#430 The simple daily practice that has changed our lives in the last year.

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

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Agi Keramidas:0:04

Welcome to personal development mastery podcast, and this is episode 430 today, I am delighted, really delighted, to be joined by my good friend Jamie Fair, and we will talk about a practice that has many ways changed our lives. So Jamie, welcome. My heart is overjoyed for having this conversation and this opportunity to discuss this really, very important topic we are about to, yeah,

Jamie Fair:0:46

thank you for the invite. Agi, my friend. This is I was really thrilled and excited when you said, Hey, let's talk about this practice that we did. So, yeah, happy to be here, and I looking forward to hopefully getting others to do the same practice. Absolutely,

Agi Keramidas:1:00

this is also my intention to to inspire someone to try it for themselves, as as I was initially and we started it, you know, just over a year ago. Before I go there, I will give you know a very brief background to the mastery seekers who are listening right now. So Jamie fair, my friend now, was two years less than two years ago, one of my guests in the podcast, actually, that's how we met, because you wanted to come to my podcast as a guest.

Jamie Fair:1:39

Very much.

Agi Keramidas:1:43

And that was episode 302 and actually, I will say that because it is relevant, important. This has been and still is. I was checking earlier today in the top 15 most popular episodes out of over 400 so I think that says a lot. You were talking about how to create lasting motivation. So that's how we we met, really. I gave that as a as a preface, there is something I want to ask you in that previous conversation of the podcast we did year and a half ago, I had introduced you at that time as a speaker, author, visionary and coach. Does this still resonate with you? That's, that's my introduction question.

Jamie Fair:2:32

Yeah, very much. I'm still, hopefully I got a second published book here coming out, hopefully before Christmas I'm targeting. So, yeah, very much an author, still very much a speaker. And love, love, love, coaching people. That is my passion. That's beautiful, great. So, yeah, fits great. Thank you.

Agi Keramidas:2:51

It's good. It's good. It means I was looking at something similar today earlier, and I realized that it's great when you realize that you're still on the path. That means that you know it is the right path, the more you keep on relating to this. So enough with all that. Now I will really go back to we have been doing a daily practice, or practically daily practice, for over years now. And can you share? I would like to share one of the most important things I gained from it, Jamie, but can you tell me one of the most important things that you gained from doing this practice over the last year? Then I will share one, and then let's go ahead and reveal what it is, and it's very easy, very simple.

Jamie Fair:3:44

Narrow down to one, is difficult. I would say I feeling more supportive than I ever have in my life, and I can go into more detail on that,

Agi Keramidas:3:54

absolutely, that's important. We'll we'll go through that, for sure, because I also do feel the same for me. And you know, it's not that I'm narrowing it down to one. I'm just picking one that really right now feels like very relevant. And what is friendship? I mean, this practice allowed us to build this beautiful, this deep friendship. So and that is, and I will say that also for because it it's also interesting in this digital era that we live, that we still have not met each other in person. We have had numerous conversations online or with the practice that we do, we still have met in person. So I'm just

Jamie Fair:4:51

so it doesn't require someone nearby to do this practice. It can be anyone anywhere, because of tech.

Agi Keramidas:4:57

Absolutely, that's very important. So. So basically, what it isn't I got inspired, but to do this practice by one of my previous guests on the podcast, Andrew Cobb, who was sharing that he was doing that with one of his friend and the practice basically is, every day you pick up the phone and you record a quick voice message what it is that you are grateful for that day, so it's a simple gratitude practice, or the principle of it anyway, and then send it to the other person. The other person listens to it whenever they want send their own message. And I think, in essence, the practice is very, extremely simple. So I don't know if I if you would describe it in a different way on, you know, the most basic level, Jamie, how? How would you describe what really the practice would be?

Jamie Fair:6:00

You said it pretty well. I think early on, now that we've been doing it for a year, it feels very natural and easy. I would say, early on, it felt a little like awkward, and we were still kind of navigating what was okay to share what wasn't. So I would say it required us to do some navigation to get there. But yeah, in its simplest form, we're simply leaving each other a message of what we're grateful for, for the day, and and, and not just leaving the message, but hearing the other person's message, so that you know someone heard you. You're being heard. There's a someone creating a space for you to share that, and it's ridiculously powerful, crazy, powerful man, when you first sit on the cast, I'm like, fun. Let's do that. And then let's talk about, let's

Agi Keramidas:6:50

talk about, just tell me what comes to mind when you say powerful. Tell me something that really strikes out for you. Then now that, no, I'll

