whether you end up where you want to go is really dependent on making sure you've got your vision and then lining your daily choices to get to where you want to go.

Agi Keramidas 7:54

That's great. You said vision before action. And I completely agree with that. Tell me when you say vision or gaining the vision so that then you can do the action? Or the clarity of the vision? In other words, is it purely an intellectual process? Is it something that okay, I'm going to sit down and think, What is my vision? Or are there are other elements that you find that create that vision that eventually you write down and you let it guide your actions? So I'm talking about the creation of the vision, what does it include?

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 8:32

Yeah, for me, and also what I practice my clients, I have a very strong spiritual practice, and I have a very strong connection. And I do believe the answers lie within whether you call that your soul, your spirit, your highest self, your connection to the divine, whatever it is that that looks like for you. Being able to relax yourself to a point where you're able to actually connect, and to see these images in these visions and really connect even to your subconscious mind. The answers are there. And so when I do the work with my clients, when I did it with myself was really bringing myself to that state. So it's not a thinking process, necessarily, it's more an allowing a revealing of remembering and unfolding. And when we're able to tap into that so often, even my own clients will say, That's so weird. I never thought about that. Or, you know, I never imagined that I would want to live somewhere else, you know. So it's not necessarily the thinking the thinking often gets us into trouble because then we want to figure out the why and the how, and we're focusing in on the how sometimes we we already start to censor our dreams or negotiate with ourselves before we actually have the big dreams.

Agi Keramidas 9:52

Thank you for that answer in the USA this. I agree with you so much and I'm so happy that you You mentioned you said the phrase the answers come from within and yes, when we say within, we don't mean our, the voice in our head, the brain. There was a liked, you said allowing revealing you some words like that with you know, I have a very different way to them rather than creating, writing down or thinking about the answers. Anyway, I will. There is another thing I wanted to ask with what you said you talked about the that state being able to be in that state where you are relaxed, and you can allow for this knowing to to come to your for you to witness it or realize it? Is it what kind of techniques or practices do you recommend? is the mother of meditation? Is it a matter of doing something different? What What have you found to be more effective in going there accessing that relaxed state, you use the word relax. So that's why I'm repeating. Yeah, word.

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 11:18

Yeah, for me, big fan of meditation, and grounding exercises, some heart coherence breath, which is really important as well, that's what I find is very helpful to get us to a state where we're able to drop into the body to be more embodied, starting to quiet the thinking mind, and really being able to also tap into your intuition to your inner guidance. So that's what I do for myself. And that's what I do with my clients as well.

Agi Keramidas 11:49

Definitely little bit more about the heart coherence breath.

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 11:54

Yeah, the heart coherence breath is beautiful practice, you can do it for a minute or two every morning. And it really is an equal part breath, you inhale through the nose for a count of five or six. And then you exhale slowly, again, through the nose for the equal parts, either five or six breaths. Six is difficult. Sometimes if people don't practice, it's actually hard to inhale or exhale for six. So you could start with five, but six is actually a really good number as well.

Agi Keramidas 12:24

Do you think of something in particular will you do in that focusing on the breath solely? Yeah, look,

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 12:32

I focusing on the breath, I focus in on just imagining myself bringing the breath in from the root, the base of the spine, coming in through the heart coming all the way up into your heart space, expanding everything. And then as you exhale, slowly, just releasing the breath back into the earth, allowing it to be recycled for good. You know, some people like to just do the counting, which is also great. We can't have two thoughts in our mind at the same time. So being able to count actually is a wonderful way to also quiet the mind. And if you've got any distracting thoughts, it's a beautiful way to just allow yourself to just focus. I love listening to music, you know, you can have some gentle music on when you're doing these practices, some heart coherence music, or, you know, any solfeggio frequencies are always really nice. And Spotify is amazing. You can find music for just about anything.

Agi Keramidas 13:28

If you enjoy this episode, can you think of one person that would find it useful and share it with them, I'd really appreciate it it helps the show grow and you will also be adding value to people you care about. Thank you. And now let's get back to the episode. That's great. Thank you for your answer. And it goes you know, sometimes we talk about breath work and we say Okay, will do equal inhale and exhale. But there's so much else that is going on apart from the breath. So thank you for what you that some other elements of the experience or we say that it's I think it's important that it's can find the little tweaks that will allow that practice to be useful for for a person not everything. suits everyone.

