#401 Special series: Would you like to have more confidence? (part 3)

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
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Agi Keramidas  0:03  
Have you ever thought I'd like to have more confidence? If yes, then this episode is for you. And it is for me too, because I've thought the exact same thing many times. Welcome to personal development mastery Podcast, episode 401. And this is the third episode in a special four week series on confidence. 

0:30  
In the first episode of the series, we discovered the process of how confidence works. In the second episode, we took action with three simple techniques that are very useful for increasing our confidence. And today, in episode three, I hand it over to my remarkable guests. I'm going to play you for short snippets of wisdom from four of my previous guests. Each of them offers a unique perspective on understanding and building confidence. Together, these insights offer a comprehensive view of confidence highlighting both external factors such as clothing, and internal practices, such as self care and repetition. 

1:24  
My first guest, Brenden Kumarasamy,  emphasises the role of repetition and practice in building confidence, and specifically about confidence in speaking and communicating. He talks about an exercise the random word exercise, which is very simple. You pick a random word, and you talk about it non stop for 30 to 60 seconds. It is very simple. The question is, do people do it? Let's listen to Brenden.

Brenden Kumarasamy  1:58  
Competence breeds confidence. So what does that mean? That means as we increase the level of repetition, and what we do, we get more confident in the ideas that we convey. So of course, when I was younger, and I started master talk, and I was coaching a lot of sea level executives, I was really worried, because I didn't really know how to do it. But as Ali good debt says, so Well, if you help one person, the world will give you permission to help everyone else to start with one, then you double to two, you double to four. One other piece I'll add to that game, is going back to how I view communication as a structure. For me, communication is like juggling 18 balls at the same time. So one of those balls is eye contact, one of them is smiling. One of them is looking at the camera lens when we're speaking, one of them is body length, storytelling. But you'll notice as I start listing these off, that it can get really overwhelming for people. So for me, the question has always been, which also helps us build confidence? What are the three easiest balls to juggle? Because if we just do those, which is what you can do on a day to day basis, you can get much better at building your confidence. So let's talk about ball number one a throwback to but I'm happy to talk about the others if you'd like. So the random word exercise, it's fairly simple. It's just nobody does it. So people listen to that tip Aggie, and they go, Oh, random Rolexes. Okay, so I pick up and I do this with my kids and I go okay, you get xylophone, I get a trombone, then you get home. But the problem is, nobody does it. That's the challenge. Whereas me, I've done the exercise 3000 times. So for you who's listening to this, I challenge you to do it five times a day. And for those of you who tell me you don't have time, you all shower everyday hopefully. So you got 15 minutes in there to do the random word exercise. And if you do it for a month, you'll have done it 150 times. So that's what build confidence

Agi Keramidas  3:55  
the second snippet I'm going to play you is about the look good feel good principle. My guest Katherine Lazarus book emphasises how clothing affects self perception and confidence. And she points to studies that highlight the psychological impact over wardrobe choices. Let's listen to her.

Katherine Lazaruk  4:21  
It's the look good, feel good principle. The people often say well, if you look good, you'll feel good. And there wasn't necessarily hard science or any kind of science to back it up. And there were studies done several years ago now at the Kellogg Institute and there was Dr. Oh now has his name is slipping my mind. But they did this study where they wanted to figure out what the link was between what people felt about what they were wearing, what they thought about what it was that they were wearing, and then how they performed. So they did it they used an experiment with lab coats and what they did was they they talked to their some so some of the subjects As they would take a test, then they would randomise control for the answers. And then they would get them, put them in a lab coat and get them to take the test again. And across the board, they performed better when they were wearing the lab coat. But only if they did the interviews afterwards, only if they identified the people that were taking the test if they identified a lab coat with someone who was smart, like scientists were not coats, doctors were lab coats. So if I were a lab coat, I must be smart. So cognitively, they were able to kick up their ability and do better the next time around on the test, even though of course wasn't the same test they controlled for that. But they did better. Cognitively on the second test they did on the first now for those people who associated the white coat with like, more manual labour like an auto body worker or a factory worker, because those people also wear white coats, the effect was not there. So it was not only the garment itself, but also what the person thought about the people who wear those garments were their impression of it. So that was one of the experiments where they started to look at oh, what you put on your body actually makes a difference. And there was another experiment where they put men in suits so that in negotiation, they wanted to see the impact of clothing on negotiation. So they had, they had a control group that just wore what they were wearing to the experiment. They had one group that they put them in sweats, sweatpants and T shirts. And they had another group of men that they put in suits. And when they did that experiment, what they found was the men in suits gave up less grounded their negotiations and negotiated quite a lot more on average, something like 1.2 million more dollars than a deal on average. And they also found that they produce more testosterone, but they were wearing suits. So sometimes when I'm giving talks to that, you know, audiences that are have a lot of men or you know, male male representing people in them, I'll say, Look, if you want to produce or reproduce, you should probably get a suit.

Agi Keramidas  6:54  
My third guest for today, Natalie Bailey, sees confidence as an internal resource that everyone can access. She draws parallels with everyday tasks that people perform confidently without realising it naturally suggests that recognising these actions can help someone tap into their innate confidence to overcome greater challenges. Let's listen to her.