Jamie Fair:6:58

just finish the story I started, and I could feel the emotions already kicking in here. But most of my life, I have kind of just gone out on my own and done it right. I made I made stuff happen, and I did it, you know? I pushed things into motion. It's been all Me, me, me, at least, that's been my experience, that was my perception, and through the practice with you, I started to see things that I was grateful for more. So because I'm, I know I'm gonna leave a recording, you know, every night with you, I start focusing on, hey, what am I grateful for? And then my brain starts looking for things to be grateful for. And so for the first, I think, half of the year we were doing this, I would I would Sid, and I would think about what I wanted to share with you before I before I recorded the message. And one I just, it was just, I don't know what happened that day, something clicked. I thought, Man, I love having this very supportive, very close friend on the other side, even though he's, you know, 1000s of miles away I can talk to every single day, and man, I just feel so supported right now. And then I started to realize, wow, actually, my wife is actually very supportive right now too, and my mom's been really and I just started like stacking these things up and realizing that I have never in my entire life felt so supportive. And while that was very impactful, it would not have been possible for me to experience that I don't think, without this practice, without the focus, without setting my brain to start looking for those things to be grateful for, and in doing so, we find it just like everything else, what you know, what we focus on, we find more of and gratitude is absolutely one of those things, and it feels good too. It feels really good.

Agi Keramidas:8:45

It certainly doesn't because you mentioned the word focus, and I will say with that, that the consistency of the practice, the fact that we were doing it on a daily basis, would mean for me that there would be that time, that it would be time to record my message, because I knew that if I had if I would leave it then, then the remaining of the day would be much more difficult. So there have been many times that I really there wasn't feeling of, you know, recording a message of gratitude because of what was going on in my life on that day. So the practice allowed me to take my focus and put it deliberately into gratitude because of the practice. And then, you know, the beautiful thing, and the interesting thing is, when you change your focus like that. You also change your vibration. You change your your thoughts, change your emotions, change you know, your day changes actually. So I think

Jamie Fair:9:49

what you attract into your life changes. So in terms

Agi Keramidas:9:53

of, you know, the focus, the raising the vibration, and it is gratitude. So. A apart from all the other things that we've experienced by doing this, and I would love to share a few more, because there are some really, you know, new ones, ones that might not become obvious, but talking about gratitude, the the benefits of it are obvious, very well documented. And I think if you are listening to us right now, you know very well the powers of gratitude. So this is just an exercise that allows us a gratitude practice. I can call it Yeah, and

Jamie Fair:10:37

a reminder to focus on the things that that matter in life, one of the very important things, what we're grateful for.

Agi Keramidas:10:46

You said earlier about feeling supported, and I one that was one thing that I gained from the practice very and it was one of the very important things for me was the ability to do some deep introspection. Because, and let me give a I will back on for a moment here and give a little bit of clarification. Yes, we did indeed start this practice us a daily gratitude message back and forth every day, however soon, I don't remember how soon after Jamie it was, we added some other elements. I mean, some days we wanted to discuss about something that was happening with our day. And we really wanted to, you know, get it off our chest, you know, speak about it. So I think for me, that particular element of sometimes I would describe things, and the practice allowed me, because it was done consistently, allowed me to really go deep inside and find what I wanted to say and what's going on and why I'm feeling that I mean. What I'm trying to say is that I was doing and you know that because you've listened to me many times a self reflection at the same I was thinking out loud, doing a reflection, and that really helped me, you know, articulating these thoughts, these ideas, these it's very different when you have them, when you have anything just up inside your head, and there are thoughts, and it's very different when you speak it out with words. And this practice has helped me, and it helps me every day to articulate some concepts or some it can be different things. It can be inner, some elements of my inner world. It allows me to articulate them, to express them. And that for me, it is knowing myself better, really. It is my path to self mastery, to know myself. So this is and I'm thanking you right now, truly for you know this practice,

Jamie Fair:13:21

me too, my friend, me too. I like that. I appreciate that perspective. And have have come across that many times myself, you know, and in stumbling over the words that we share with each other, I'll suddenly have an epiphany, go, Oh my gosh, clicks. Things click into place, right? Another one that I would like to share is, you said it pretty well, is the deepening of our friendship. It was an unexpected side effect because we, Augie and I meet every other week on Zoom, hang out for an hour and and that certainly improves our friendship. But when you get to hear what someone is deeply internally grateful for every day. It really gives you an insight into those, into that person. You know it. I'm having difficult articulate it, but it kind of opens us both up to be able to see the inner versions of us. And for me, at least, it brought me closer to you. Absolutely, I feel much closer to you than when we started this practice. You know, we leave a message every day for each other. How can I help it? I get to hear, yeah, your your innermost thoughts and dreams and desires and and although I have a lot of close friends, those aren't always things that we share with each other. So I appreciate that very much. I also appreciate that you have been an honest and an accurate reflection for me. Some days I may share something you're like, Really, dude, you know. You offer a perspective. You're always, you're always very nice about it, you know, sometimes offer me a perspective that is like I see a little differently, and I go, Oh, wow, thank you for that reminder that I'm, you know, somewhere right now. You know. And it's amazing, because we live 1000s of miles apart we record. You know, we're in different completely different time zones for the most part, and most of our recordings isn't like 12 hours apart. And yet, still, we're able to deepen a friendship, to feel loved and supported and heard, to get honest reflection when you're when you're sharing something, you're like, I don't know if this is how you know how I should feel about things. There's just yeah, there's just so much to this. I'll stop. I'll stop.