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 14:20

In my experience misunderstood Yeah, Agi. It's so misunderstood. People say well, I breathe all the time. I've been breathing since I was born. Why do I need to breathe but many of us are shallow breathers. Many of us are in the sympathetic nervous system where we are breathing too fast, and being able to do the controlled breathing with intention. And there's so many different breath patterns that are activating or relaxing or transformative is one of the fastest ways to move from the sympathetic to the parasympathetic nervous system the rest and digest. And so I'm obsessed with breath work. encourage everyone to to practice.

Agi Keramidas 15:05

I enjoy it very much myself, I have been practicing for years now. And yeah, I can I enjoy this so much. And I have done all sorts of I will take it back not all sorts of different source. I wouldn't even dare to say not even half of all but anyway. And then I will switch gears now a little bit abruptly. But there is something I really wanted to discuss with you today. And that is the balance, because I mentioned that in the introduction, and you say that most of us what most of us can have heard about balance is wrong. So do you want to explain give us an overview of that, what is wrong with the way that most people perceive balance? And what is really balance about? Yeah,

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 16:03

so a couple of things. Some people say there is no work life balance. And they always associated to work and to life as these very broad categories. And they will say, there is no balance, you just have to choose what you're going to do on any given day. And then there's some people who believe that balance is something that you can attain. But I think the definition of what balance is maybe a little off. And what I found with my clients, and with myself, too, that the way to actually achieve what we're looking for, the word that might be a better fit is alignment. And what I mean by that is you start with your why? What are the values, the things that are most important to you in your life, maybe it's your family, maybe it's your health and wellness, maybe it's personal growth and development, maybe it's, you know, anything, maybe it is your career. And when you identify what your values are, and the things that make you come alive, the things you're passionate about the things that are so important to you in your life, then, are you making daily choices of where you spend your time and your energy that aligns back to those values. If you are, you will feel what we call balance. And if you aren't, you will feel misaligned and out of balance. And so that's why I think the nuances and so if someone says, Well, my health and wellness is very important to me. But they're not making time to sleep, or to eat properly, or to drink their water, or to get their physical movement, they will feel out of balance. If they say their family is important. And they're missing all their kids activities, or they don't make it home for dinner, or they're working on their laptop while they're on a family vacation. They will feel out of balance. And so it's really knowing what's most important to you. And then as you open up your calendar, look at today, look at the week, look at the month, look at the entire year. Do you have activities and blocks of time that are aligned to those values? And if you don't, you're not going to find the balance that you're seeking for. So it's proactively making sure you're making time for all those important things. And then that really helps us set boundaries for what we say yes or no to. It's just so much easier to go. Yeah, no, I'm actually pretty tired right now. And I haven't spent what time with my family. So I'm not going to say yes to this after hours work event, I can say no to it. But we don't necessarily start that way we usually start with all the activities that we think we're supposed to do that we should do. And then we hope that it lines up to actually what makes us feel good. And so that's the My definition of maybe alignment or balance, but I like the word alignment much better.

Agi Keramidas 19:07

So do I and you know when you're saying about the life, some people call it the life work balance, like like they are two opposite things that one does not say yeah, which is really not or it shouldn't be the case. But yeah, so I alignment has so much more as a word as a concept with it. And I like you you're talking about the values and you know living in congruence with our values then that creates or allows the violence and the fulfillment is another word that came to my mind with what you were saying. What would you say to someone listening now and have this they do feel imbalance or misaligned in some area of their life and they will Have to do something about?

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 20:01

Yeah, I would say start first with your personal health, I think it's very important to focus first on, if you've been out of balance, you're probably on some somewhere on the journey of burnout could be, or somewhere in the burn the journey of not feeling optimally well or healthy. So it's a start there first and say, How can I ensure my sleep is good? How do I make sure I'm making enough time for all the things that are most important for me to feel good, because when we do that, we can start thinking more clearly, we have the focus we can make, we have the discernment to be able to do the work that needs to be done. And then it's really saying, let's focus in on those values. What are your top five? What are the things that are most important? Have the conversation with yourself, do the work? And then ask yourself? How do I add more of that in my life? What does that look like for me, and start small, it doesn't have to be, you know, creating an all new routine, which is really challenging, but start small and say, you know, if I need more time with my family, because that's where I am missing the most is saying what does that look like? You know, how many days a week are we doing dinner together, maybe that's the first place we start. You know, maybe it means working less on the weekend, taking a day of rest, you know, doing stuff with my kids. So start small, identify the work, identify your values, start making some choices, start small, celebrate those wins, and then add more on every single week. Because even if it's sleep, for example, if you could just get 15 minutes extra of sleep a night, by the end of the month, you're in a much better place than you were before. Just through that small little intention. Starting

Agi Keramidas 21:47

small, makes it so much manageable to God something

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 21:54

like Yeah, and we should celebrate the small wins, we don't sometimes we we have such pressures on ourselves. And then it makes it so challenging and difficult. But the smallest of wins. If you add on there's the compound effect makes such a huge difference.