Natalie Bailey  7:25  
The answer to that is something that's evolved through time through my growth. And as my confidence has grown, it's not something you either have or don't have. It's something that you can tap into, it's a feeling, it's not something that you just leave on the shelf, where you pick it up when you need it. It's something that is always there inside you, it's just about tapping into that internal resource and letting it out. So that you can do more and achieve the things that you want to achieve. It's not one box fit. So wherever you you know, you ever have confidence or you don't, because when you think about your day to day life, you do things with confidence, without even realising it. The way that you get up in the morning, you clean your teeth, you have a shower, you do these things, you dress yourself, these simple, mundane tasks. You have confidence in doing because you've done it so many times on repeat. Whereas most people don't think about that kind of thing. And don't think well, actually, I am confident in dressing myself. So if you think about things like that, and the things that you do on a day to day basis, you know, that you have confidence in areas so you can tap into that to be able to do anything. So when you push through that comfort zone, that barrier where you think, Oh, I can't do that. I'm fearful. I don't know what's on the other side. But everything you want is on the other side of fear. So you tap into it. I know how to tie my laces. I know it's so it sounds so simple. It's not always easy, but it really is it can be that simple. You tap into I know how to tie my laces. You can go and start a podcast. You can go and do public speaking you can jump out of a plane, you can do start, you can start a business you can do anything that you want, because it is it's a feeling that you have in you. It's an internal resource. That's what confidence is.

Agi Keramidas  9:33  
And the final snippet to conclude the special episode about confidence comes from a guest May Lam Rocco see emphasises the importance of self love in building confidence. And so your first four actions you can implement recognising personal achievements, setting achievable goals, countering negative thoughts and focus She loans strengths rather than weaknesses. Let's listen to fit.

May Lam Rocco  10:07  
I would like to talk about starting to rebuild your confidence first, the first thing that I would do is to have that self love, self care of yourself. It is very important for your well being physically, mentally and emotionally. Because a lot of time, we don't take care of ourselves. We always do things that what other people want. And we very seldom to look inside of ourselves and ask ourselves, what what do I want? You know, what do I care? I think that part is so important, because that build on your self worth to build on your resilience built on your self esteem, that is the beginning of motivating yourself. So love yourself first. What I mean by love yourself is like, go deep and look at yourself, what you're good at, what what are the things that you have done in the past? What are the success that you have made, no matter how small or how big, it doesn't matter, go back and look at it, but not look not looking at the past what I've done wrong and all that stuff. But really pat yourself on the back and say, Hey, I have done that, you know, I have succeeded. You know, I have done this before. And also treat yourself well. Not always do things for other people first, take care of yourself first. And I think that is the most critical part for doing that. Number one. And number two of that is set goals, but achievable goals, something that you can achieve. Not not there, we may have a big dream, you may have a big goal in front of us that it's good to have that big goal, but you make small steps. The reason why having achievable goal is also another thing to motivate you to go forward. And confident is like building a muscle. You know, you have to work you know the first maybe a few times. It's difficult, but as soon as you push yourself out there and start building that muscle. So setting goals, small goals, meaning every time you achieve something small, is making you happy, is also assuring you that you can do it. So setting goals, setting achievable goals, that's number two, I would advise people, number three is to identify that negative thoughts patterns you have, especially when people lack of confidence, that's a lot of noise in their head of telling them whatever they want to do the next thing they say, Oh, I'm not, I'm not good enough. Like for myself, I want to find a job, I will say, Who would want to hire me, I've never worked for other people. I only able to work in the sun industry. But something different, I don't have the experience all this negative thoughts in our head, try to change that into a positive statement. Because the word that we use is so important. And I often when I'm not feeling particularly positive, I've this negative thought in me, I was standing in front of a mirror I talked to myself, I say, mate, get it out, get that out of the way. Acknowledge that it's there. Don't Don't don't sort of think that they're not there. They're there. But tell yourself that, hey, I can I can do better. I'm better than that. I have that experience, I have that experience. So recognising that negative thoughts and replace it with something positive. In the long run, it will help. And then the fourth thing I was saying is, obviously learn from mistakes. But I don't like to use the word mistakes, you know, because it's a negative part of it. There's something that things that doesn't have the result that you want, learn from it. And because there's a lot of opportunity for us to learn and grow from the experience that we we have. So whatever experience come you have right now, it might not be what you were looking for. But look at it on the other way is what have I learned from this experience? And then this other thing, again, is building up your confidence building up your self worth. And the last one but not least, I would think is recognising your strength. And a lot of people will always focus on what I'm not good at. But focus on something what you're good at. Because when you know what you're good at you work on on it, you will excel you will become excellent. When you focus on your weakness. Yes you can you can build on it, but you will not becoming the expert in that area. So focus on your strength. So these are some of the tips that I would advise people when they are wanting to build their confidence or stepping out of their whatever they are having right now struggle they have and slowly build on it.

Agi Keramidas  15:32  
Confidence is a multi faceted trait that can be nurtured in many ways from the clothes we wear to the self love we practice. by recognising and using our innate abilities and embracing repetition. We can all build and maintain the confidence we need to face life's challenges. And remember, confidence is within everyone's reach. It is within your reach. It's just a matter of accessing it. 

16:07  
See you next Thursday with Part Four the conclusion of this special four week series on confidence. And if you like this kind of episode, let me know - I would love to do more topics like this. Until then, stand out don't fit in!