Agi Keramidas:15:50

I think a phrase that describes it very well is like we have a front row seat to each others because with a daily what's happening daily. We see what the other person is doing on a daily basis. And also, as you say, we see ourselves. It is. It works in that introspective way, as I was saying. And one thing that I haven't mentioned yet in terms of the, you know, the things that I personally gained from this practice was it certainly has deepened my vulnerability, the way I can be vulnerable and share some things that Jamie, you know, it that very, very few people, or maybe one person a part of you know so it is when you reach that level of and what I have always appreciated about your response to my comments of that kind is that you are very I feel heard. You hear what I'm saying without judging me, without giving me any Oh, this is not right, or you could do this or that. It is completely a space that I feel safe, to open up and be vulnerable and share with you what's deeply bothering me, what's deeply inside my heart or my mind, or what is the the big thing that I'm struggling with, with my life right now, or whatever it is, you know, on a daily basis, I don't know about you, but for me, this ability to be more vulnerable, I have the feeling that it starts to spill out in other areas of my communication when I am more comfortable opening up and being vulnerable about something because I have been practicing it with you on some of our messages. So we went really vulnerable, man. I mean, just thinking that brings tears to my eyes. So, yeah, I think that's been one of the most important things I got from this practice so far. Yeah,

Jamie Fair:18:31

I like the word trust that you said, Absolutely, we've created a space of trust. And I don't know those of you I don't have this, and it's not a something that I learned growing up. My father was a Navy officer, and sharing your feelings was not something that I was taught to do. So yes, through this practice, I have also learned to let down my machismo guard, and I don't have to be the macho male. I can, I can be the real me. I can, I can share. I can be vulnerable. I can, I can tell you what's really going on in my life and there, and there aren't many people that I am that transparent with, if I'm honest, including myself in some cases like that. You know, there's been things I've shared with you. I'm like, wow, I didn't realize that about myself. So yeah, that that space of trust is is far more impactful than I think people realize, certainly more more than I did real, the more more than I realized.

Agi Keramidas:19:33

Yeah, no, we created that over the last, if you think about it, a year and a half ago, we would we had just met once on on a podcast interview. So this is, and that's really the reason, or one of the reasons, anyway, that I wanted us to have this conversation on the podcast, because it is such a simple practice, it doesn't cost 10. Think, apart from some commitment time, some time, okay, it is not a big deal of time, like, I mean, 510, minutes a day, even though sometimes you and I have gone longer than

Jamie Fair:20:15

that's over 10 years. So it's about 20 minutes

Agi Keramidas:20:19

that's probably the exception, rather than the rules. Sometimes it is there are, you know, stuff happening to be expanded. But I was saying that my intention when this idea came to share this practice in the podcast was to inspire someone. So if you are listening right now, and this resonates, it is so simple to start doing it, and the the benefits that come from it, they built up with time. They cascade. I mean, this didn't happen with Jamie and I in the first month, but it started building up. And, yeah, I don't know if you wanted to add anything to this Jamie, this particular, you know, someone listening that might think this sounds interesting, but, or there is a little bit of but, do

Jamie Fair:21:28

I have a friend I can do this with? Or who do I talk? Yeah, my first instinct is to say, Guys, just try it. Just try it, and don't try it for a day or two, try it for a couple months. And because it is one of those things that builds up over time. It's a cumulative thing, right? Like you said, first few months, we were still kind of getting to know each other and exploring this, but over time, you realize that this person's safe and I can share everything, and then, and then you do start to share everything, and then all the stuff that used to hold inside is suddenly coming out, and it's just, it's, it's a beautiful experience. And something else I want to add that I forgot to mention earlier is that, and I'm pretty stuck on this whole reflection thing. As you can tell a couple times, you brought something to my attention that I did not catch myself because you heard me. And in the way I said something, in the passion I had something, or the energy when I spoke, you would share back with me and say, Wow, you were really passionate about that. Or, you know, your energy levels were off the charts when you spoke about that. And those were things that I was not aware that I had passion around necessarily. It's like one of them, go figure, was a podcast, right? And my wife and I've been kind of kicking around this idea of doing a podcast, and I shared that with Augie, and his next message was, man, you sounded like a motivational speaker. You were on fire when you talked about that. And suddenly I realized this is something I should pay attention to, and I would not have I would not have noticed. I did not notice that when I spoke about it, it was only when I got that reflection back. So there's a lot of value in having someone hear you. It really is we. I think there's a there's a part of all of us that wants to be truly heard, and here's an opportunity to do it. Maybe it's an awkward conversation with someone to get started. Maybe it feels weird early on, it did. I'll admit it, it did feel a little awkward, you know, early on, but it didn't take long before we fell into a routine and a rhythm, and then it deepened, and then it and then it grew. And I think it's possible for anyone.