Agi Keramidas 22:13

That's also very good reminder, also what you just said that the about, especially the small wins, because the more the big wins. Most people hopefully they would celebrate that, but the small wins, the daily wins. These are something that reinforces the more you do it, the more you you find more wins to, you know, share will be grateful for a letter there is one other element that I also wanted to discuss with you it's involves balance again, but this time it is the balance about the energies, the masculine and the feminine energies. And first of all, can you tell me how you define or how you perceive this, you know, the, the balance of those two energies in the context of this conversation that we're having today? Yeah,

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 23:12

so each of us have masculine feminine energies, and they're not tied to gender. They actually are the yin and the yang. There's different words and different philosophies and different cultures. And so the masculine the very healthy masculine energy is the energy of getting things done. It's a budgeting and planning and taking action, and staying on task and being focused and clear and driven in a really healthy way. And then there is the healthy feminine, which is the visioning being in flow, being in rest, allowing things to unfold. Sometimes it looks more like being in a slower state and resting when we need to. And that the balance of these two is just really beautiful. Being able to have both allows us, I think, to connect to what it is that we need in the moment, and then also trusting that we are hearing what we should be doing. Now, many of us for too long, I was in the very masculine energy for a long period of time. And sometimes the healthy sometimes the distorted, unhealthy, masculine energy. And that looks more like fear based pushing even to the point of burnout, you know, just drive drive drive without stopping. And that part of it is just because I live in the United States. I was in a corporate environment. I was in a very masculine driven environment, which was banking. And so that was the energy that I exhibited most days. And then you know, the one night left and started my In business, it was really hard for me to return back from the masculine and start to employ more of the feminine. It was hard, even though my calendar was my own, it was hard to say, Oh, I get to create this the way I want, you know, where do I make time for these things that I want? How do I make time just to think and to strategize or to allow myself to journal to tap into some of the more feminine energies. And so one from a health and wellness perspective and two, from a balance and also just from being in the place of alignment, it's so important to have the healthy masculine and feminine energies, and allowing ourselves to be in different seasons, depending on what it is that we need. And you know, that's personal, that's business, that's relationships, that's everything. And it is a daily practice, I feel it's, for me, it's discipline and devotion. It's showing up with my devotion every day with my meditation practices with being in nature, with spending time journaling, writing, getting sunshine, grounding, all of those things. And then it's also making sure that I honor my commitments, and things that I'm accountable from, from a discipline perspective, and being consistent, and all the things I need to do in my personal life and also in my business. And so it's that constant discipline and devotion, the masculine and the energy. I hope that answers your question.

Agi Keramidas 26:31

It's a beautiful answer. Thank you. And there was one other thing that came to my mind when I heard you talking about this, let's say someone listening right now are not getting the kind of results they would like to get, let's say from their professional life, whatever that might be their business, or if you were talking about the balance of the masculine energy, which is, you know, the taking action and planning and executing and the feminine energy, which is creation and allowing, and vision, etc. So if one finds themselves in a situation that they're not getting, or they haven't gotten the results they want, how can one start to discern which of the two sides they need to put more focus on? In other words, is it? Do they need to put on more action? Because there is something wrong there? Or is it a matter of allowing, as you said, and I hope my question makes make sense. I know it's general, though.

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 27:41

No, it's such a great question. Because it really does depend on the person's ability to have tap into their intuition, intuition and discernment and identify what the challenge is. So it does require a little bit of self awareness, to say, you know, hmm, am I really tired? And do I need a little bit more rest? Or am I in a collapsed state, where I'm scared to take action, and I'm spending way too much time in the distorted feminine. I think this is where, or the opposite, am I pushing, pushing, pushing, and I'm exhausted, and I'm consistent, but maybe not getting the results I want. And I also don't feel really great. And maybe I'm spending too much time in the masculine. This is where coaching or even accountability partners or someone else can also be a mirror back to us and be able to reflect back if we don't have enough of the self awareness, to be able to create it. For me, personally, if I'm exhausted, and I'm tired, I will know that I'm not spending enough time, in devotion and in the feminine. And I'll over index and spend more time there. That's where I spend more time in meditation more time, outside more time, maybe in yoga, gentle practices. And if I am not taking action, and maybe feel like I'm not being consistent and not doing the work that I need to do, then I say what is it that I need to do in order to be more disciplined and maybe that looks like time blocking setting specific goals working with an accountability partner doing even battle buddy doubling, I think it's called where you can actually say, hey, I need to get some stuff done. Do you want to jump on the Zoom together and we're both going to black two hours and you're gonna do your work, I'm gonna do my work. I do that with friends of mine. And that sort of holds us accountable. Where if you need somebody else to kind of, you know, be there for you just to make sure that you're not deceiving yourself. So those are some of the things that I have found that works for me personally.

Agi Keramidas 29:47

Thank you. That was I had never heard of that before to keep each other accountable during through a zoom call. So that's such an interesting idea. I might try that. employ myself, try it.

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 30:01

Some of my friends in my mastermind, we're in a Business Mastermind we did it yesterday that there was like a group of us in a small accountability group. And I had for five hours, I had the Zoom open. And we had a timer on so we wouldn't interrupt each other. Well, you know, so you could do like the Pomodoro Technique. So there are different things that you can bring in from a focus. And then you can take a little break, say, Hey, how's it going? So when you need any support, what's going on? It's really helpful when you have somebody else sitting there. They're gonna notice if you're on your phone, or if you're getting up to go get another cup of coffee, or whatever it is. So yeah, it's a it's a great technique.

Agi Keramidas 30:42

It certainly so yeah, thanks again for sharing that. Where will you direct the listener who has enjoyed the conversation and wants to find out more and I also know you have a breath work class, we were talking about placing?

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 30:58

Yes. So if anyone is interested in really focusing in on some of these practices that we've talked about today, the meditation, maybe the yoga, the breath work, I do offer complimentary sessions for folks to experiment with. So if you go to my website, and Netta khuzaima.com, you'll be able to find links to anything. But I have a free breathwork class every Thursday at noon, Eastern Standard Time, it's 30 minutes, you can join, you can have your camera off, if you're not comfortable having it on. And I will guide you through a breathwork session, there's an intention that said there's a specific playlist, there's a couple of different breath patterns, and I'll go through all of it. So if you're new to breath work that is available. I also have a monthly wellness membership program. And I'm giving all of the listeners seven days to try it for free. No obligation, it's every Monday through Saturday, it's a morning class, have a short yoga class, and then we go straight into meditation with breathwork. Another wonderful way to jumpstart, maybe some new morning routines that people might be interested in. And if you register and you don't get to attend live, because of the time difference, I will send a recording out so you can have access to the recordings for the week as well. And those are available. If you go to my website, there's the top nav classes, and you can register for free there as well. So two good ways to to get in touch with me.

Agi Keramidas 32:33

Great, and the links are in the episode description. Another I have before we wrap up, I have two quick questions that I always ask my guests in the end. And the first one is What does personal development mean to you?

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 32:50

Personal Development, I think it's just part of our life's journey as a human is to grow is to learn is to become just a little bit better, it's to remember who we are, and really continue to have a level of curiosity that drives you know, our personal growth as a human. So that's what it means to me.

Agi Keramidas 33:14

And type ascetically if you could go back in time and meet your 18 year old self, what's one piece of advice you would give her?

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 33:22

Oh my goodness, my 18 year old self. Um you know, I would say be in the present moment. There's no need to rush, there's no need to, to try to be anywhere than where you are. I would remind her that these are going to be some of the most formative and exciting years of your life, you're going to meet most amazing friends that are going to be lifelong friends, you're going to learn so much you know I was going to university at that age. And and also just remind myself that this is a journey. You not everything will be accomplished in a day, but it will be accomplished in divine timing when it's supposed to so enjoy the ride.

Agi Keramidas 34:13

Beautiful piece of advice. And I want to thank you very much for this conversation we had today. I believe there were some really important messages that came through the word that comes to my mind is self awareness. You mentioned that quite a few times in the conversation. I think it is key but there were also very many practical things you said so I appreciate that very much. I want to wish you all the very best with your posts your personal and professional life and your mission. Any last parting words?

Aneta Ardelian Kuzma 34:54

Oh, thank you Agi. I really enjoyed our conversation and the ad last parting words are just that, you know continue to focus every single day on just being 1%. Better as James Claire says, and over time, you might be really surprised with how far you've come.

Agi Keramidas 35:16

And before I end today's episode, if you enjoy this podcast, can you think of one person that would find it useful and share it with them? I'd really appreciate it. It helps the show grow and your short value to people you care about. And until next time, stand out don't fit in!