Agi Keramidas:23:38

I think so also Jamie and you know, I will add to that what you were saying that I have also with your reflection back at something that I said the previous day. For example, I hear you say, Wow, congratulations on doing that and things like that. I would not think of congratulating myself, I was just, I said something that I did, and the fact that you bring this different perspective for me also that is important, because I realize, yeah, actually, well done me. I mean, this is, this is something I've done, something you know, significant or noteworthy? Yeah, noteworthy. Absolutely, there are so many of those, you know, nuances or smaller things that come with this practice. And I think there are, even if we keep on digging in, we will find many more. The one that comes to my mind to add to that list, because we, I think it's important we didn't mention it. It is some of those messages that we send back and forth. Rather than being gratitude, it's about venting. How, you know, disappointment with whatever is happening, with the job, with the wife, with, you know it,

Unknown:25:09

I would never

Agi Keramidas:25:11

Yes. It was a figure of speech, yes, of course. But I think that for me, that tunnel of being able to just share it out, that you know what this is, what's going crappy with my day today. For me, it has been a great outlet for channel or some way out for me venting that then after a while, thinking, Oh, well, it's not so bad. After all. It's just because I speak, I spoke about it, and I didn't keep it within me. So I wanted to add this, you know, element to to the practice, because it is also, you know, we didn't stick to the rule that it has to be gratitude every day, most of the times it is, but other times it is whatever really has to be expressed at that moment. That's how I feel anyway. I mean, I don't really prepare unless I have to respond something to what you told me. But I don't prepare what I'm going to say. It just comes out what's what needs to be said will be said. That's what I believe

Jamie Fair:26:28

100% Yeah, it isn't always roses and beautiful. If we're making it sound there are times when we're like, I just had the crappiest day and I'm going to unload. So forgive me for the next 10 minutes, please. But you but we also know again, right? It's a safe space, so I get to unload, and now I've moved that emotional energy. It's not stuck inside me anymore. And boy, is that Apple said I'm just comes down a lot when I'm able to move it, and sometimes I'm even able to go from that, you know, I'm fired up, I'm angry, I'm pissed, I'm I'm venting to I got it out, and I'm starting to move toward gratitude again. And I end up, you know, we end up closing the message with gratitude. What a shift, right? That's and that's not an easy shift to make, and I don't think it would be possible without someone there to to express that with someone in a safe space, that you can do that with good call.

Agi Keramidas:27:22

Absolutely, absolutely. So I think I will start wrapping this up now. I'm hoping that the what we saw, I believe, enthusiastically talked about, that we've been experiencing for the last year between us is something that is intriguing, at the very least. So I will just start concluding by or conclude actually, by inviting our mastery seekers, who are listening right now to to to think, what if I tried and start this practice? Jamie said, two months. That's probably too long to commit on something. But I would say, try a couple of weeks at least and see whether that suits you. But right it might. I mean, it has changed our life in so many ways where that's why we took the time to share this with you and yeah, just open that possibility of something so civil and yet so tremendously powerful

Jamie Fair:28:38

and potentially impactful, not just for us, but for others. As you said, right if I'm looking for gratitude now I'm starting to look for Wow, what am I grateful for? For my spouse, or am I being as grateful to my spouse as she deserves? Now we start looking at other people and how this applies as well. So it's been a fantastic practice, my friend, thanks for talking about this. It's a fun

Agi Keramidas:29:01

thank you for coming to talk about this. And somehow I didn't know exactly it came to me as an idea. Jamie and I have, as you know, have operated with that for a long time. Now, when something dawns up in me or comes up, I follow it. I'm, I'm. It feels like I am, you know, assigned to perform that task. It comes in such a way that, wow, I'll do this. So here we are. I want to thank you so much, not just for the conversation today, of course, but for the over one year of doing this practice and the time of our deep friendship. And you know what I always do with my podcast, is hand it over to you for your. Or last part in wisdom, no pressure, no pressure. I don't think

Jamie Fair:30:08

I missed wisdom to share. I would just like to express my gratitude to you, my friend. I know that we say it occasionally how thankful we are, but the fact that you brought this into my life, that you became part of my life, that you became an integral and important and now critical part of my life, and this practice as well. And I told you some time back, man, you called me. I don't care how far away you are, I'm coming. That's what you that's what you can get from those folks. Oh, that'd be a man. Thanks very much. Me

Agi Keramidas:30:41

too. Thank you, Jamie,

Unknown:30:43

thank you.